QUESTION: For six years now, I’ve had a chronic illness. I have ups and downs – sometimes I feel good and other times I feel awful. The doctors have told me that “sooner or later” the disease will take my life. I’m so very tired of this that I just keep praying sooner rather than later. Is it wrong to want to die? Is the decision in my hands or God’s?

~ Very Weary

Dear Very Weary,

This life can be hard and it can be wearing, but never more so than when we are fighting a chronic disease that can, at times, make one wish for death. In this you are not alone. Elijah the Prophet, who felt himself a failure, also wished to die. While he did not have a disease, he did have circumstances that led him to the same conclusion as you are experiencing now. He had performed great miracles demonstrating God’s power over all the idols of his time. In doing so he had created powerful enemies that wanted to kill him. So he fled to the wilderness and asked God to let him die. He had labored hard to bring Israel back to God, but in the end all his labor seem for naught. Even though he had seen the mighty wondrous works of God in his life he now doubted in God’s ability to bring the desired result.

Elijah did not really want to die, but his faith had grown weak with all the struggling and he felt life was no longer worth living. The problem was Elijah was focused on the problem and not God. He was more concerned with the results than the simple act of obedience that God was asking for. Perhaps Jesus said it best when praying for God to take the cup of his death away from him. Finally he surrendered fully to the task at hand by saying these words, “Yet not my will, but yours be done.” Through this obedience unto death we have been given the gift of eternal life.

Perhaps none of us realizes from our own perspective the impact we have on the world around us. We only see the remaining problems and not the changes that our lives have helped bring to pass in others. Like ripples in a pond so our life touches others that touch others and continues to cascade touching countless others. We will never know the value that our lives have until we see it through heaven’s eyes. Sometimes just the simple act of being alive can be a strength to those around us. This can be seen when a distant relative dies and we feel a great loss even though we have not spoken to them for years. Our lives impact this world in ways we do not recognize or comprehend.

In addition, the powerful effect of our prayers cannot be underestimated. We have a unique ability to intercede for others while on this earth, not to mention what a simple “God bless you” or even a smile can bring to someone in need. We are the lights of the world and while we burn bright in this world it is a much better place.

The most precious gift that God has given us is life. In fact, the great gift of God through Jesus Christ is eternal life in the fullness of joy. Jesus shares with us the importance of this current life when He said, “We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming when no one can work.” We must redeem the time and make our lives count even through the struggles so that others may know of this great gift. The Apostle Paul exhorts us by saying, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Finally, let me say that no one can fully know what another is experiencing but please know that you are not alone. Many are praying for you and hoping for your miracle to manifest. For each of us God has an appointed a time to enter eternity, but every moment we are still here has purpose. The faithfulness of God is always with us and his promise remains, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Know that Jesus is with you now, through every moment of pain, and forever in the fullness of joy.

Rev. David Richardson

david@firepointchurch.com

Dear Very Weary,

Life is filled with good days and bad days, whether there is illness or not. And we aren’t gonna get “out of here” alive in our physical body. Someone once shared with me that we are all born to die. Hmmmm …

Gratitude is a very important and powerful emotion and feeling. Science is proving that being in gratitude changes your attitude, your mental, emotional and physical well-being. If you develop the habit for every evening and every morning, sometimes every moment as needed, of writing down a list of gratitudes when you are feeling good, and particularly when you are feeling not so good, you will find a shift in your energy to more positive feelings.

We are all here to learn lessons and hopefully to share our wisdom from those lessons. Perhaps reading some books that tell of people overcoming their seeming limitations would help support you in gratitude, or give you another perspective towards living your life to the fullest and best you can with what you are dealing with. “Unstoppables” by Cynthia Kersey tells true stories of people dealing with disease, illness and great obstacles and turning their lives around. And there are many YouTube videos that are inspiring. Being of service is also powerful in shifting from weary to winner.

Most importantly, love yourself. You matter while you are here. Make the most of life and, who knows? You could just surprise the doctors with a miracle healing.

Love and gratitude … and healing takes place.

The decision is in your choice to live fully, gratefully and with love for every breath, every moment. Claim your power.

Blessings to you,

Laney Clevenger White, RScP

laneycl@ca.rr.com

QUESTION: I have a brother who has a drinking problem and has consistently arrived intoxicated to family
gatherings. His behavior is belligerent and full of swear words. We have two children, ages 5 and 9. My wife and I decided that we would not go to any more family gatherings at my parent’s house unless they set some boundaries about his behavior. We asked them in October to speak to him, but they didn’t. We decided not to go on Christmas Eve this year, and we told my parents in early December we wouldn’t be there.

Now we’re having second thoughts. Did we do the right thing? This has been going on for several years and, finally, we’ve had enough.

~ Prefer Peace

Dear Prefer Peace,

It is perfectly okay to set boundaries in your relationships, especially when it comes to destructive behavior that affects both you and your family. Alcoholism in a close family member is a very difficult thing to deal with. As painful as it is for you and your parents, and as difficult the guilt over your choice may be, taking a stand against this behavior is a good thing; more importantly it can serve as a wake up call an alcoholic needs to confront the effect their drinking is having on others and hopefully motivates them to get treatment.

Alcoholics Anonymous has a great treatment and support program, is affordable (basically free) and has a track record of effectiveness going back 84 years. I
would encourage you to call and talk with a local chapter for guidance as to the best way to help your brother. It comes as no surprise that your parents could not bring themselves to confront your brother about his drinking. Alcoholism affects even the members of a family who are not drinkers. Sadly, most alcoholics are master manipulators and know precisely how to guilt loved ones to get their way. Oftentimes, family members themselves, even if they are not alcoholics, need treatment and support in getting free of the tyranny of an alcoholic in the family. A great group to contact would be a local chapter of Adult Children of Alcoholics (works even for parents of an alcoholic). These are people who have been through what you have been through and possess a wealth of information to help you and your other
family members survive the trauma of alcoholism, and find some sort of happiness again.

These are the constructive, positive and practical things to do. There is also a spiritual way to approach this as well, and it is through power of prayer. Ernest Holmes, founder of the Science of Mind, pointed out that underneath every alcoholic’s drinking problem, there is a negative self belief (which the drinking helps them suppress) that they are worthless and of little value. Indeed, part of the healing is coming to recognize one’s worth and value in spite of all the destructiveness of alcohol in their lives.

Here is a little prayer you can say on your brother’s behalf. I would encourage you to commit it to memory and repeat it every time you think or feel your brother is challenged. Most especially, say it to yourself when you find yourself angry, unforgiving, resentful or depressed over your brother’s behavior. Repeat it even if at first it seems ridiculous and untrue. Continue to repeat it until you believe it. The power of its words will not be denied.
“My brother is a beautiful child of God. He is perfectly healed. Alcohol has no power over him. He cannot stand it. Its spell over him is broken, never to return. All the family rejoices in the wondrous results of his treatment, and his growth in becoming a wonderful, healthy and whole human being filled with kindness, love, consideration, goodness and forgiveness for all, including himself.”

Anthony Kelson, RscP

anthony@apkelson.com

Dear Prefer Peace,

You ended your letter with “prefer peace” so the decision to not attend a Christmas Eve family gathering with a belligerent, swearing drunk was your only solution. You have young children and you don’t want their memories of past Christmases to be of that ugly behavior which might also be frightening to them.

Why don’t you create some new traditions for your family? You could pile into the family car on Christmas Eve, drive around seeing Christmas lights, come back, bake cookies and sing Christmas carols. My family tradition was to let us kids open one present on Christmas Eve and then the rest on Christmas morning with Swedish pancakes for breakfast. Just so your parents don’t miss out on seeing their grandchildren, have them over on Christmas morning so they can see the kids unwrap presents and then have a special breakfast.

Please remember that you can’t do anything about your brother’s drunkenness, and you certainly don’t have to participate in it. He has to sober up on his own. And prayer for that can’t hurt.

Carolyn Young

cjymesalila@gmail.com