QUESTION: My beloved grandmother just passed away from COVID-19. She was only 68. She hadn’t gone out since the shelter in place started except to the doctor’s office. My parents and I bought all of her groceries or whatever else she asked us to get for her. This isn’t to blame anyone because we know the virus is everywhere and even airborne. We haven’t a clue where she got it.

Grandma was in very good physical and mental health except the last month. Our question is, does God call us home at a certain time? We expected her to live many more years because longevity is in her family. Her mother lived to be 96. – Missing Grandma

Dear Missing Grandma,

I am very sorry for your loss. I understand how heartbreaking this is for you. I can appreciate your question over losing your grandmother in the search for your own peace of mind and finding some meaning or explanation behind her early death in hope of some comfort over your loss.
The question you ask, if our deaths are predetermined or not, has been a question argued within and among numerous religious belief systems for centuries. No one, especially in a time of pandemic, is easy with the thought that any death (especially of a loved one) is meaningless, arbitrary, senseless or purposeless. It raises the age old question if there truly is a loving God who watches over us, then why does He, She or It allow such suffering and loss? We feel there must be a reason for all things, otherwise we are nothing more than hapless and helpless victims of capricious and arbitrary forces, events and circumstances.

The honest answer to your question is we really don’t know. We can speculate and maybe even soundly convince ourselves that the answer we do accept or choose to believe is correct and truthful.

But why such uncertainty? The answer lies in the human condition itself. Namely, we are all born into ignorance. Ignorance is the true original sin spoken of in the Bible. Ignorance is the reason and cause of all evil and suffering.
The question then becomes, what are we ignorant of? There are so many things we are ignorant of. We know a lot, but there is a lot we don’t know. But perhaps it is time for us to ask the question, not about what we don’t know (that is evident enough), but about what do we know. What can we know or ascertain from our experience about life? The simple answer is one need only look around to see or sense an intelligence at work in this world. Creation, whether it be the manifestation of a paper clip or a universe that appears governed by rational predictable laws suggests an intelligence or consciousness at work greater than what we can comprehend; and if intelligent and capable of action, then it must also be imbued with will, choices and reasons of its own for what happens. In which case, everything from a divine level must be seen as purposeful rather than as an act of chance.

Ernest Holmes, founder of the Science of Mind, tells us that God is all there is. If in the beginning there was only God, then God could only create out of Itself. Everything we see is but an expression of It at play in Its own creation. As Alan Watts once pointed out, you and your Grandma are “It,” definite and unique individualized expressions of the infinite. This great consciousness or power manifests on this plane of existence appearing with a seeming two fold nature, which Holmes terms as love and law. In other words, on the one hand it appears impersonal, uncaring and exact in the laws of Its creation. On the other hand, we sense or feel within us a power that is supportive and personal, a power imbued with mercy, grace and forgiveness –power of love.

Werner Heisenberg, the great 20th century German theoretical physicist, sounds a similar note when he said: “The first gulp from the glass of the natural sciences will turn you into an atheist but, at the bottom of the glass, God is waiting for you.” As humans, we will never know or be certain as to the purpose and reason your grandmother left now. The answer will be what you choose or decide to believe. We may reason that from the standpoint of the universal and infinite divine intelligence or consciousness from which everything has arisen, and everything is but an expression of, the divine is aware or conscious of every fallen leaf. No matter what the change in appearance, nothing is ever lost. Not even a grandmother.

Here is a short affirmative prayer to say when you feel challenged by your grandmother’s absence: “I give thanks for the wonderful gift of my grandmother. I give thanks for her life, her love, the joy and caring she brought me and others. I truly miss her. I know her spirit is ever present with me, sharing and caring in all I do. How blessed I was to have her. Thank you, Lord. And so it is. Amen.”

Anthony P. Kelson, RScP

anthony@apkelson.com

Dear Missing Grandma,

I’m very sorry to learn of your loss. Losing a loved one is difficult in most situations, and especially when it seems out of order and unexpected. Our home-going is one of the great mysteries of our existence. In this unique time, there seem to be additional questions that make a loss, such as yours, extremely unsettling. Although your grandma was only 68 years old, she was among those who are considered “high-risk.” But even that knowledge doesn’t provide much comfort when you’re missing her.

Ecclesiastes 8:8a reminds us that: “As no one has power over the wind to contain it, so no one has power over the time of their death.” (NIV)

That brings up the questions of when and why. I could offer you several platitudes but the simple answer is there’s no earthly way to know why God calls us home. As for the when, I believe He has a timeline for us of which we’re not privy, and I believe it’s for our protection. Just imagine if we knew the specifics of our lives and the circumstances of our deaths. We’d probably be in constant anxiety and maybe not very kind to ourselves and others. We’d be living a limited life without promise or hope.

Scripture teaches that we have abundant life and a plan and purpose that’s explicitly predestined for each of us.

“But I have come to give you everything in abundance, more than you expect – life in its fullness until you overflow!” John 10:10b (TPT)

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

So, how do we reconcile these passages in Scripture with the overwhelming grief we feel? Perhaps you will find some peace knowing that you and your family took all the necessary precautions to keep your grandma safe and healthy. Thinking of her with fond memories and talking about the things she did that made you smile will help ease the pain of your loss. Taking time to express your emotions as often as you’re able and without shame or guilt allows you to process your grief healthily and prevent toxic thoughts from overcoming you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

My prayer for you is that you’ll embrace time with your family to take this journey together and reach out for support through your place of worship, counseling or a grief group. I hope you’re able to lean on the promise that:

“The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.” Isaiah 60:20b (NIV)

Be well & be blessed!

Lucinda Guarino

lucindaguarino1@gmail.com

QUESTIONS: I just graduated from high school and am planning to attend college. My problem is I can’t decide what I want to do professionally. Family and friends keep asking what major I’ve chosen and I don’t have an answer. I’m tired of telling them I just don’t know. I have many interests, including music, physics, chemistry and biology; I excelled in all of them. I was raised attending church and have been told many times that God will guide us where we’re supposed to be. I don’t know how to get the guidance, except by praying and, so far, I still have not gotten any answers.

Do you have any idea how I can finally determine my path in life? 

~Undetermined

Dear Undetermined,

Your quandary reminds me of my own when I finished high school. I thought I might become a minister but I also was attracted to teaching and coaching. And I was also totally ready for something I had never even thought of before.

The main point for me though … and I include you in this … was to go to college and start taking courses.

I was fortunate enough to attend a small liberal arts college and virtually everybody had to take the same subjects for the first two years. (At the end of my sophomore year I was required to declare a major … that could also be changed later!). I urge you to do the same: go to college if you can and immerse yourself in your studies for two years. Sometime along the way, it may dawn on you what you really want to study. And after two years you may be no closer to deciding what you want to do! But keep your “religious connection” open and keep praying. God sometimes doesn’t work as fast as we’d like and sometimes we just have to keep on keepin’ on.

There’s a New Testament passage in Hebrews that states faith is something we have that looks toward something that is as yet unseen. I seem to remember hearing in grade school how Abraham Lincoln kept on educating himself for the day – still unseen – when all his preparation would pay off. As we know, it did. And remember this: simply because you major in something you can change your mind! I majored in religion and minored in history, and then taught school a couple of years. Then I went to seminary, graduated and then decided I did not want to be a minister! So I worked for an airline as a ticket agent and did a lot of free traveling. Then I became a broadcaster, both on radio and TV, before I finally got ordained at about age 60!

See? You have the world at your feet with many choices. Get prepared now for what God may have planned for you later. I love this passage from Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” With God on your side, what is there to fear?

“Skip” Lindeman

lindemanskip@yahoo.com

Dear Undetermined,

You have just begun stepping into a new phase of your life. It’s normal for people to ask what do you want to do, and it sounds like you have some exciting possibilities. And your life is ahead of you to explore all kinds of options.

Please don’t let yourself be stressed about finding an answer. Just ask yourself,  “What would I love to do? What makes my heart happy?” Go into meditation, into the silence, pray knowing that divine right action and divine order are taking place. Stay open and receptive for signs that can be guiding your heart on the right path. And the answer will come. 

In the meantime, be patient with yourself and enjoy each moment of life.

When people ask, just let them know you are excited about exploring your possibilities and you are listening to your heart for what you would love to do … and thank you very much for asking.

By being open and receptive, you will know when your answer comes to you.

And P.S. Your choices will continue to change throughout your life.

Best of luck to you,

Laney Clevenger White, RScP

laneycl@ca.rr.com