My Wide, Weird World of Wonders

As faithful readers know by now, I love to go a-wondering. For example:

I wonder … why we humans instinctively hunch our shoulders when walking through rain without an umbrella? Do we think our shoulders will somehow keep us dry?

I wonder … how many viewers quit watching last Sunday’s Super Bowl XLVII game after the kickoff-return-touchdown first play of the second half? For anyone who did, they missed one of the best second halves ever. I didn’t have a dog in that fight (a chip in that dip?) so I really didn’t care much who won – although it would have been nice for a California team to beat Baltimore – but good football is good football no matter who wins or loses.

I wonder … speaking of the second half of the game, how many of the big-spending advertisers were giving thanks Sunday afternoon to Entergy Corp. for that power outage? The way the Niners came roaring back after the half-hour-plus delay kept many hundreds of thousands of eyeballs glued to the screen who otherwise would have turned away from the blow-out that was the first half. My wife and I were seconds away from leaving a party and heading home when the power came back on both in the stadium and in the 49ers and suddenly, folks, we had a football game!

I wonder … still thinking about football, if the NFL officials give even a moment’s thought to all the kids in the broadcast audience for one of the most watched events in television history each year? From Janet Jackson’s “accidental” wardrobe malfunction in 2004 to Sunday’s national lap dance by Beyoncé – half time shows seem more and more about explicit content than entertainment. This is progress?

I wonder … if I’ll ever get the opportunity to spend a few hours behind the controls of a backhoe, bulldozer, skip-loader or some other big, yellow, testosterone-boosting, diesel-drinking machine that digs humongous holes in perfectly good dirt. Learning how to operate something with a massive metal bucket has always been on my bucket list.

I wonder … if the onramp to the eastbound 210 freeway at La Crescenta Avenue will ever be repaved? I can feel the tread grinding off my tires every time I use that wretched stretch of asphalt. Pretty please, Caltrans?

I wonder … how President Obama can say with a straight face, as he did in a gun-control-related speech this week in Minneapolis, “… if there’s just one life we can save, we’ve got an obligation to try.” This, when just a week ago our nation marked the 40th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade which has resulted in the deaths of more than 50 million babies. To which I would respond using the President’s own words, “We don’t have to agree on everything to agree that it’s time to do something.” Agreed.

I wonder …  how soon the act of mailing a letter will go the way of yellow pages, home phones and Thomas Brothers maps? I mean, it seems that as the cost of a first class stamp climbs higher, mail delivery is taking longer. Recently I’ve had mail take over a week to get to Montana, and a week-and-a-half to arrive from Maine. Any slower and it might be time to bring back the Pony Express.

I wonder … why so many guys can’t seem to flush a public urinal or toilet after going number one. I mean, water conservation is one thing, but laziness is something else entirely. I want to scream at the clods I regularly see who do their business, zip up and walk out without a care for the next guy in line. Yuck.

I wonder … as long as I’m flush with curiosity, why no one has yet invented the glow-in-the-dark toilet seat? Wouldn’t that make perfect sense? And with that…

I wonder … if it’s time to wrap up this visit to Wonder Land? Probably so.

I’ll see you ‘round town.

  Jim Chase