QUESTION: Our grandchild, a baby girl, was born with a heart condition. Because of that she had to stay in the hospital for three months because of a surgery she had right after she was born. She seems to be doing better but has to have frequent check-ups. While she was in the hospital, both sides of the family visited her, talked to her and told her how much we love her, but I always left the hospital crying, worried that she wasn’t going to make it. I still live in that fear and I wonder if God punishes people by giving them sick children.

I’m a Christian, and I pray for her, but I’m not sure God hears my prayers because I’m really having troubles with my faith right now. I know God knows everything, so He must know I’m struggling with my fear and worries. Ideas of how I (and my husband) can better cope are most welcome.
~ Sad Grandparents

Dear Sad Grandparents,
I am sorry to hear that you are in the midst of this difficult situation. It is time filled with great anxiety and worrying, wondering and fear. It is always made more difficult when the person about whom we worry is a child or grandchild, as they are part of us and we only wish the best for them. As to your statement, “I wonder if God punishes people by giving them sick children,” I truly believe that a God of love would never be so petty as to punish a person through the suffering of a child. My belief is that God gives sick children strong and supportive and loving family and friends to help them through the challenges that they face. That is not to say that you need to be “strong” all the time; none of us can do that. But by being there and continuing to pray (as you have said) you have shown that you trust in God and are strong through your love.

Remember that courage and faith are not found in the absence of fear and worry, but rather in the midst of them. I commend you on the strength you and your husband have shown. As to some ways to cope about your fear and worries, I would first say be truthful to yourself about them. The tears you have shed show the depth of the love you have for your granddaughter and as each one falls down your cheek it holds within it a dream you have for this little one.

Also, I would commend you to the care of friends, other family members, or your church as places to find another to share this burden.

Finally, continue to lift your prayers both for the continued healing of your granddaughter and for your own comfort and strength. May God bless you in the words of Isaiah, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

May you be filled with strength and comfort,

Pastor Scott Petersen
pastor@lcifoothills.org

Dear Sad Grandparents,
I am so sorry to hear this and feel for you as I also had a child that was born and could not leave the hospital for quite awhile. It was an extremely scary and sad time for me and I completely empathize.

I can also relate to you in your season of struggling with your faith. I have had many trials in the past few years that seemed to be unanswered when I prayed. I became weary, wondered if God was real, if God heard my prayers, if He even cared. On better days, I decided to simply let go, tell God I was praying with a faith that I did not “feel” but I was going to pray nonetheless. I also, out of obedience, asked others to pray for me. During these seasons, I would pray and just talk to God in my disappointment, anger and lack of faith. I would pray along the lines of, “God, I do not feel you right now and I know you know that. But out of obedience and blind faith that I do not feel, I ask you to eventually bring resolve and give me a peace that surpasses understanding while I wait.”

When I am in a life situation such as this, I rely on Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

My prayers did get answered; however, the answers took a long time and I felt I was given more than I could bear. I disliked the clichés well-meaning friends would give me, such as, “God is making you stronger,” or “God will never give you more than you can handle.” Those sayings were callous as I had learned the “strong” lesson in my life with many unsolicited trials and, quite frankly, I was tired and angry.

I also take notice of your concern that God punishes people with sick children. If this is linked to any guilt you have or thoughts of another being punished, please go to God with this. The Bible tells us that, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12). So no, God does not punish us. There are natural consequences at times, but not punishment.

I share with you in a vulnerable way as I hope my story will allow you to ask others to hold you up in prayer, accept that God knows you are disappointed and lack faith, and encourage you to pray anyway.

And I will commit to adding you to my prayer list daily because, even when we do not believe it, prayer works.

Rev. Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT
kimberlie.zakarian@gmail.com

QUESTION: My neighbor and I get along quite well except for one thing. She is very critical. It doesn’t matter the subject, she’ll always come up with something to say about something that is normally very positive. For example, there’s a restaurant where my family and I like to go for dinner once a week. I was telling her about the delicious dinner I had a few days ago and her reply was, “I can’t stand that restaurant! The food servers are rude, and I really don’t like the food they serve.”

My reply to these comments, including those criticizing her own family is, “You’re entitled to your opinion.” If she challenges me during our conversations, I’ll flat out tell her what I think and then repeat something like, “Actually, we’re both entitled to our opinions.”

I used to invite her over for coffee, but I don’t anymore because our conversations always leave me feeling down. I really wonder if she knows what she’s doing or if this is a habitual response to everything and anything. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I would like some advice that may get her to thinking that there are other more positive ways to look at the world.
~ Sunshine Girl

Dear Sunshine Girl,
You are kind to be concerned about your critical neighbor. Many would just stop being around someone who always brings the mood down. I wonder if she has always been this way or if it’s something new. If this is a relatively new behavior perhaps something has changed in her life and a gentle question or two might bring a cause to light. That could lead to a solution. If she has lost someone close, there are grief support groups. If she is suffering chronic pain or other health issues there are many care options. If your friend has been this way for a long time, maybe she has been spending a lot of time absorbing radio, TV or online news that sensationalizes events and emphasizes the negative to get more listeners, viewers, etc. If she also comments on online articles or participates in social media, she is bathed in a culture of rude, sometimes anonymous, chatter. Those who post complaints do not get the immediate feedback of facial expressions they get with in-person interaction and may get in the habit of not thinking of the likely consequences of what they say.

It might help if you respond to her negative remarks with something like, “Oh, how sad you feel that way.” Then you can ask about her favorite restaurant, store, movie or whatever the complaint was about. You could share funny, heartwarming stories with her and good news from your family and other neighbors. If she responds with complaints about something, you can say, “I try to forget the bad things and concentrate on the good.” Good examples might cause her to rethink her attitude.

I hope you are able to maintain your own good will and help your neighbor find a way to look on the bright side – at least part of the time.

Sharon Weisman
sharon@jetcafe.org

Good day and Happy New Year Sunshine Girl,
You sound like a wonderful person. The problem is all people aren’t as fortunate as you. The reality of our human condition is that some folks see the glass full, half full or half empty and some see it empty all of the time.
These ways of being are all normal – normal in the same way seasons come and go. Tides come and go. High-energy days come and go. None of the seven-plus billion of us are the same and our life experiences, DNA and cultures shape, mold and inform everything we say and do.

If I may, I’d like to suggest that you keep on being the positive one with an additional task. I’d like you to be kind to yourself and when your critical neighbor or anyone brings negative energy, dark humor, or upsetting commentaries your way you politely step away from them.

We have choices in this life. I’m encouraging you and all of the folks who might read this column to be your own best friend. “Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and when to run.” These words from a very popular song are useful. We have choices in life, so keep on choosing to be happy, content and full of sunshine. The world needs you!

Rev Gordon Clay Bailey
gordonclaybailey@gmail.com