Question: My mother is very ill with an incurable form of cancer. She has been an incredibly wonderful grandmother to our three children. Every day at bedtime we pray for grandma. Our youngest, Janie, is very close to grandma. Lately when we pray, Janie begins to cry. My husband and I have told our children that grandma will be leaving us soon and going to heaven. This seems to make Janie even sadder. What could we tell her to put her mind at ease?
~ Uncertain Parents

Dear Uncertain Parents,

Letting go of the physical presence of our loved ones is one of the hardest things we ever do. We must all learn to accept that death is a natural part of life. World religions have conflicting ideas about death, eternal life, reincarnation and heaven and hell. As a New Thought minister, I teach that all of life is connected in, and as, one divine intelligent loving energy; that is who, and what, we all are. Energy never dies or disappears. It just changes form in the way that water freezes, becomes ice, melts, evaporates and falls as rain. It’s all just different forms of water.

I feel that the issue here is that you are telling your children your mother is leaving all of you to go to heaven. Jesus said, “Behold, the kingdom of heaven is within you.” (Luke 17:21) I don’t believe that your mother is leaving you; she is just changing form.

There is a wonderful book by renowned author and psychologist, Dr. Leo Buscaglia, called “The Fall Of Freddy The Leaf.” It is a small, simple and spiritual book for young and old about life and death. It was invaluable to me when I was looking for a way to explain the death of my father to my children.

My yoga instructor teaches that our ancestors, loved ones and spiritual guides are always with us, supporting us with their love from the other side of this physical world. We currently experience life with our five physical senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell). Our sixth sense is intuition, which is our invisible connection to spirit. Use the example of the law of gravity when talking with your children. We can’t taste, touch, see, hear or smell it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

My mother has just entered hospice care. Her physical presence will be gone and I will miss her beyond words. Yet I know that my mother is not just a body. She is pure life energy and she will never really leave me. We hold our loved ones forever in our hearts and can connect with their divine essence any time. Let’s choose to celebrate their lives, free from pain and suffering, and be eternally grateful for the love that never dies.

Rev. Karen Mitchell
revkarenmitchell@gmail.com

Dear Uncertain Parents,

I’m sorry about your mom. Death has invaded every family. The curse of mortality belongs to everyone. And our most dangerous enemy, with whom we fight tooth and nail, eventually catches up to us, no matter how fast we run. God knows this. And so he provides a myriad of different ways to pry our fingers off of mortal life in preparation for immortal life. Janie needs to know that her grandma’s soul, that which makes her really her, is immortal right now and will never die. It’s getting ready for a new life without cancer. That’s the hope we have in Jesus – a new body that never dies, that never suffers any disease and that lives forever in paradise.

My own parents helped me with these kinds of discussions when death came for family members. It might be helpful to ask Janie which she would choose for her grandma – continuing life in a hospital bed, suffering from incurable cancer, or a new body, perfect and whole that is cancer free while she lives in paradise with God in heaven.

For most people, children especially, death means a final goodbye. It means you won’t see your loved one anymore. But the Christian hope is that Jesus has conquered death. And so the holy apostle asks: “Where o death is your sting? Death has been swallowed up in victory!” Good theology is so helpful in difficult times like these. The good news is, death is not the end. Janie will indeed see her grandma again. And on that day, grandma will be completely healthy, cancer free and have a smile on her face! What a day that will be!

Children are able to grasp these truths. Since the Resurrection Easter message is true, then there is eternal hope for everyone who believes. Death then simply becomes a commencement ceremony for graduation into a brand new eternal life.

It’s natural and healthy for Janie to cry. Her grandma is dying. The family is grieving together. During this difficult time, why not give Janie a big dose of hope and faith?

Rev. Jon T. Karn
PastorJon@lightonthecorner.org

Question: When I was 16, I received a car from my parents for my birthday. I do have to include that my brother, sister and I were raised to be responsible and never caused our parents any problems. The car really was as much a gift to my family as to me because my parents both worked and I picked up my siblings from school and/or took them to lessons and games.

Now, my wife and I have a daughter who just turned 16 and two sons, ages 14 and 12. Like my parents, our children have been raised to be responsible and we’re very proud of them. I’d like to give our daughter a car for her birthday and believe me that would be most helpful as it was when I was growing up. My wife and I both work and could use some help in the ride situation for our sons. My wife’s argument is this is a different time and more dangerous. She doesn’t want to give our daughter a car. We’re a faith-based family and I tell her that we must trust and know everything will work out just fine. What do you think? ~ Perplexed Dad

Dear Perplexed Dad,

While times have certainly changed, behind all the change is the changeless – and that is God. We must have faith in God and God’s plan for each and every one of us. Trust the process. Your daughter will do just fine!

There are two constants that have not and will not ever change. One is God and two is that your daughter is the combination of you and your wife. Between the infinite intelligence God is and the divine guidance of two wise and experienced individuals with pure love for their daughter, and your daughter being a reflection of both of you, you can trust yourselves to coach your daughter how to drive, what to do in emergency situations and general safety precautions for traveling. I trust you would not give her bad advice.

Just as importantly, have faith in your daughter and the world around you. Faith is beautiful. We practice it all the time even when we do not realize it. When I go to sleep I have faith I will wake up. When I drive to church, class or work I have faith I will arrive. I have faith people will obey traffic signals like I have faith that there are more people practicing goodness than bad. Plus you deserve a little help with all the driving it takes for a family of five with three teens. Enjoy the journey, friend.

Devin Gilliland, RScP in Training
dgilliland81@gmail.com

Dear Perplexed Dad,

I can appreciate the dilemma you’re in! I don’t think the reason that you’ve made the decision to give your daughter a car is just because you were given one at her age. Yes, having a new car is a big responsibility, but something in you has realized that she’s ready for it.

Any time we are faced with a decision, it’s important to listen to the inner conversation that we have with ourselves. We are always at choice to listen to our fear-based thoughts or our trust-based thoughts. Neither is mutually exclusive. Fear-based thoughts that hold us back hold more trust that things will not work out than will; trust-based thoughts that inspire us to move forward may have fear, but we don’t let it stop us from proceeding to our goal.

You wife is right; it is a different time then when you grew up – but your parents could have said the same! Also, all 16-year-old kids are not the same. There are some adults who aren’t as mature and responsible as some 16-year-olds! Only you, your wife and your daughter know if she is capable of dealing with driving in today’s world. For this to be a success, all of you must make the decision together and then trust and respect it.

To ease into the situation, perhaps you can start with limiting the locations and the times your daughter drives to, such as not on freeways or not after 10 p.m., etc. That will give everyone a chance to build confidence in your daughter’s ability to remain safe on the road and ultimately that you have all made the right decision.

If you think about it, there are risks in everything that we do and everywhere we go. We can’t let those risks stop us from moving forward in life. When you pray on it, allow spirit to guide you to your best decision, together. When you come from the spirit-centered consciousness, you will know that you’ve made the right decision because it will come from a place of calm, peace and certainty.

In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com