OP ED  » Mary O’KEEFE

This year is the 50th anniversary of annual LGBTQ+ Pride traditions. The first Pride march in New York City was held on June 28, 1970, which was the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall uprising. The uprising was a six-day protest event that began with a raid on a place called Stonewall Inn. This was not the first time law enforcement had raided Stonewall but this time it appeared those in the Inn – and a growing crowd outside – had enough. When an inspector ordered employees and those who were “cross-dressing” detained, a resistance began. The uprising stretched from the Stonewall Inn throughout the City of New York, according to the Library of Congress.

This is the history of Pride month but, from a personal viewpoint, Pride has been a lifelong feeling. When my brother and I grew up, the term “homosexual” was whispered. It wasn’t something that was spoken about in public; if people were LGBTQ+ they were usually described as, “You know, different.”

I start with this reference because my little brother always felt “different.” He viewed being gay this way because that was how others viewed it. So, starting from that reference, it is not surprising that my brother wanted to keep secret that he was “different.” To be honest, I feel guilty for not being more aware of the struggle he was facing. We would have talks, when he was older, and I would tell him if he was gay that wouldn’t change anything … but that statement simply wasn’t true. His coming out to everyone would change everything. 

I think what some do not understand, and what I didn’t completely understand at the time, was “coming out” as a LGBTQ+ person is not just flipping a switch and all of a sudden everything is put right. At least for my brother it was years of secrecy, of denial and of fear. He was bullied at school and he lost friends to suicide and drugs due to their struggles with sexual orientation. He was concerned about his family and friends turning away from him and even losing his job if he came out as a gay man, especially in the 1980s when HIV/AIDS was considered the “gay disease” and people thought they could “catch” AIDS by talking to a gay person. He did not share any of these concerns with the family or with me even though we were very close.

When he did officially tell the family he was gay no one reacted in a negative way. No one treated him differently but, due to years of being programmed that “different” is not acceptable, it took my brother a long time to believe that he was not being judged. He was terrified to tell my kids he was gay and to explain what that meant; he was afraid they would look at him differently. But my children loved their “Unc” and nothing changed that. He has now found the love of his life and my kids are blessed with two perfect uncles that love them unconditionally.

I wanted to share this because I want to acknowledge that society has come a long way from when my brother and I were kids, decades ago. More and more people are accepting of others who are LGBTQ+ but there are still people out there who feel my brother, because he is gay, is unnatural. There are still people who believe my Christian brother is not accepted by God and there are some who still pass judgment on my brother because of the fact he is gay.

My brother is funny, friendly, kind, generous, loyal and compassionate. In fact, I have seen him go out of his way to help people who actually think his lifestyle is wrong.

I am proud of my baby brother every day.

  Mary Okeefe