By Mary O’KEEFE

“Addiction and mental illness are a family affair,” said Susan Bolan. “In Ben’s (my/our son’s) case, the addictive tendencies and mental issues inherited from his ancestors converged, causing him great distress. He described feeling depressed at an age as early as 12 and started taking drugs as a way to feel ‘normal.’ We were not aware that he was struggling until much later.”

Ben died of an overdose on Jan. 15, 2020. He was 26, engaged to be married and had put a deposit down on an apartment, which he never moved into.

Fentanyl along with other opioids have changed the drug world forever. Fentanyl is a drug that can be made cheaply then transported and sold quickly under numerous names. Most of the illegal fentanyl found in the U.S. is trafficked from Mexico using chemicals sourced in China, according to the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). 

Although drug overdoses from fentanyl have been decreasing, in part due to naloxone, the use of fentanyl may not be going down quite as fast. Known by its brand name Narcan, it reverses opioid overdose.

“The latest DEA laboratory testing, announced in the fall of 2024, indicated that five out of 10 pills tested contained a potentially deadly dose of fentanyl. This is down from seven out of 10 pills [tested] in 2023 and six out of 10 pills in 2022,” according to the DEA. 

“We had a very good relationship,” Bolan said of her son. “We discussed many things.”

But there was a secret side of Ben’s life. On the outside he looked to be living a normal teen life but that was not the case at all. When he was 18 he shared his feelings of depression with his mom, who was “shocked” to find out what her son was struggling with.

“We [his family] were not aware that he had been struggling,” Bolan said. 

Ben described experiencing feelings of depression as early as 12 years old. He started taking illegal drugs as a way to feel normal. 

Once he told his family what he was going through they offered support but they were not sure how much help he needed. 

“I let him guide his treatment, which was pretty limited,” she said. 

Ben was being cared for by a psychiatrist and different medications were tried; however, his system was resistant to many types of depression medications. 

His behavior, and drug use, affected the entire family. He had been sharing a room with his older brother, who got frustrated by his behavior and moved out. 

“[Ben] told me the [illegal] drugs he tried made him feel better,” Bolan said. “He enjoyed dabbling in dangerous things.” 

Ben had been smoking marijuana since an early age. Bolan wants people to know that the marijuana of the past is nothing like it is today. According to studies, the THC found in marijuana in just a few years has increased from 4% to 12%. 

There has been an ongoing debate as to whether to refer to marijuana as a “gateway drug” though many in the drug rehabilitation field do describe it as a gateway. Bolan agrees and said that marijuana, at the strength it is now, can extend beyond recreational use to addiction. 

Ben’s marijuana use expanded to heroin for recreational purposes. He was able to function while taking drugs. He held down a job and there were long periods of time when he didn’t use any drug; however, there were other times when he used then lost touch with reality. 

Bolan added that Ben’s mental illness was something that ran in the family. Her paternal grandmother dealt with bipolar disorder and depression and she feels those  mental health issues were passed to her family members. Other members of her family have shown signs of mental illness, and two cousins died by suicide. She also lost an uncle to overdose. But none of that seemed to deter Ben. 

Despite knowing of his family’s history, having an open relationship with his family and getting mental health support, Ben still struggled. 

Trying to get help for a child who is abusing drugs and is dealing with a mental illness can be very difficult. It is something that consumes waking hours, where you are constantly looking for ways to help and waiting for that “other shoe to drop.” 

“Several well-meaning people suggested that we give up on Ben, telling us to kick him out of the house and disown him. What does that accomplish?” she said.

“We did everything we could and never gave up [hoping] that some day he would conquer his demons and live a normal life.”

But in the end his addiction won. Ben’s fiancée, who was with him at the time of his overdose, was also using drugs, and said they thought they had purchased heroin. She took a different dose than Ben. It appeared Ben thought he had purchased heroin and an opioid but instead it was a fatal dose of fentanyl. 

“I went numb,” Bolan said of the news of her son’s death.

Even though in her heart she knew the day of his death would come, it was surreal when it actually happened. Then came the task of telling her two other children that their brother had died.

“The aftermath is waking up every morning … you at first feel okay then you go ‘My son is dead,’” she said. 

Her family members leaned on each other and Bolan found the outlet of writing therapeutic (she is a columnist with CVW). 

Bolan does not want anyone to have to go through the tragedy of losing a child to drugs. She has joined the Crescenta Valley Substance Misuse Coalition/CV Cares. She shares her story of loss with those in the Coalition and with audiences at events she attends. And she warns others that addiction can happen to anyone … to any family. 

“Ben was very intelligent and knew that fentanyl was dangerous and that he should stay away from it. It is so much more powerful compared to other opiates.  The day we lost him, he thought he was taking benzodiazepines and heroin ‘one last time’ using the same doses his body was used to. It was a lethal combo,” she said. “His death was a terrible tragedy and we are heartbroken that we couldn’t save him.  Our hope for the future is that other families will learn from our struggles, catch the signs earlier and be able to intervene before it is too late. I am proud to have joined the CV Cares team to be able to share my experiences and contribute to the well-being of the community I love.”