More Petting of the Peeves

Hey kids, it’s been almost a year since we last visited my kennel of pet peeves and frankly, they’re getting a little lonely. So let’s go visit, shall we?

Pet Peeve #11: Running out of salsa when there are still plenty of chips left in the bag. Or vice versa. This common condition virtually guarantees that if you open a new bag of chips, there will be too many left when you finally run out of salsa. And if you open a new container of salsa or dip, you’ll have too much of it left when all the chips are gone. There has to be some way of eliminating such a vicious (but tasty) circle. Then again, I never have understood why they sell hotdogs in packages of eight, but hot dog buns come by the dozen. Such are the many mysteries of life in the food chain.

Pet Peeve #12: Young retail clerks who mumble. Especially when “helping” an older customer (And no, I’m not talking about myself. I’ve raised four kids – I’m fluent in teenage.) It’s painful to stand in line behind an elderly person who is being mumbled at by the “sales associate.” It makes me want to interrupt their texting and yell, “Slow down. Enunciate. Look this customer in the eyes when you’re talking and try to help them, please!

Pet Peeve #13: The nearly obscene, inappropriate-at-any-hour, anti-smoking propaganda TV commercial from LAQuits.com featuring the disgusting audio track of a wretched man afflicted with emphysema gasping for air. I understand that smoking can result in all sorts of dangerous medical conditions – death being one – but is it appropriate to broadcast the deeply disturbing sound of a human literally dying for oxygen? I’ve seen the spot in the middle of dinner, in the morning before most kids have left for school and other times when kids would almost certainly be watching. I realize that the health zealots who have a white-hot hate for smokers want to scare our children into never picking up a cigarette. (How’s that working, by the way?) But I’d also like to have our youth grow up to never have abortions. Would anyone want to see a similarly gross and inappropriate TV campaign against that horrific practice that kills every time? Didn’t think so.

Pet Peeve #14: When the customized, targeted advertising space on the side of my Facebook home page automatically fills in with ads for AARP, prostate health supplements and Assisted Living options. Stop rushing things!

Pet Peeve #15: Advertisers who take a smart, funny, memorable and buzz-worthy TV commercial – oh, say like the current spot for Sprint that features a well-mannered zombie asking about their “value for life” plan. It’s a brilliant concept, perfectly cast and executed. The first few times I saw it, I loved it and laughed every time. Now, after having seen it a dozen times a day for months, not so much. They’ve ruined an effective commercial in the name of reach and frequency.

Pet Peeve #16: Restaurant servers who ask if you want lemon with your iced tea, and no matter how nicely I reply, “No, thank you!” they ignore my request. At Jack in the Box drive through off the 210 Freeway at Arroyo, I recently told the voice coming out of the speaker that I definitely did not want lemon in my iced tea, thank you very much. Lo and behold, as I drove on the freeway onramp towards La Cañada and took a big sip from the straw, I got a mouthful of ultra-lemony tea. Opening up the top of the cup, I saw not one, not two, but three big, bitter, yellow wedges inside. Maybe I should have mumbled.

And with that, I’ll open up a bag of Purina Peeve Chow to coax the remaining critters back behind the chain link fence until another day.

I’ll see you ’round town.

  Jim Chase