QUESTION: We believe in complying with the request from our leaders to stay home and away from others. We have three children, ages 7, 9 and 12. We’re all set up with their education and have created an “at-home schedule.” Even though this has been a great inconvenience because our jobs are now telecommunicating, we understand the necessity of doing what we’ve been asked to do. Frankly, we’re more than annoyed with those who are still out and about and not doing what we’ve been asked to do.

What’s the mentality of those who “keep doing their own thing?” Is it a personality disorder or ??? We’re hoping you have some spiritual insight to this behavior.

~ Mom & Dad

Dear Mom and Dad, 

Keep doing what you’re doing and praise others you see doing the right thing. I don’t think that the people you see doing the wrong thing necessarily have personality disorders. America is producing a society of greedy people who believe that they don’t have to follow orders. This comes from the top down. Watch our President’s news conferences. Does he do social distancing? These actions produce an attitude of “This doesn’t apply to me.”

What we must do, however, is look for the good in this. I have found wonderful things in my neighborhood. The kids outside are riding their bikes … first time in years. I can hear their laughter as I write. Last Sunday we were all out on our doorsteps asking if anyone needed any help.

I hadn’t been able to score any TP. Now I have four rolls. One friend dropped off a wonderful pasta dinner for me. These are the things that feed my soul.

Another benefit of staying home is our beautiful clear skies and no traffic when you do have to go outside. Maybe companies will realize that their employees can work from home and will continue that practice. As a rabbi once told me, tragedies happen. But the real tragedy is not learning from them.

Carolyn Young, LCSW

cjymesalila@gmail.com

Dear Mom & Dad,

I’ll preface by saying that I agree: We need to practice safe distancing and follow the guidance of our governor. As far as spiritual reflections … nothing like a global crisis reveals our deepest impulses. Some of us, through either fear or wisdom, decide to hide ourselves away inside. Some hoard toilet paper and water. Some do their best to continue on as if nothing else is happening, ignoring the risk to themselves and to others. And some sense the needs of their neighbors – lonely, isolated, jobless – and do their best to meet those needs.

I know of young people who are grieving losses during this time: starring roles in school plays that will go unperformed; sweet 16 birthdays without friends; spring breaks stuck indoors. As adults, it’s easy to say, “Get over it” even as we face our own losses. My hope would be that we would sense how all of us are losing something during this time and that our collective grief can be a time of increased compassion toward others.

We all need comfort during this time. The world is out of control and if I have any spiritual insight to give it would be that each of us desires control over our life. Some express it through routines (my kids are on a daily schedule that includes school work, rest, and family time). For me, when the world feels full of bad I want to put as much good into it. Outwardly it appears quite noble, compassionate and altruistic. But I know that inside it’s also a way for me to control something that feels beyond me. Maybe it’s selflessness that’s selfish.

I guess, during all of this, my hope is twofold: to grieve with others in the losses we experience and to let go of my need to make tomorrow happen on my terms.

As naïve as it sounds, love makes both possible. Perhaps we exit this moment loving our neighbors and ourselves a little more than what makes us comfortable.

Pastor Kyle Sears

lcccpastor@gmail.com

QUESTION: When family members quit speaking to other family members, what can be done to get them all back together? We had a family gathering in February because a close relative was visiting from the East Coast. I’ll admit there was drinking and a couple of them were involved in an argument about politics. One of them left in a huff and will not speak to any of us since then.

I’m very sad because we’ve never had anything like this happen before. I’m not getting anywhere trying to get them to just drop this disagreement. Any suggestions to reach out to the two who were arguing are appreciated.

~ Love My Family

Dear Love My Family,

I am sorry to hear about the situation with the family that you love. It seems that you have tried to bring them together and that unfortunately they don’t seem to be willing to do so. Despite that setback, I am glad to read that you are willing to continue to be an instrument of peace and love in your family.

My first recommendation would be to continue praying for all of them. Anytime that I try to do something and it does not work, I give it to God who can do immeasurably more than what we can do. Pray every single day for God to soften those hearts and heal those wounds in your family.

In your prayers, also ask God to give you the wisdom, the strength and the patience to be an instrument of life and love among them. Trust me: if in your heart you feel moved to bring them together, you are called to be that instrument of God.

We are living challenging times and we all see our health and our lives threatened. These are times when we are called to appreciate and enjoy our family and our loved ones because we don’t know who among us may get sick or even depart this world. That said, there is no better time than now to continue doing that healing work.

Have you deeply listened to the one who left that family gathering in a huff? I am referring to the listening that does not say much, that does not judge, and that does not share solutions. Continue to reach out to this family member and listen – listen and listen again until you think that they have taken out all of what they feel.

Also, and mainly because you can’t get together in person these days, you may eventually recommend to host a family gathering like many families are doing via videoconferencing. When you propose to gather, I invite you to be clear with people and set some ground rules, like no drinking and no talking about politics because, as you have already experienced, together these are recipes for a disaster.

Then, if things don’t move along as you expected, remind yourself that you are the one called to do your very best to heal the wounds of this family, and that the deeper the wounds the longer that it may take. Also, remember that you are not on this alone, and ask the God who called you to be an instrument of peace and love to continue to guide you as God guided Jeremiah when God said to him: “Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you” (Jeremiah 1:6-8).

My prayers are with you and your family.

Reverend Antonio Gallardo

agallardo@stlukeslacrescenta.org

Dear Love My Family,

It is very challenging and your family is not alone when there are such disagreements, and drinking certainly does not help. Particularly in these times, it is important for family and friends to agree to disagree, to forgive and move on, to stay in touch with each other. Perhaps acknowledging each party’s feelings and opinions, to agree that no one is right or wrong, it is just their opinion and feelings.

Politics now are a hot topic and easily a disagreeable one to discuss. But it is just not worth stopping talking to each other. Time is valuable, it is marching on, and we must make the most of each moment in as loving a way as possible.

It is a known fact that stress, strain and disharmony have major effects on our bodies and our heart. We need more than ever to love each other for who we are. The heart is known as the center of love, which is the healing balm for every inharmonious thought.

Write a note to both parties, acknowledging their feelings, and point out the value of loving each other regardless of the differences. And with the current virus situation, it is more important than ever to agree to disagree and to love each other and maybe just not talk about politics or anything that causes bad feelings. Sometimes, when you write things out, people will read it and pay attention versus trying to talk things out, when no one listens to each other. It could at least open the door for more civil conversation where love and respect for each other can cause a healing for everyone.

In Science of Mind, we pray for divine right action, divine order with love prevailing. See your family taking a breath and being surrounded by love and respect and understanding, sealed with handshakes and hugs. 

Love wins.

Many blessings for peace and harmony,

Laney Clevenger White, RScP Emeritus

laneycl@ca.rr.com