Overcoming Resistance To Memory Care

Dear Phyllis,

I am another loyal reader who enjoys your real estate advice. I have a question with a twist. I am my mother’s conservator, she has dementia. Although she has caretakers, it’s getting to be the time that I will need to sell her home to continue to pay for her care. I can’t sell the home while she is living there. My two brothers are no help, and the responsibility rests with me. I have many sleepless nights worrying about how I will get her moved. She gets very angry and will not go willingly.  Part of her dementia is she is very suspicious of my motives. I hope you have some sage advice so I can get on with selling her home.  Audrey

Dear Audrey,

I understand that you don’t want to sell the home with your mother in it. I agree that it would be very confusing for her in her present situation, at best. Overcoming her resistance to moving will be difficult, and I sympathize with you. 

Since she’s suspicious of your motives, perhaps your mother would be more receptive to advice from a trusted friend or doctor, who can explain the benefits of her moving. Instead of framing the move as permanent, present it as a temporary stay or a trial period to help her feel more comfortable. Highlight the positive aspects, like increased social interaction or activities she might enjoy.

I had a client in a similar situation. She handled it by gradually getting her mother accustomed to the facility. Try taking her to lunch there. You may need to do this numerous times. The goal is to have her become acquainted and comfortable with the staff. If she’s able, ease her into it by having her participate in a few activities. Have her slowly get acclimated. This worked for my client, and I hope it works for you. 

I wish you the best in getting your mom the necessary care and the sale of her home.

Best regards,

Phyllis