By Charly SHELTON

Nicholas Sparks writes the stories every girl dreams of – lovey-dovey romance stories with the perfect man and the ordinary yet amazing girl that anyone can relate to falling in love and out of love and ultimately wind up living happily ever after.

As a long time boyfriend, I have sat through “The Notebook” too many times for my own taste. But with Sparks’ newest book turned movie, “The Lucky One,” I would gladly take “The Notebook” any time over this film as would my girl.

Starring Zac Efron as a soldier recently returned from his third tour in the Middle East, he is on a mission to find the woman whose picture he found on a battlefield. As he was picking up the picture, a land mine went off where he had been sitting. Had he not gone to pick up the picture, he would not have lived. Returning home, he finds her and takes a job on her dog farm, caring for the animals and lifting heavy things in tight T-shirts. They fall in love, then out of love, when she finds the picture that he never told her about. There is drama and love and sex and lies and an evil ex-husband, among other clichés.

“Titanic” is a chick flick that is not a chick flick. Everyone likes it. “The Notebook” is good, but romance movies aren’t my cup of tea. The closest I want to get to a romance is Spider-Man and Gwen Stacy. But my girlfriend, who twisted my arm into seeing this with her, said this film was a cliché and a waste of time.

I noticed that the sound mixing was really off. Terrible – the worst I have ever seen. This movie is what I now cite as an example of what not to do when someone asks why there are sound categories in the Oscars.

Drops of water sound like whole pots of soup hitting the floor. Steps on the road in sneakers sound like a Clydesdale at full trot. And then the lines are so quiet coming out of their mouths that you almost can’t make it out.

For my girl, she noticed that Efron is completely unrelatable because he has no flaws. He is so perfect all the time that it becomes unrealistic. For example, he walked from Colorado to Louisiana with his dog simply because he likes to walk. That is a bit of a reach, even for Mr. Perfection.

Overall, this feels like it was written by someone who likes Sparks’ works but when trying to replicate them finds that it is harder than it seems. This is a waste of time and money – on date night or otherwise. Just stay home and rent a good movie instead.

Rated PG-13 for some reason, but due to some intense sex scenes, I wouldn’t take teens to this unless they are very mature. I give this film one out of five stars.

And it is a lucky one to get that.

  Charly Shelton