Question: Our son played in high school band, sang in the church choir and also a local vocal group. After high school he decided to get a degree in computer sciences and he did; however, music kept calling him back. Now he has been asked to join a well-known band full time. His college education was a considerable cost and we’d like to see him go ahead with a more stable job.

We want to support him but just can’t get on board with his playing in a band. We’ve not talked to him about this. If you were his parents, what would you do? ~ Likes Stability

Dear Likes Stability,

Reflecting on your question, it is clear to me that you are loving, supportive, caring and concerned about your son, and wish for him a stable, prosperous and happy life. I know how difficult it is for parents, looking back with their accumulated life wisdom (and desiring to see their children spared any suffering and hardship in their life due to youthful ignorance) and added to all this a seemingly fathomless love for their child (with its accompanying joy and suffering, delight and pain, etc.) to have to face the hard fact they ultimately have no real control over their children and their lives. As hard as it is for some to accept, a child’s life is their own to discover, unfold and reveal. For those who do seek, and maybe even succeed, in controlling their children to do their choice as opposed to a child’s choice they risk being left with a crippled and unrealized human being, often angry and resentful. So what is to be done? Well, first a different way of looking at the situation.

I once had a professor of church history who said if he had his way, no one could go to college until they were 30. He felt at that [age] people had enough life experience to appreciate and deal seriously with, and get the most out of, higher education. Indeed, in retrospect, I consider the 20s to be more like a continuation of the late teens. Teenagers are always exploring and trying out new things in the process of discovering themselves and life. They make plenty of mistakes because it is all a process of trial and error. This doesn’t end at 21. My sister believes no one should be held responsible in their life for any stupid thing they did under the age of 30. Indeed, I am of the opinion that most human beings really don’t begin to “wake up” (and begin to become more responsible in life) until they are around the age of 28.

My friend Bob is a relevant example of this. Bob majored in music in college. He could play any instrument but the saxophone was his preferred choice. It seemed he was a member of every college dance and jazz band. He went on to teach music in high school and played in bands on the weekend. In his late 20s, he decided he was not getting to where he wanted to be as a musician and decided to go back to college and attend law school. Thirty years later, he is regarded as a successful lawyer. He is still active musically with our city orchestra (composed of volunteer and unpaid musicians), but he realized that, for him, music was not going to provide him the life he wanted for himself. That was his choice. It all turned out rather well I think … even with his “musical” detour.

So the second part of “what is to be done” is to have faith that all will be well. Whatever he chooses to do will have ups and downs. It’s true for all of us. Your faith that in the end it will all turn out well for him, whatever choice he makes, will be the greatest gift and blessing you can give him. Here is a little affirmative prayer to help you help him. There is magic in words of prayer. You can say this to yourself whenever you are concerned about your son: “I know that my son is always blessed, protected and prospered by God. God guides him into perfect and creative ways of expression in his life that are wonderfully rewarding and meaningful. Enriching my son’s experience and understanding of life which in turn is a blessing and a gift to all who love and know him. And so it is.”

Anthony Kelson, RScP
anthony@apkelson.com

Dear Likes Stability,

In a world that has been turned upside down by pandemic, social unrest, global financial and job insecurity, I totally understand your desire for some stability. We are especially concerned for our adult children as they make their way into their chosen careers. Many young people are already deep in college debt and are unable to find even a low-paying job. They see the American dream of buying a home fading into an unattainable future. As a minister, I am called to shift the focus from “what’s wrong with this picture” to “what’s right.” This means that I have faith that the highest good is being revealed at all times, no matter what things look like in this moment.

I believe that your son was given the gift of music. He was also given a desire to express his God-given talent. That desire is the “still, small voice” of spirit within him. Renowned author and teacher of mythology, Joseph Campbell, said “Follow your bliss … find where it is, and don’t be afraid to follow it.” If your son’s bliss is music, and he does not follow it, he may live to regret that choice.

My daughter is in her first year of college and she isn’t sure what subject to major in. I tell her to look for the subjects that ignite a passion in her and makes her excited to get out of bed in the morning. I know that Divine Spirit will unfold more of that for her, if she follows her bliss. We all know that the “pursuit of happiness” is written into our Declaration of Independence and, as Americans, we believe that it is not just a privilege, it is our right. Spiritually speaking, that means that striving for our happiness leads to a rich and meaningful life, for all. At the same time, I do realize that we live in a world that requires money in order to live. Gratefully, your son also has earned a degree in an area that is growing rapidly. He will not lose that degree. He may decide to pursue his bliss in music while he is young, before he has a mortgage or children to provide for. That being said, as a musician myself, I know that live performances, in large auditoriums or stadiums, are not happening yet because of COVID. Unfortunately, I don’t know when or where your son would be performing or earning a living in music any time soon. But money itself does not bring happiness.

Master teacher, Jesus, taught us that we are the light of the world and to let our light shine. Hiding our God-given light for a potentially more “stable” path is like hiding it under a bushel (or a desk job).

Talk to your son, tell him how you feel, and know that he is a child of God who is pursuing his happiness, whether it makes you comfortable or not. Love him, and support him, in any way you can and remember the words of Dr. Leo Buscaglia who said, “Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.”

Rev. Karen Mitchell
revkarenmitchell@gmail.com

Question: We’ve been happily married for two years. Before we married, we talked about everything including having children. We both agreed we’d like to have children. Now, with the world in such chaos, including the worldwide pandemic, we’re not certain about going ahead to start a family. We’re both in our late 30s and waiting much longer may be too late. We were both raised Christian and think perhaps we should go ahead and have faith that bringing children into this world of ours will work out just fine.

Your suggestions are most welcome. ~ Indecisive Couple



Dear Indecisive Couple,

You’re obviously thoughtful people. Your note makes me think of the commandments. And I don’t mean the 10 Commandments. I mean the first commandment that God ever gave, way back in Genesis, chapter one. It was in a garden.

“Be fruitful and multiply,” he said. When we do this, we obey God. Not everybody is able to do this. So it’s not just a command but also a privilege and an honor and a blessing.

It is true that the world seems chaotic. But perhaps you remember a hymn we used to sing in church way back when called: “This Is my Father’s World.” In it there’s a line that brings me comfort. “This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget, that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.”
Can you think of a time when the world didn’t seem chaotic or a time when our country was free of disease or risk? All of life is a risk. But the good news for parents is simply this: “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.”
My advice is to obey the command of God and trust him with the consequences. You’re not alone. Billions of parents have gone before you.

I can’t help but mention one more thing as I close. I was about your age when I got married. It took quite a while but God sent our bundle of joy on my wife’s birthday. To this day, every year, she smiles on her shared birthday and says, “She was my very best birthday present.”

Rev. Jon Karn
PastorJon@lightonthecorner.org

Dear Indecisive Couple,

How lovely that you’re thinking about starting a family! Children come with challenges that may cause you to rethink everything you know about childrearing. Fortunately, seeing their sweet faces and watching years of discovery and development also comes with blessings beyond belief. This endeavor is not for the faint of heart, but the benefits far outweigh the trials.

Yours is a concern shared by many. I remember feeling the same way when I was about your age. It’s a tough decision that requires much prayer and contemplation. One essential element to consider is that the world will likely be in some form of chaos due to our limited understanding. But that doesn’t have to define us or inform our choices. There is a continuing battle between the Light and the darkness. We know that: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places.” Ephesians 6:12 (AMP)

The world can indeed be a scary, sometimes unforgiving, place. However, we don’t have to be afraid because, as people of faith, we know who wins!

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NKJV)

 Scripture reminds us that children are both a blessing and our legacy.

 “Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!” Psalm 127:5-6 (MSG)

I wonder what the world would have looked like if our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents had chosen not to have children because what they were bringing their progeny into was just too contentious. They lived through times fraught with diseases, such as cholera, smallpox and tuberculosis. Their trials included WWI, WWII, wars in Asia, the Middle East, the Cold War, and the Great Depression. Times were tough, and many suffered from hunger, homelessness and the loss of many of their earthly belongings.

All this, and yet they procreated in hopes that in the future, their offspring would have the wherewithal to make lasting changes, that they would be better equipped to solve the challenges from past generations and provide a more hopeful future.

As people of faith, we have the assurance that we will be provided for and protected from adversity. That doesn’t mean there won’t be trials. It means that we will persevere and faithfully look into the future with hope and an understanding that someone greater than ourselves has a master plan.

I chose to have children. My beautiful, amazing daughters are impacting the world in ways I never expected nor could have imagined. They are bright lights that embody the reality of hope in the curious dimness. My hope for you is that, as you commit your wonderings to prayer, the Lord will provide you with the assurance that your decision will align with His perfect will for you both.

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man (and woman!) avails much.” James 5:16b (NKJV)

 I’m standing with you in prayer!

Be well & be blessed!