QUESTION: Although they’ve tried for five years to have their own children, our son and his wife finally decided to adopt. They’re both healthy and together they are financially stable. Yet, the process has become very expensive and there have been several disappointments because of “almost adoptions.” They were told that adopting older children is easier, but they want a newborn.

What can we do to help them stay positive about the process? They really do want to raise a family. We are a church-going family.

~ Almost Grandparents

Dear Almost Grandparents,

I commend you for wanting to help your son and his wife stay positive in the midst of a very disappointing and heart-breaking situation. As parents of adult children, that is one of the most difficult and yet rewarding roles we play. I’m sure you’ve journeyed with them through the infertility phase of this process in the past five years and have been an encouragement to them during those dark times.

Statistics show that one in six couples in America deal with infertility. The challenge for Christian couples goes beyond unmet desires for a baby. Infertility impacts our walk with God, affecting our faith, joy, peace. And in the very same way, spending a lot of money with the hope of adopting a baby and then having hopes crushed can also be incapacitating. The way they process the loss is a matter of personal preference. Some couples jump right back into the waiting pool believing that they will heal best if they keep up hope that they will be a family before long. On the other hand, others take some time for “self-care” after several “almost adoptions.” The key is open communication and understanding of their mate during this time.

Whatever choice they make you can continue to walk alongside them and help them process their feelings. Your positive and faith-filled heart can help them maintain or re-establish their faith that God hasn’t forgotten them.

The good news is that almost every prospective parent who faces such challenges goes on to adopt. Almost universally, these parents say they wound up with the child who was “meant to be” theirs. Together, you can find blogs and articles that can help them with this process. One online resource I found very helpful was the www.adoptivefamilies.com. You might start with this very insightful post: https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-process/surviving-failed-adoption-and-other-bumps/. Remember – nothing takes God by surprise and He said He would never leave us nor forsake us.

Pastor Randy Foster

randy.clc@att.net

Dear Almost Grandparents,

Adopting an infant is a difficult proposition in our society. Even when the child is adopted there can be challenges to the adoption from the biological family of the baby.

Friends of mine went around this difficulty by going to China and adopting an infant from there. Things are more black and white there. Once an adoption has been agreed upon by all involved parties the matter is concluded. It is worth taking stock of the situation in other countries around the world. There must be more favorable conditions in many places these days other than in the United States.

It is an expensive and emotionally taxing experience to adopt an infant. Whatever route chosen, the outcome is not sure and the road is long. Their desire to be able to adopt a newborn as opposed to an older child is understandable; however, it maybe not practical.

Your support of your children and their dreams can only be to stay positive yourselves and be sure to indicate how you look forward to the fulfillment of this dream … all this while doing small things to enhance their daily life now. Have a fun Sunday brunch after church. Make a point of going to inspiring locations on daytrips like to the ocean. Just being at the shore is an emotional pick-me-up to almost everyone. Have you been to any live theater lately? Get some tickets to a play and take them out for the evening or a matinee.

The best outcome for something like this is not always what you want or plan for. Pray for the best outcome and leave that in God’s hands.

May you and your children be blessed on your journey and, in the meantime, add a fun extra to your lives every week!

Rabbi Janet Bieber

jbieber1155@aol.com

QUESTION: I know I’m not the only one who is frustrated with the homeless situation. I’m a senior citizen and I do not remember this being a major problem until the 1980s. I volunteer at a homeless shelter and a soup kitchen. It seems many of the homeless are fed and clothed, but do not have places to live. I’ve prayed and prayed about this, but don’t see any end in sight.

Is God listening? I don’t think I’m the only one who prays about this.

~ Homeless Advocate

Dear Homeless Advocate,

I am inspired that you are someone who cares! Jesus made it a personal priority to serve the poor and needy. He also spoke about it often and, in three different parables, he made it clear that our salvation, in part, depends on how we respond to the poor (The Rich Man & Lazarus, The Good Samaritan, and The Sheep & The Goats).
I do think God is listening to your prayers, but the problem is that many are not listening to Him. God can and does influence our hearts, but we are all given the right to make our own decisions about how we will live. We are meant to be the hands and the feet of Jesus.

I hope you will continue to pray, be a great example and offer your friends and neighbors the opportunity to come and serve with you.
My church partners with Union Station Homeless Services in Pasadena. They make every effort to not just feed the homeless but to provide job training and opportunity to transition to permanent housing. Some of us have volunteered to be mentors for those who are transitioning out of homelessness. I highly recommend and commend their work!

Lastly, I would encourage you not to be discouraged by the overwhelming challenge of the homeless. My last sermon was about this and I called it “One, Not Everyone.” The point is to do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. Jesus said, “The poor will be with you always” (Matthew 26:11) but we can still make a difference.

Please contact me at r.neyland@live.com if I can help you in any way.

Pastor Reese Neyland

r.neyland@live.com

Dear Homeless Advocate,

You are not alone in your desire to see a solution to the homeless issue we face in our community. I applaud and honor what you are doing to help those less fortunate.

Your question of whether “God is listening” is shared by a lot of people. We ask this question about disease, natural disasters and personal challenges. We ask, “Where is God? Why is this happening? If God is loving and benevolent, how can this continue?”

The answer is that God is always listening because God is the Power and Presence that is within all of us. The question to ask is “Are we listening?” Are we – as a society – doing everything we can to heed the call to help others, to solve worldly problems?

According to the tenets of Religious Science, a philosophy steeped in the world’s major religions, God is “no respecter” of persons. While that may sound harsh to some, it is absolutely enlightening! It means that we have the capacity and the opportunity to choose our own experience. Whatever we put our attention to – our thoughts, beliefs and feelings – will ultimately manifest in our life.

Now I know homelessness is not something people “choose” to experience. Eric Butterworth, a Unity minister and author of “Spiritual Economics,” said, “Your personal welfare begins with your consciousness.” And there is a collective consciousness of homelessness in our society. The more we “fight” against it, the more energy we put into it, the more it will continue to exist.

We need to pray “rightly,” putting our attention to the Allness of God, the Abundance of Divine Flow in everyone and knowing that nobody can truly be homeless if they have their faith and belief in the Power and Presence that is within them. We are all individualized expressions of God and we can never be separate from this power, or each other.

Keep doing positive loving actions and hold these words from Mother Teresa in your heart: “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

With Love & Light,

Rev. Ellen Contente

www.revellenfaith.com