Winter Wonders

Thanksgiving is over and I can “legally” play and sing Christmas music. However, I have to fess up and admit to singing one of my favorites, “I Wonder As I Wander,” no matter what season the calendar says it is. In addition to loving the beautiful melody of this classic carol, I probably like this particular song because I do, in fact, wonder oddly disconnected thoughts every waking hour of every day. Like these for example:

I wonder … if anyone else sees the irony in our usual post-Thanksgiving SoCal heat wave occurring the very weekend so many of us put up outdoor Christmas lights and decorate for what’s supposed to be a wonderfully wintery season? It was actually painful for me to drive along Foothill this past Saturday and see live Christmas trees for sale, withering in our mid-80-degree temps. Now, I realize many people love our climate more than ever this time of year because of this very kind of summer-like warmth. All I can say is, bless your heat-loving hearts. Maybe I can interest you in buying our house when we load up the moving van and head for the Yukon. Bleh.

I wonder … if we’ll ever see an actual bike parked at one of those new racks all along Foothill Boulevard So far, a not one.

I wonder … if anyone else is as creeped out as I am by that LensCrafters commercial with the guy on the bus who is reading over the shoulder of the lady several rows ahead of him and laughing out loud like a recently escaped patient from the Happy Home? Stop the bus, please. I really want to get off.

I wonder … (speaking of commercials) if other people respond as negatively as I do to that whacked out lady in red who stars in the onslaught of Target commercials airing lately. How do those spots make me feel? Well, imagine taking a big bite out of an old, moldy lemon hours after the Novocain from your oral surgery wears off – then finding half a worm inside the lemon. It’s kinda like that – only worse.

I wonder … how lazy does someone have to be to actually think electric salt and pepper grinders are a good idea? I saw them for sale last week at an upscale cooking store in Pasadena. Really? Have we become that lethargic? What’s next, a remote control TP dispenser?

I wonder … if I’ll ever be in decent enough shape to wear a cycling jersey and pants without looking and feeling like a large, brightly colored kielbasa link on wheels? Why do the makers of bike clothing assume every cyclist is a recovering anorexic or native of Munchkin-land?

I wonder … if anyone else out there is repulsed by the shopping mania that overwhelmed the Thanksgiving season this year? To watch TV news or read the newspaper last weekend, you’d think that scoring a smokin’ hot deal on a humongous, flat-screen TV or video game console was the only thing many Americans live for. Sadly, maybe it is.

I wonder … who knows the identity of the “electric elf” who every year magically makes Christmas lights appear along the footbridge that connects the west end of Two Strike Park with Henrietta Avenue. I know, but there’s no way I’m spilling Santa’s little secret!

I wonder … if anyone else thinks the title of the new blockbuster in the werewolves vs. vampire movie franchise should have been “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Wind”? (Sorry, that was just too easy to pass up.)

I wonder … if you’ll see me waving as I ride along with the rest of the CV Weekly crew in the annual Montrose Christmas Parade this weekend? Please come out and enjoy this wonderfully small town tradition and give us a wave and a yell.

And if I don’t see you along Honolulu Avenue Saturday night, I’ll see you ‘round town.