QUESTION: What if you get along with a person very well except for political preferences? My friend and I know we have different views and just avoid many subjects so our friendship isn’t compromised. Even though it probably is the best thing to do, I feel like a phony. We’re both retired and do many social things together.

Is there a way to discuss political differences without getting angry? I have to add that I avoid political discussions altogether in all of my relationships with family and friends. ~ Evading Wuss

Dear Evading Wuss,

First of all, think of yourself differently, not as an evading wuss but being wise and happy, enjoying your relationships without getting into politics. You are not being a phony.

You are not alone in this dilemma. There have been many stories of family split-ups and great discord over the political arena today. And it really is not worth the chaos. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and their interpretation of what is “right” and “wrong.” There is good in everything. 

In Science of Mind philosophy, we believe there is Divine Order in everything and out of that Divine Order there is Good and there are blessings. For myself, believing this helps me stay out of politics, away from drama in any life circumstances and keeps my energy field free of any added or unnecessary drama with others. It causes fewer arguments where really no one wins. Think of yourself as winning by not stepping into the political game.

And don’t you feel happier? You have healthier, more loving relationships. What is more important? Enjoying your friendships and keeping your opinions to yourself or joining in a battle that you cannot solve or change someone else’s opinions about the subject?

When I taught children’s church, I would tell my kids to use their ears when someone said something hurtful to them … let it go in one ear and out the other. I use this now if I hear any heavy discussions about politics. Not to say I’m ignoring it; I’m just letting what’s said not become attached to me if I don’t agree. Still, it doesn’t hurt to listen to others and sort through the possibilities of their “facts” so you can discern for yourself how you want to believe.

Yay for choice in our lives! You can choose to allow yourself to be free of any reactions that you many not agree with. You can choose to listen with an open mind. You can choose to love your relationships for what they really are – God in expression, not just the ego and personality. You can choose to absolutely love yourSelf and feel proud that you are making a wise choice to just step back and observe, not engage in politics, and just enjoy your friendships and love people for their true spiritual self and their personalities, without playing the game of politics. 

Choose love above all in any situation. That is the winning factor.

Take a breath, love yourSelf and enjoy your time with each other.

Many Blessings,

Laney Clevenger White

Religious Science Practitioner

laneycl@ca.rr.com

Dear Evading Wuss,

In the current political environment with such heightened emotions it is difficult to calmly speak about certain viewpoints or issues when you hold a differing opinion than your friends or family. As I often tell my congregation, relationship is always more valuable than winning an argument. Once the relationship is over the conversation is likewise over. There are many ways to remain truthful to yourself and, at the same time, preserve the relationship. At times it seems we feel pushed in a corner and need to blurt out our stance or risk being a coward. Nothing could be further from the truth! It is wisdom that allows us to know when to speak and when to hold our tongues.

While the Apostle Paul tells us to “speak the truth in love,” Jesus tells us to be as “wise as serpents and as harmless as doves.” It is not so much what you say but how and when you say it that can make the difference. When we act in love people know that we care about them and they are more likely to listen to what we have to say.

I find that when it is the appropriate time, i.e. they seem more open, I will ask questions and listen intently to their perspective. I look for areas of common agreement before expressing my thoughts on our differences.

Remembering what Apostle James wrote, “Be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to anger,” I attempt to reason with them and avoid the potential landmines of our conversation until we have explored the foundational beliefs that support each viewpoint. Jesus would often answer a question with a question in an effort to help others understand their own stance in the light of his truth. I have found in counseling it is easier to lead a person to a truth by asking them questions rather than to simply state the answer. If you ask the right questions you allow them to explore the issue for themselves and hopefully arrive at the right conclusion. 

In this current heated political climate wouldn’t it be nice if we all learned to hear each other and exchange differing viewpoints without attacking one another? As it is written in Isaiah, “Come now, let us reason together.” In this way we can build stronger relationships and a better community.

Pastor David Richardson

david@firepointchurch.com

QUESTION: Before I get into my problem, I want to say I’ve had a good life. I’m 86 and was recently diagnosed with an incurable disease. My husband passed away six years ago. We were married for almost 45 years and raised four beautiful daughters. Fortunately, I have the financial means to have everything taken care of right until I leave this life behind. Those arrangements include home care and financial arrangements.

I’m having problems telling my daughters. One part of me wants to tell them and the other part doesn’t. Reason tells me to tell them and have some good times together with them and their families before I become too ill to do anything. Please help me decide what to do. ~Indecisive Mom

Dear Indecisive Mom,

You aren’t alone in not wanting to talk about death, particularly your own. This is a very difficult subject for most people. Let me first commend you for having lived such a fulfilling life and raising four wonderful daughters! And now it might be the time to have an equally fulfilling death! This means different things to different people.

You seem to want to tell your daughters. Both my parents were in denial right up to their last breath. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but I didn’t get the opportunity to ask. You might start by telling the daughter you are closest to first to see what she thinks, or you could call a family meeting. Whatever you decide, it is your death. But if you decide to open up, I will tell you that this time can be very profound and wonderful. It doesn’t have to be all tears. You can laugh, cry, remember and even make plans for your memorial. You might even tell them things they don’t know about you. Remember that once you are gone they won’t have anyone to ask.

Prayer always helps.

Carolyn Young, LCSW

cjymesalila@gmail.com

Dear Indecisive Mom,

By all means follow your heart on this! You mustn’t think or fear that this knowledge will be an uncomfortable burden upon your daughters or an inconvenience. In reality you’re giving them a gift. You’re giving them the opportunity of not only closure after you leave, but also the opportunity to show you how truly they have valued and cared for you. Believe me, just knowing they had the chance to express to you the value and love they hold you in will be a great comfort to them while they are suffering and coming to terms with the losing you. You will spare them the regret of not having the chance to show you how much you meant to them. In short, you will be giving them a great gift that will allow them to move on more readily after it is all over.

Now this is not to say that this knowledge won’t be challenging or uncomfortable initially. The shock may be unpleasant and disorienting for them. Life-changing and Life-altering information always is that way. But this would only be temporary. In reality, it is an opportunity for great blessings for everyone.

Here’s a little affirmative prayer you can say when you feel challenged: “There are no more blocks or limits to the expression of Love in my life. The Love I have for my family and friends, and the Love they have for me, is open and over-flowing. It is God’s good pleasure that all things end well for me, and that all are blessed. I am showered in goodness, grace and Love, and all is well. And so it is.”

Anthony Kelson, RScP

Center for Spiritual Living – La Crescenta