Question: I find it really stressful these days to witness so much of the hate and insensitivity being displayed in our country. When I watch the news it just makes me more angry to see how people are treating each other. How can I channel the things in a positive way so I don’t feel so bad every day?

~Angry

Dear Angry,

I want to acknowledge that what is going on in our world today would be anxiety-producing for most of us. In a time when we should be loving our neighbor instead various groups of people are under attack … and that is upsetting to many in our community. It is truly anxiety-producing to witness the level of unkindness being exhibited today.  

I would recommend the following:

1. Limit how much news you watch on television/internet/print. Oftentimes the news is repetitive so it can be overwhelming to watch for hours.  
2. Pray for others. When you get up in the morning and before you go to bed pray for the well being of not only those who are being victimized by hatred and intolerance but also pray for those who are committing these hateful acts and praying that God change their hearts and transform their mind so that we understand that we are all God’s children to be valued and respected. 
3. Find a project or join a group that focuses on helping your neighbor in your local community, particularly with people you feel that are being targeted unjustly; perhaps participate in a peaceful protest or provide support and friendship to those from targeted community and making people feel welcomed when they’re under attack. This is an absolute necessity and goes a long way to show people love and compassion during  these difficult times. 

I hope these suggestions will help to reduce the anxiety or at least manage this anxiety in a way in which you can better function and play an important role in the healing of our communities. Perhaps that is where the spirit is leading you.  

Blessings, 

Father Guy Leemhuis
St. Luke’s of the Mountains

Reprinted from March 2017

Question: We’ve been married five years and, after four miscarriages, my husband and I have decided to adopt. Interestingly enough, had we successfully had our own child we would have had to accept the gender of that child. Now my husband is saying he only wants to adopt a boy and he has to be a newborn because he has heard horror stories of adopting older children. I just want to be a mom and complete our family with one, two or even three children. My concern is my husband’s preferences will lengthen the process and I just want to get a child into our home. 

Is there any way I can sway his rigid point of view?

~Frustrated to-be Mom

Dear Frustrated to-be Mom, 

The good folks at the wonderful Crescenta Valley Weekly are pretty sharp. They know somehow that I am exactly the person to deal with this question. My wife and I dealt with similar issues. 

First, let me say how sorry I am about the about those four previous heartbreaks. That’s what they were – heartbreaks. We were told to adopt also. I tell you this so that you don’t think I’m some unfeeling clergyman, making up stuff on the fly for the newspaper. 

Second, let me level with you. I admit the problem before you is very difficult but the principle involved is simple. Sit down and swallow hard. Here it comes: Your passion for being a mommy as soon as possible does not trump your husband’s feelings. You’ve asked me for advice about how to sway his rigid point of view. Wisdom argues for swaying your rigid point of view. Hear me now: Adopting a child is something you must agree on. You cannot, cannot proceed in bringing a new life into your home without being in complete agreement. 

Have you ever been the babysitter of a friend’s bratty kid? The giant gulf between that experience and minding one of your own precious kids is analogous to this. What if one parent feels manipulated and bullied about adoption? That’s a tragedy! Loving husbands will agree to a lot just to make their wives happy. If you get your way, how will you feel later if you see up close the results of an adoption that he only acquiesced to? But then it will be too late. Take this to the bank: Every child deserves and needs an excited daddy. 

Third, have you considered that God may be speaking through your husband’s wishes? Have you considered that he might be right? I don’t know your marriage but if you two disagree, is he automatically wrong? I tell husbands all the time to consider their wives’ feelings. Please consider his. Respect his opinion in this matter. Trust that the God of new life has given you a partner who is able to see things down the road for your good. Ask God for the grace to do a hard thing for the sake of the man that you love. It was for such a time as this that God brought you together. Lean on him now. Trust him. Cry out to God. 

Rev. Jon T. Karn
www.lightonthecorner.org