QUESTION: We are the parents of a special needs child; we’ll call her Josie, age 9. She was born with a congenital condition that requires she be in a wheelchair during the day. She attends special education classes and is doing well in her classes. Her speech is sometimes difficult to understand, but we’ve learned to communicate with her and so have her teachers.

Our challenge is individuals who feel they have to overly sympathize for Josie and us. We believe as Christians that we were given this child to love and care for. We don’t require sympathy but words of encouragement would be welcome. We don’t consider Josie a burden at all. She is our beloved daughter.

Please tell folks to speak words of encouragement to parents of special needs kids rather than seeing them as overburdened.

– Josie’s Mom and Dad

Dear Josie’s Mom and Dad,

Thank you for posing this fundamental quandary for consideration! Your plea for encouragement rather than sympathy is common in this world as we continue to struggle with differences. Although the concepts of diversity and inclusion are main topics of discussion throughout the business world and among healthcare professionals, the lack of understanding regarding basic needs is underwhelming, at best.

Oliver Sacks, the British author and neurologist, spent his career discovering the miraculous properties of the brain. He is credited with the following statement: “I wish for a world that views disability, mental or physical, not as a hindrance but as unique attributes that can be seen as powerful assets if given the right opportunities.”

I imagine this sentiment resonates with you due to your commitment to your daughter’s advancement and the painstaking efforts you’ve made in assuring her success. I’m sure she has many gifts and talents that you and her teachers treasure.
In a world where we so often forget to look beyond the obvious, Christians must assume the responsibility to be light in the darkness. Psalm 19:8 teaches us that, “His teachings make us joyful and radiate His light; His precepts are so pure! His commands, how they challenge us to keep close to His heart! The revelation light of His word makes my Spirit shine radiant.” TPT.

My encouragement to you is to continue your quest to bring understanding, acceptance and normalcy to your daughter and others in similar situations. Your light will assist others in recognizing the unique gifts offered by our differences rather than our sameness. There is value in all of us, reviewing Philippians 2:1-4, which speaks of Christ’s humility: “Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in Spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

This passage of Scripture is a beautiful reminder of who we are and whose we are. It’s also a great reminder of how we must be present in the world.

I’ll leave you with one additional encouragement that seems to sum up my thoughts and offers hope: “There is only one way to look at things until someone shows us how to look at them with different eyes.” Pablo Picasso

I’m hoping that you and others will gain confidence and understanding by looking through the eyes of Christ for illumination and reassurance.
Be well & be blessed!

Lucinda Guarino

lguarino@ymcafoothills.org

Dear Josie’s Mom and Dad,

Thank you for sharing with us the joy of having Josie in your lives. Your testimony is a witness to all of us of the attitude that we all are invited to have toward God’s creation.

I fully believe that everything that God creates is perfect as it is very clearly said in the book of Genesis: “God looked over everything God had made; it was so good, so very good!” Gen 1:31. Moreover, we humans have a special place in creation because we are all created in God’s image (Gen 1:27).

When I hear that not everyone fully appreciates the perfection in creation, it saddens me and it tells me that as humanity we still have a lot of work to do. This is especially true when I hear our fellow Christian siblings not fully appreciating the perfect creation of God in every human being.

In my tradition, one of the ways that we greet one another during worship is by saying, “God dwells in you.” This is intended to remind all of us that we are created in God’s image.

Josie, and every child with special needs, is a perfect creation of a God who loves them so much that made them in its image. So anytime we see Josie and any child with special needs we should say, “God dwells in you.”

When we acknowledge these children as images of God, there will be no feelings of sympathy. Instead, there will be feelings of awe, joy and gratitude. Who feels sympathy for God our creator?

I believe that God brought Josie into your household, not only because God knew that she would be embraced as the gift that she is, but I also believe that God has given you that light to be shared with the world because, “No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.” Matthew 5:15.

Although challenging, I invite you to continue sharing the light of Josie in your lives with an attitude of curiosity toward those who don’t see that light yet. If someone says something that sounds sympathetic, like, “My heart is with you,” I invite you to be curious and ask: “Why is it that your heart is with us?” This could be the beginning of a conversation in which the other person’s eyes will be open to the light of that gift that God has given you.

You are the light of the world.

Reverend Antonio Gallardo

agallardo@
stlukeslacrescenta.org

Question: My twin brother is suicidal. I live in fear every day that he will succeed. We’re 20 years old, were raised the same way by loving parents who support us and, like me, are trying to understand my brother’s desire to end his life. They didn’t “play favorites.” Neither my parents nor I remember any traumas he may have experienced. He played in Little League, got good grades in school and, although we’re both attending the same college, we each have a different focus.

We’re all in family therapy to try to help him. In the meantime, at the end of the day and I don’t see him, I panic and so does my mom. We’re so relieved when he walks through the door. Outside of therapy, my dad won’t talk about our problem.

Is there anything else we can be doing to help him? And how do my mom and stay peaceful about this? ~ Fearful Sister

Dear Fearful Sister,

Thank you for sharing about your twin brother. What you and your family are doing by being in therapy is the right thing to do. Keep on doing that! Also, do not get angry with your brother. Keep on being as supportive as you can. After that, although I hate to say it, there is not much else you can do. If you are religious, “keep the faith” and keep on praying for your brother. But you are already doing the right thing.

I should tell you that my wife is a marriage and family therapist, and I checked with her about what I should say. It was she who told me that you should be supportive and not get angry with your brother. And she also suggested continued prayers. What I would add is that sometimes in life we are helpless to do any more than what we are doing. Right now would seem to be one of those times.

Rev. Skip Lindeman

lindemanskip@yahoo.com

Dear Fearful Sister,

I can understand how distressing this situation is for you and your family. I am the parent of twins and they both went through some challenging times when they were younger. With their permission I am sharing that they both had expressed a desire to take their lives at one time. It was difficult on our family as we tried to provide the support, help and guidance they needed. One of the beliefs that got us through was embracing this was their journey and recognizing they chose their parents to help guide them.

You don’t mention if your brother has been clinically diagnosed with depression, which could be the source of his suicidal thoughts. Depression is highly treatable and, with the right diagnosis and plan, he can get the help he needs. It’s important to recognize that mental “distress” ¬– as I’ll call it – should be viewed as an illness of the mind and there should be no stigma or shame in discussing it. 

I recommend that your family look into “Stamp Out Stigma,” Suicide Prevention Resource Center, and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Continue working closely with your family therapist to assist you in managing your own distress.

As a Science of Mind minister and practitioner, one of the tenets of this philosophy is that where we focus our thoughts and attention there goes our lives. The more you live in fear and doubt, the harder it is for you to help your brother or yourself. Ernest Holmes, founder of SOM, said, “A consciousness of faith will reverse fear.” Instead of fear and panic, try to change your thoughts to faith and peace. Know that your brother is a divine expression of God and has within him everything he needs to be happy, healthy and whole. Know this truth for him and maintain within yourself an atmosphere of peace, calm and clarity. Trust that you are doing the right things for him and your family. 

I’ll finish with this quote from Ernest Holmes: “The one seeking to demonstrate the power of spiritual realization in everyday affairs should believe in divine guidance … and that everything in life is controlled by love, harmony and peace.” 

Holding a space of love and divine truth,

Rev. Dr. Ellen Contente

www.revellenfaith.com