Question: I’m 83, a retired schoolteacher, and living in fear of COVID. My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable. Perhaps it’s because of my age and the ages of my friends; five of them have died from COVID. I’m almost afraid to breathe. I was raised in a church where faith in God is supposed to take care of everything. I’ve prayed and prayed and still I feel the fear. I’ve literally not left my house since all of this began – over two years ago – and I’d rather my husband didn’t either, but he infrequently does for doctor’s visits to monitor his blood pressure. I won’t go to the doctor because at this time it’s not necessary. We have our groceries delivered. Any suggestions to deal with this fear are most welcome. ~ Fearful

Dear Fearful,

I’m sorry you are experiencing such fear and anxiety and I appreciate that you are reaching out for advice. Losing friends is never easy, but in this case their loss has multiplied your fear to the point of keeping you from your enjoyment of life.

There is an expression in the Bible, “It came to pass,” meaning some things come to show us areas where we need to grow and then move on. Fear can be very useful because it shows us that there is something to learn. But when fear and anxiety remain a permanent state of mind and we allow it to take control of our life, it becomes damaging rather than serving our good.

There is a difference between having an emotion and when an emotion has you. When we feel fear, it’s important to ask ourselves what we need to learn from it. If we follow its lead, take constructive steps and make healthy decisions as a result of it, we will move through the emotion. If we don’t, that emotion begins to take control of our thinking and inhibit us, changing our natural response to life.

I would suggest prayer, focus on the positive, take action and use distraction to help clear your mind of fear.

First and foremost, pray and pray believing that the solution is at hand. The energy from which we pray has a direct effect on the result of the prayer. In prayer we are not convincing God of anything. God already sees us a perfect, whole and complete. Prayer reconditions the mind of the one praying. It releases our thought from the problem and troubled state of mind we’re in. We must be willing to release the problem to God and allow answers to flow into our lives.

Some of the ways you can start to lessen your fear is to ask yourself what positive things can be learned from this experience. What we focus on expands. Where we put our attention becomes prominent in our action and reaction because that’s where we have put all of our energy. When you shift the focus to what is working instead of what is not, the circumstances will shift – but not without action. Instead of staying in your house and never going out, you can take a walk around the block. Getting out in the sunshine and moving can do wonders for resetting your mind.

The most important thing to do is to take your mind off the problem. Instead of listening to the news about COVID reports, listen to music or a meditative CD, watch comedy movies, call a friend. Whatever it takes to uplift your spirits and switch the channel in your mind from feeling fearful to feeling in charge of your life, do it.

I trust you find inspiration in these words and find relief from fear so that you begin to enjoy your life to the fullest again.

In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com

Dear Fearful,

I have questions, mostly questions.

Aren’t you fearful because you’ve become convinced that this man-concocted virus from Wuhan is an automatic death sentence? Since five friends have died, doesn’t that mean that you will certainly die too if you catch it?

Have you been vaccinated? Are you aware of the current survival rate of the virus, particularly the omicron version of the virus? Are you aware of any differences between this virus and other viruses like the Spanish flu or the Ebola virus? (At my church, I pray often with the congregation that God will eradicate this virus in such a way as will make clear to the whole world that the disappearance of this virus is a God thing and not due to any human cleverness. It is beginning to look like God is answering my prayers as all of our best measures to fight the virus appear increasingly ineffective. Instead, the virus seems to be devolving on its own. Thank God!)

What does it suggest to you that the country where this virus was born will shortly be hosting the Winter Olympics? China is at ground zero for the virus. How fearful do they seem as they play host to the whole world?

Since you grew up in church, let me remind you of a few verses from the Bible. Hebrews Chapter 2 talks about the impact of the death of Christ on the fearful: “By his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death – that is, the devil – and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” It is the devil that wants you to live in the fear of death, not God.

King David spoke of this in the 23rd psalm: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

I have noticed that people seem to want a guarantee that they will be 100% safe from the virus before they resume their normal life. Is that how we lived our lives before the virus? When have we ever had a 100% guarantee that we wouldn’t get sick?

This is worth seeing a counselor about. I can’t guarantee that you’ll never get sick. I can’t guarantee that you will never get COVID. But I can guarantee that you’ll waste the life you’re trying to protect by becoming a hermit. So say a prayer. Take a deep breath. Put on a nervous smile. And take a walk around the block.

Rev. Jon T. Karn
pastorjon@lightonthecorner.org 

Question: Our son Jeff has been musically inclined since he was very young. He had piano lessons from the time he was 5 and played a French horn in high school band. He and some friends also have their own band and they play for friends’ events. Now he’s going off to college and wants to major in music. That’s fine with me but not his father who thinks there isn’t sufficient income for musicians. Jeff is also a whiz at computers. His father thinks he should study computer science where a variety of professional choices are available.

This is stressful for Jeff because he adores his father. I think Jeff should make up his own mind without any pressure. What do you think? ~ Mom in a Quandary

Dear Mom in a Quandary,

How fortunate for your son to be gifted in multiple and unique ways! The choices you’ve listed are both viable, depending on your son’s ability to push beyond perceived limits. I have a friend who majored in music and is now an award-winning professional in composition and post-production specialties. He has both aptitudes, creating many complicated and beautiful works of musical art and mixing tracks to achieve the most excellent sound. What we make of our lives and careers depends on numerous elements. Still, the most important is a commitment to the process and the ability to accept the rigors and disciplines of hard work.

As parents, we feel responsible for equipping our children with the best possible options to increase their earning potential and provide adequately for themselves. We want them to not only succeed but to do so in a way that surpasses our own accomplishments. My guess is that this is your husband’s heart and it’s honorable and loving.

However, your desire to create space for your son to make his own decisions is also valid and honorable. Unfortunately, sometimes when children take their parents’ good and sensible advice the foundation of resentment can begin. As I would guess you and your husband do, I know many people who have been working jobs that leave them unfulfilled and dissatisfied. This dilemma frequently occurs when well-meaning advice is taken from parents to appease them. Parents do not desire their offspring to have a mediocre life, but living someone else’s dream doesn’t generally provide satisfaction.

I wonder what it would look like for you to brainstorm with your son as a family and look at options that might encompass these two particular gifts in a complimentary way. Perhaps he could major in music and minor in computer science. It might take a bit longer to accomplish his goals but he would retain his right to choose as well as utilize his skills, talents and gifts in dynamic ways. A positive consequence of this type of discussion is appropriate differentiation and empowerment for a healthy maturing process.

Scripture invites us to remember that we each have been given gifts and talents to be utilized for the glory of God. I’m reminded of several: “For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.].” Romans 11:29 (AMPC)

“First, God chose some people to be apostles and prophets and teachers for the church. But He so chose some to work miracles or heal the sick or help others or be leaders or speak different kinds of languages.” 1 Corinthians 12:28 (CEV)

“Naturally, there are different gifts and functions; individually, grace is given to us indifferent ways out of the rich diversity of Christ’s giving.” Ephesians 4:7a (Phillips)

One might argue that music and computer sciences are both talents and gifts of other languages. The focus of these passages is to underscore the importance of accepting and utilizing the gifts and talents given to us. We are each created for a purpose. It’s our job to employ our various skills and talents in ways that serve, honor and express gratitude to God, as well as ourselves and others.

Blessings to you both as you seek to launch your son into the next season of his life with unconditional love and regard, encouraging him to share his gifts in whatever manner brings him joy as well as stability. He will also bring honor to you, his parents, in accomplishing these goals.

Be well & be blessed!

Lucinda Guarino
lucindaguarino1@gmail.com

Dear Mom in a Quandary,

What a blessing that your son is so gifted in music and computers. How awesome it is that he has been able to explore his gifting.

In regards to your quandary, it seems that your husband has a concern for the future of your child that is coming from a place of wanting to protect him. I have seen this particular struggle many times over whether or not parents should encourage their kids away from pursuing a career in the arts, which is more a reflection on how our society has not always correctly valued the arts rather than people not wanting others to pursue their dreams. 

God, according to Genesis, is the great artist who made all things beautiful. So I hope to see the day when all artists can pursue that particular reflection of the character of God while not having to worry as much about whether they will be fairly compensated in regard to their important contribution to the good of society.

When it comes to navigating Jeff’s future in regard to his dad’s wishes, it would be best for Jeff to understand the perspective of a dad who wants his son’s future to be secure with a good paying job. There is wisdom in that. But Jeff will make many decisions over the coming years in regard to his future where he may not always do exactly what his dad wants.

One of the Ten Commandments says, “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12). Honor is an important word here because it means different things for different ages. For a young child it almost exclusively (outside of moral issues and issues of abuse) exhorts them to obey their parents. When a child becomes an adult that honor shifts from obedience focused to listening focused. Rather than expecting to do exactly what your parents say to do, honor looks like always hearing them out.

Whatever decision Jeff makes, I hope that it becomes clear to him how he can best honor his dad and pursue his calling.

Pastor Jeff Blanton
JeffB@madeforcommunity.com