Question: Our youngest will be entering college in August. He has decided that his subjects will prepare him for a career in astrophysics. His dream job is to be an astronaut. Although we’re supporting him in his goal, we are also telling him that just in case this doesn’t work out it would be a good idea to also prepare an alternative “Plan B.” He is so focused on being an astronaut that he really isn’t paying attention to what we’re trying to tell him.

We don’t want him to be disappointed. The road to being an astronaut requires extensive education, which he says he is willing to do. Please suggest ways we can convince him to have another career in case his dream job doesn’t work out. ~ Protective Parents

Dear Protective Parents,

As a lifelong musician, and single parent, I always had other income sources for times when my music jobs were scarce (like during the COVID lockdown). Yet, I was always committed to living my dream. Because of that commitment, I have sung everywhere from night clubs to concert halls, from radio to films and TV. I worked hard at my passion. No matter what the dream-killers said to me, I kept practicing my craft and am grateful that I never gave up. Although your parental concerns sound reasonable, I feel they are based on the idea that your son will likely fail at his dream because it is “too big.” I wonder if you would have concerns about supporting his career if he studied (without any passion) to be an accountant, lawyer or doctor? Those careers also require extensive levels of education but they are widely accepted as attainable jobs.

Your son says he will do the work, so why do you doubt him? I believe it is a gift from spirit to have great passion for a career, much like having a “calling” to ministry or public service. It’s not about money or prestige. It is an unstoppable force and it usually defies logic. Astrophysics is the future of science, and wouldn’t it be exciting to have a son involved with that? There are no guarantees that he will succeed – or that he will fail. Life is a mystery and an adventure, and not even protective parents like you can see the future.

Remember, it’s not your job to protect him from life, disappointment, heartbreak, pain or joy. Your job is to support him on his journey, whether or not you are afraid he will fail. The great American Civil Rights peace activist Martin Luther King Jr. said, “I have a dream.” He didn’t say, “I have a Plan B, for fear that my dream won’t come true.” His singular focus and peaceful passion for human rights changed the world. Believe in your son, be there for him when he falls (we all fall sometimes) and then lift him up again with your love. It’s his journey now and it’s time to bless him on it.

Rev. Karen Mitchell
revkarenmitchell@gmail.com

Dear Protective Parents,

Your shields have done a great job protecting your children. So much so your youngest is setting off soon on his journey with his heart set on the stars and believed you when you told him he could be anything he wants when he grows up. How exciting! Protective parent to protective parent, I can also appreciate your concern. I have my own adult child in college and her goal is to go straight for her Ph. D. after her bachelor’s. I’ve felt your concern firsthand. One day a very interesting thing happened when talking with her. As I was switching hats (as I often do) from protective parent to supportive parent and joining her in her excitement and in often keeping an open discussion with her, she started speaking of all the different things she could possibly do with her degrees and all the people she would be networking with. Not only did she have a Plan A but now there are plans A, B, and C – and all just as great as the other with a passion for them all.

From my understanding the road to being an astronaut would leave one who is on this chosen path with at the very least a master’s degree and before that a bachelor’s in some very interesting and lucrative fields. Maybe try very enthusiastically talking about the different types of astronauts there are and let that lead into what he plans on doing in between flights. Some are engineers, physicists, biologists, astrologers and probably a few others. I’m sure his accolades, accomplishments and research in his chosen fields will be his Plan B and C getting him to his Plan A. Also I am a believer of the most highest source so if these plans don’t pan out there will always be God’s plan … and you can always trust in that!

Devin Gilliland, Practitioner-in-Training
dgilliland81@gmail.com

Question: I just found out that I have breast cancer. This was quite a shock because I’ve made certain our family has healthy food and we even exercise together. No one in my family has had this, so it doesn’t make sense to me. We have four children ranging in ages from 10 to 18. I’d rather not tell the kids because I don’t want them to worry. My husband thinks we should tell them. What do you think? ~ Dismayed

Dear Dismayed,

First let me say I’m sorry about your diagnosis. You already know this diagnosis is not a death sentence. But it is serious. So be vigilant and go on the offensive, fight for yourself. Begin or renew your relationship with the one who is stronger than cancer.

Second, diet and exercise was never an anti-cancer guarantee.

Third, heredity is also no anti-cancer guarantee. Diseases can just happen regardless of family history or the food we eat or the exercises we do. And I hate that.

Fourth, fighting breast cancer requires that you marshal all your strength. You cannot do that in secrecy. Rally all your family and friends around you for support as you fight this terrible disease. You’ll need them. And they’ll be watching you.

You exercise together; why not pray together? God is the Lord over everything, including breast cancer. If your 18-year-old were diagnosed with cancer, how would you feel if he or she kept it a secret from you? That’s how your children will feel if you do the same. For goodness sake – listen to your husband! He’s right! Approach this family trial as a family.

Rev. Jon T. Karn
pastorjon@lightonthecorner.org

Dear Dismayed,

I believe that openness in a family, especially when a parent is dealing with a physical challenge, is the best policy. Children are very intuitive and, while they may not know exactly what is going on, they know when things aren’t quite right. It would be better to hear about the diagnosis from you and your husband rather than finding out another way, or to be suspicious that something is wrong and not know what’s going on. Speaking to them before your treatment begins might be the best time to approach the subject. Initially, explaining the basics without going into detail will keep the discussion from being too overwhelming. This way they can know what to expect moving forward and it will also give them time to ask whatever questions they may have on their minds. Gradually you can share more once your treatment and healing progresses. At that point you will know more and will be more adjusted to speaking with your children about your physical condition. This is an important time to be honest. Sharing your feelings can create a deeply bonding experience that will greatly strengthen your relationships. Once you open up it will give your children the encouragement to do the same.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this physical challenge. I hear in your request that you’re confused as to “why” the diagnosis happened in the first place. I encourage you not let fear get ahold of your thinking. Faith alleviates fear. Keep your mind on God and trust in the power of prayer to give you the best guidance. I am sure those reading this article will be praying for your quick recovery, just as I am.

Keep the faith!

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com