Question:

How does one deal emotionally with the political climate that seems to pervade our glorious United States of America? I call it “fifth-grade playground skirmishes.” I’m an 83-year-old veteran who is grateful to be living in this country. I’ve served in third world countries and seen what civil wars and poverty can to do individuals and families, which make me appreciate living here even more. And, party politics – Republicans hating the Democrats and vice versa – is detracting from the real business of the USA. I feel helpless with all of this going on.
I attend church regularly and pray for our country every day and still I’m sick and nervous by the chaos coming from our government. Is there some way to be peaceful regardless of the needless bickering?
~ Dismayed Senior Citizen

Dear Dismayed Senior Citizen,
Thank you so much for asking a question that needs to be asked right now.
It seems as if the very fabric of our lives as Americans, and as human
beings on this planet, is stretched and torn. As a country, we have already
been through some extremely challenging times throughout our
history … so why does this time feel so different? I believe it is because we
are all so much more informed and aware of what is happening
everywhere. You mention seeing a schoolyard mentality. I think of bullying, name calling, hitting and yelling. When we are kids, and we are confused
and afraid, that is sometimes how we react to life. As adults, we hopefully have
learned how to respond to others with respect, taking
responsibility for our own part of the problem. I cannot tell you why this
climate of division is happening now, but I can tell you that recognizing our
core of Oneness is the key.
Jesus lived the Golden Rule, because he knew
that we are all One. Some of the master teachers of human history have
suggested what we should do, not just in difficult times, but at all times.
First, keep focusing on the good in every situation. You may have to
search really hard to see it at first, but it is always there. What we place our
No. 1
focus on grows and expands. Second, entertain the idea that everything is
happening as part of a divine perfection. I am reminded of Margaret
Mitchell’s story about writing “Gone With The Wind.” She believed that
the only reason she was able to write it was because she had fallen from a
horse and was bed-ridden. We cannot see all outcomes nor understand
all the reasons why everything happens. But we can always control our
responses to it – we can be adults and not children. We may feel like we
are helpless, but we are not. Stand for love and goodness, for
compassion and peace. Love your neighbor as yourself. Practice a
“namasté” attitude and see the Divinity in all things – not just the ones we
agree with.
Dr. Ernest Holmes, the founder of Religious Science, asked us to
be for something, and against nothing. Ghandhi asked us to be the
change we want to see in the world. You are not helpless, my friend, you
are very powerful indeed. You have the power to be a light in this world
during dark times. You are needed. You are changing the world from the
inside out. Governments, politics, even mountains will rise and fall. And
 the Light always prevails.
Rev. Karen Mitchell
Karen@karenmitchell.com

Dear Dismayed Senior Citizen,
Let me say first I have heard your question from others in my congregation, from those in the community, and in my own spiritual journey. It is a time of great turmoil and it can cause us anxiety because the future seems uncertain, and we are asking many questions about what direction our country and our world is taking.
So, what to do? I received a watch for Christmas and I am still learning what it does, but one thing it reminds me to do is to breathe. Now that seems silly, of course; we breathe, we are alive, after all. But as I take time to breathe, I see myself letting go some of the tension and anxiety I have built up from facing the world. So I would encourage us to breathe, take a break several times a day and breathe deeply.
Second, in the church we start the 40 days of preparation for Easter this Wednesday as we observe the start of Lent with Ash Wednesday. These 40 days are a great opportunity to start a new spiritual discipline or practice. I believe this is important because in these uncertain times it is important to be rooted in our relationship with God and, depending on who we are, we may come to nurture that relationship in a new way during Lent. Perhaps you have never written in a journal. Try it for 40 days; many people can process their emotions and thoughts by putting pen to paper. Try writing three pages each day, seeing what comes out, seeing what is revealed about your relationship to God. For some, praying is a good practice to take up. I would encourage you to take your questions to God and wait; this is key, wait for an answer. This might mean 10-15 minutes a day, nothing drastic, but just enough time to listen to God in the midst of our lives. Or perhaps you are a person who enjoys music. There are many ways to listen these days, but I would encourage you to spend time listening to live music as well as digital music. Some people fast, once a week, or give up a particular food, or habit. Or some add something they want to do more of, serving others in some way.
By strengthening our connection to God, to the teachings of Jesus, listening for the Spirit to guide us, we are turning our attention to the one who can lead us through the difficult times. You are not alone; be sure to connect to God, to your fellow pilgrims, and together we will find our way through the times that challenge us.
Pastor Steve Marshall
planetarypilgrim@gmail.com

Question:

Our daughter, Jane (not her real name) has been dating a man who is divorced and is paying a huge amount of child support and alimony. As a result of his responsibilities, he leads a frugal existence.
Jane has a well-paying stable job. When they go out, Jane picks up the tab. We’ve asked her why she’s wasting her time on what we consider a no-where relationship and she just says he’s nice, honest and won’t be paying alimony and child support forever. We love our daughter and would love to see her date a person who is her equal. Is there anything we can say to her to take another look at her relationship with this guy?
~ Puzzled Parents

Dear Puzzled Parents,
I can understand your concern for your daughter. My parents, and especially my father, wanted me to be with a man who was not only my equal, but who was in a position to take care of me. But they also raised me to be an independent woman who could take care of herself. It seems you’ve done a very good job yourself raising a self-sufficient daughter, too. And because she can financially support herself, she may not factor money into the relationship equation.
There are many other facets to a relationship beside financial. And it may be your daughter’s decision to go out and foot the bill – against her boyfriend’s wishes – because she wants to treat. I’ve been in your daughter’s shoes and I can tell you that there’s a give-and-take in other areas of the relationship that you may be unaware of.
When I counsel people on relationships, I ask them to look at what qualities and values they’re looking for in a person, along with what kind of life they’re looking to build with someone. Your daughter said he’s “honest and nice,” which are characteristics she admires, and I’m sure there’s more she’s looking for. Without knowing your daughter or what her past relationships were like, it could be that’s she’s settling for less than she wants or is deserving of. Or it could be that she’s sees a loving, caring man to build her life with.
I would encourage you to get to know him. There’s a difference between being frugal and taking advantage of someone. You may find that you’ll come to admire him for taking his responsibilities seriously. Unfortunately, there are many dead-beat dads who don’t.

In the end, it’s your daughter’s life and her decision. Love her, support her and be in her corner. Everyone is on a different path with different spiritual lessons to learn. Trust your daughter’s life is unfolding perfectly and that ultimately she will make the right decision for her highest good.
With Love & Light,
Rev. Dr. Ellen Contente
revellenfaith@gmail.com

Dear Puzzled Parents,
Proverbs 3:5-6 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”
Jane appears to be an adult who has been living her own life. Praying for your daughter, asking God to give her wisdom, and wisdom for yourselves as parents, is a good place to start.
Depending on your relationship and level of communication with Jane, having a private conversation with her can provide you with a working understanding of how to help her, if at all. Having a loving conversation must be based on giving her respect as parents and not trying to control her decisions. Trying to control our adult children’s decisions is possibly the number one way in which parents drive their children away.
A conversation along this line might be helpful, over dinner and not by phone or text.
“Jane, how are things going with ‘Joe?’ … Are you having any concerns about the relationship? Do you mind if we express our thoughts (not your concerns!)?”
If she is open to this type of conversation, then you can carefully address your thoughts about how things we do today sets a precedent in a relationship. And even though “Joe” has child support and alimony to pay, a man should be allowed to work things out and pay for either your meals or share the cost of the meals. This helps maintain a responsible balance in the relationship and provides him the opportunity to show his character for the longevity of the relationship.
If she is not open to this type of conversation, there are additional issues she is facing and you should not try to pressure her to your perspectives (regardless of how right they may seem). Praying for God’s wisdom would be in order at this point. Supporting your daughter – even when you might not agree with her – is a valuable position parents should learn to take for the future of the relationship.
If her response is not favorable, don’t get depressed; life has a way of allowing reality to surface on its own! Be there for her when she is open!
Pastor Terry Neven
thegathering.socal@gmail.com