Reprinted from Sept. 26, 2019

Question: I retired five years ago when I was 65. Since then, I’ve been busier than I ever was when I worked because I volunteer in several local organizations. And I’m happier than I ever was when I had a full time job that I really liked.

The reason I’m writing is I know many retired people who don’t volunteer. One of them told me she just wants to do nothing. I can understand that but doing nothing can be boring! Please suggest words of encouragement that may help people decide to volunteer. – Happy Volunteer

Dear Happy Volunteer,

It is so wonderful to hear that you feel happier and satisfied with your volunteer work. What a delightful way to enjoy your retirement years! As I read your inquiry, a verse in Ecclesiastes, in the Bible, came to mind. It says: “To everything there is a season…” (Eccl. 3:1 – NKJV) or, as another version puts it: “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth” (The Message version).

When people retire, some want and need a “season” of rest to unwind, unplug, and regroup, “play” and doing nothing. This may be the season your friend is in. After a time of refreshing comes a more opportune and right time to get involved again and do something that benefits others and gives us a purpose.
As Rick Warren stated in his book “The Purpose Driven Life,” God created us for a purpose. We were created to uniquely fill a place in this world that was designed for our abilities, interests and personalities. It has always been God’s intention that we be vital and active and that our latter years be greater than the former. Whether it’s through our work in earlier years or volunteering in retirement years, we can utilize our gifts and talents for God’s objectives.
Some people, like you, make significant contributions by volunteering with charitable or service organizations. Some “volunteer” by helping to take care of and inputting into the lives of their grandchildren. Others are unpaid caregivers to a relative, friend or acquaintance who’s debilitated or aging. Whether it’s ministering to family, your neighborhood, community or even other parts of the world, we can make a significant difference.

God’s Word tells us, “Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back – given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way” (Luke 6:38 – The Message version). By volunteering, we get blessed and gain renewed purpose, fulfillment and a longer, more vital life. Let’s all look for ways to give our lives away and be a blessing those around us and to our world.

Blessings to you,

Pastor Dabney Beck
Church On The Way, Van Nuys
Timanddabney@gmail.com

Dear Happy Volunteer,

I am very inspired by the way in which you are living your retired life. I can relate to you. My mother retired in her late 50s and I envisioned a lot of traveling and volunteering for her.

Over time, I realized that my vision for her retired life was different than hers. She stayed home, went for walks, cooked, watched TV, took naps and enjoyed the visit of her children and grandchildren. Thinking that this was a boring life, I arranged for her to meet with the head of a public retirement home to explore volunteering. After visiting the place, my mother told me that, although it was a good opportunity, she’d rather keep doing what she was doing.

Eventually I realized that I had to honor and respect my mother’s wishes for her retirement. This happened almost 30 years ago and my mother is still alive and healthy, and doing whatever she has decided to do – not what I wanted her to do. I know that you are coming from a good place and that you would like for other retirees to be as happy as you are. I invite you to consider that maybe your retired friends are content and that maybe they are not as bored as they seem to be. 

I invite you to keep in mind that words, as inspirational as they may be, are not always the best way to move people to action. What could you do to inspire your friends to try on volunteering? To start, listen attentively to their vision for their retired life. Maybe they are already living that life and that is what matters. Also, when you listen without judgment, you may become that person who they go to if they want to try other things. 

I also encourage you to invite them to the volunteer activities that you do, not with the intention for them to volunteer but to spend quality time together.

When we feel listened to and we are companions to others, then we may be inspired to try new things. 

Continue enjoying your retirement!

Father Antonio Gallardo
Formerly with St. Luke’s of the Mountains

Question: I live next door to a wonderful family with two children, ages 5 and 7. They’ve always been good neighbors but have been particularly protective of me since my wife passed away a year and a half ago. In other words, we’re like family. The 5-year-old left his bicycle in the front yard and it was stolen. He had been told to always put his bike in the garage when he was through riding it. The mom asked if they should scold him. I told her I didn’t think so since the loss of the bike was hard enough for him to have to deal with. I told her to just keep reminding him and his sister about keeping their belongings safe.

I bought each of them a new bicycle – I’m not telling you this for you to tell me how nice I am. I just want them to trust in what life brings. At this time they’re wary of anyone coming into our neighborhood, even someone out for a walk. Please help us say something to them that will help restore their sense of safety and trust. – Troubled Neighbor

Dear Troubled Neighbor,

Even though you don’t want any recognition for buying new bikes for your neighbor’s kids, I have to. What nice neighbors you both are for looking after each other! This is what neighborhoods should look like. That said, you are right in telling Mom not to punish him and that losing his bike is punishment enough, and I’m sure he and his sister will be more careful. This could be a lifetime lesson.

Next, you need to acknowledge their feelings (“You must be …” sad, scared, angry or whatever they are feeling) and then reassure them that this doesn’t happen all the time. Hopefully this is true.

Time will help. If you had something stolen, you could share that story and how you felt better over time. My son had his bike stolen and I actually felt worse than he did.

Carolyn Young, LCSW
cjymesalila@gmail.com

Dear Troubled Neighbor,

Let me see if I have the facts right. Your next-door neighbors with whom you have a good relationship (a true blessing) always warn their children to put their bikes in the garage when they’re done riding them. The youngest forgets that warning and leaves his bike out in the front yard and it’s stolen. As a result, they are wary of people (who may be potential thieves) coming into the neighborhood.

After the dust has settled, your take on this situation is this: these neighbor kids and their parents just need to “trust in what life brings.” And despite their parent’s warnings, I am supposed to write something to help foster this “sense of safety and trust” in what life brings, despite the recent theft from their front yard. Do I have it right?

Thank you for being a kind-hearted neighbor. So many wish they had someone like you. Thank you for caring about the kids. I think they’re lucky to have you next door.

But the parents are shooting straight and your aim is skewed. They’re parents; safety is their No. 1 job. They can’t afford to “trust in what life brings.” Had their youngest listened to them, he’d still have his first bike. And the kids won’t always have a kind neighbor to make their wrongs right again.

They need to keep their eyes on new people coming into the neighborhood. They need to put their bikes away. They need to listen to their parents.

Until the entire world has a gracious heart like yours, maybe you should start listening to your neighbors.

Rev. Jon T. Karn, Light on the Corner Church
Montrose
PastorJon@lightonthecorner.org