When Old People Marry

Tomorrow, April 25, is my wedding anniversary. Steve and I married back in 1981 (we were super young) so 2025 marks 44 blissful years. 

That year Easter came late – April 19. I remember because we were married in the Catholic Church (by both my priest and his minister) and before Easter many of the statues were covered by purple cloths and there were no flowers on the altar. Knowing that flowers in the church on Easter Sunday would be plentiful (and having little to no money), we voted to get married the first Saturday after Easter guaranteeing lots of flowers (we weren’t disappointed).

I suppose it’s not surprising that I always thought that people who were married for 30-plus years were old. Yet, at 44 years, I don’t think of Steve and me as old. 

Neither of our parents made it to 44 years. My dad died in 1977 (at the age of 52); he and my mom were married just shy of 18 years when he died. Steve’s dad died in 1989; he and my mother-in-law were married 38 years.

Steve and I have marveled that we don’t have grand celebrations on milestone dates. For example, for our 33rd anniversary we kayaked with whales in La Jolla. Anniversary #33 isn’t a big deal – unlike 25 for example, though I can’t remember what we did on our 25th anniversary. 

Not to be a downer, but of late the concept of “gray divorce” has intrigued me. According to VeryWellMind.com, many people who’ve been married a long time are now considering divorce – if not already having divorced. According to the article, the reasons behind the phenomenon are complex and include empty nest syndrome, financial issues, infidelity, health problems, growing apart, changing expectations and societal changes. What I find particularly interesting is that women – not men – oftentimes initiate divorce and those among the “Baby Boomer” generation “make up the bulk of the age group over 50 – and this generation is more likely to divorce than older and younger generations.” The researchers also noted that people over the age of 65 are the only age group with growing divorce rates. In contrast, the divorce rate among adults in their 20s and 30s has actually declined in recent years. (I wonder if that’s because more couples are living together rather than making the commitment of getting married. Living together was a no-no way back when.) 

Not surprisingly, the effects of gray divorce can be many – and none too kind. Changing financial situations, grief, loss, stress and anxiety are just some of the effects that can accompany a late-in-life divorce.

Though the expectations are different now than when I was a new bride at 20, I can honestly say I’ve had an unbelievable ride … and I hope it continues.