Question: Our problem is with our next door neighbor (we’ll call Judy) who has chronic depression. We’ve lived side by side for 35 years. Our kids grew up together and we have taken many family outings together. Two years ago, Judy’s husband passed away from a heart attack and, since then, she doesn’t want to do anything. Her kids have talked to her and so have we. Judy is such a good friend that we’re sticking with her “through thick and thin.”

She is against taking medication so that’s off the table. She is seeing a psychologist. She will, once in a while, come and have dinner with us although we’ve made it clear she’s always invited to eat with us at any meal.

We’re sad for her and feel helpless. She doesn’t complain nor make conversations all about her. Is there anyway to help her get to the other side of this depression? Suggestions are most welcome. ~ Love Our Neighbor

Dear Love Our Neighbor,

Saint John of the Cross talks about the “dark night of the soul.” I think that is the perfect description of the depression that arises from a sense of loss and disappointment in life. For those who go through it, it is always a solitary journey – and not an easy one. But sometimes the self-imposed solitude is an important part of the cure as one works through those issues in order to come out to the other side. The healing has its own timetable. Nonetheless, the continuing support of you, her family and psychologist is so critically important to an eventual hoped-for and happy outcome. Although she may not always take advantage of your kindness, do not doubt for a moment how very important it is for her to know that someone like you, who cares, is there for her. So God bless you for the goodness you are showing her. It is sustaining her in ways you may never know. I would only add that when someone is fighting their inner demons all day (and unless she wants to talk about it with you) never underestimate the very precious gift of being around and observing someone leading what we would call a “normal” life free of drama, trauma, stress or strain. When she comes to you for that, it is the restorative refreshment she truly needs from you … even if you feel you should be doing more.

But that is but one practical way of handling this and I understand your desire to do more. So bear with me; we have a lot to pack into a nutshell. We are now talking about a spiritual way of helping her. Let us begin with a quote by Dr. Ernest Holmes, who wrote the “Science of Mind.” It is the key and foundation for what we are to do. Dr. Homes said, “There is a mental atmosphere (consciousness) all around us. It is Mind and it is Intelligence. It knows, feels, hears, sees, and understands everything. It is Universal. That is, it is ever present. It is always where we are. It is receptive. That is, it receives our thought. It has power to do anything, to produce anything, to create anything.”

In short, because we arose from this power we are all equally a part of it, and we can all use it to do good for either ourselves or another. So the question is, “How do we use it, and how can you use it to help your friend?” The simple answer is this power (that can do anything) is concentrated, moved, directed and channeled through our thought as expressed through our word. This power is sustained in its actions to accomplish anything by our “unquestioned belief” in its ability to fully accomplish what we declare. Only our own inner doubts or fears can diminish and render it ineffective. One of the simplest ways to use and direct this power is through affirmative prayer.

Now affirmative prayer is not a begging prayer but a commanding prayer. Moses did not beg the Red Sea to part. He commanded it. Jesus did not beg for the water to become wine. He commanded it. Likewise, we should follow their example. Here is a simple affirmative prayer to repeat for your friend. Say it daily, and whenever you feel concern for her and watch the miracle unfold.

“I know that my friend Judy is divinely blessed, supported, healed and cared for by God. The presence and power of God surrounds her with goodness, perfect peace of mind, healing and happiness. In every way and every day, she is getting and feeling better. Her life is returning to her in full and marvelous ways. She sees new hope and new possibilities for herself, and is excited and grateful for all the good that lies before her. And so it is.”

Anthony Kelson, RScP
anthony@apkelson.com

Dear Love Our Neighbor,

My condolences on the loss of your longtime next door neighbor and friend. It is kind of you to be concerned about his widow. Everyone’s grief is different; some take longer than others. While two years seems a long time before resuming regular activities, these past two years are unique in our lifetimes. There have been extraordinary measures to curb the COVID-19 pandemic that disrupted many lives. Much has been put on hold. Processing the loss of her spouse may also be delayed. Did your neighbor have the personal face-to-face contact of a traditional funeral or celebration of life, complete with many hugs?

Lack of a ritual usually practiced may be preying on her mind and making her unable to move forward.

Her psychologist is the appropriate person with whom she should discuss anti-depressant medication. You can point out that prescription and street drugs are very different.

I think it’s good for you to continue to offer her meals and companionship. Perhaps you can invite her to join in some activities, like seeing a movie or play. Does she like attending sports events or concerts? How about helping a non-profit together? One way to not dwell on sorrow is to be busy. Physical activity is important for well-being; maybe you take walks around the neighborhood to admire what’s flowering. Many things are blooming despite our “May Gray” weather.

You could plant a tree to honor your neighbor and let her know of the memorial. Tree dedications are available from Tree People, https://www.treepeople.org/tree-dedications/. My husband and I donate memorial trees for departed loved ones via Glendale Beautiful’s Arbor Day program each April. It gives us comfort when we drive by a park and see them thriving.

I hope you can be patient and find the right balance of comfort and encouragement.

Question: I have the opportunity to travel with friends to Hong Kong. My husband passed away a year ago from COVID and, since it appears that it’s safer to travel now, I decided to tell them I will go. I’m thinking a trip will get me out of the doldrums and give me something to look forward to and enjoy.

My adult kids are pitching a fit. One of them reminded me that COVID originated in the Far East and I’m just asking for trouble. I still plan on going.

Is there anything I can tell them to put their minds at ease? ~ Going Anyway

Dear Going Anyway, 

Did you know that our state department has pulled all non-essential personnel out of Hong Kong as of April 11, 2022? Did you know that you and all travelers will be made to quarantine in their hotel rooms for 14 days? If you are found to be COVID positive, you could be moved to a location of their choice that may not have the kind of accommodations that you would prefer. 

Here is the travel advisory that the state issued on April 25, 2022 at “travel.state.gov.” (That is the website where you can look up all the information on the Internet yourself and get the full story.                 

“Travel advisory: Reconsider travel to the People’s Republic of China (PRC) due to arbitrary enforcement of local laws and COVID-19-related restrictions. Do not travel to the PRC’s Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (SAR), Jilin province, and Shanghai municipality due to COVID-19-related restrictions, including the risk of parents and children being separated. Reconsider travel to the PRC’s Hong Kong SAR due to arbitrary enforcement of local laws. If you decide to travel to the PRC, including the Hong Kong SAR: * Read the Department of State’s COVID-19 page before planning any international travel, read the Embassy COVID-19 page (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/covid-19-travel-information.html) and (https://china.usembassy-china.org.cn/covid-19-information/?_ga=2.120372872.167054240.1647399637-1564366313.1646718901) for the PRC and the Consulate General COVID-19 page (https://hk.usconsulate.gov/u-s-citizen-services/covid-19-information/) for the Hong Kong SAR for country-specific COVID-19 information.

* For the Hong Kong SAR, monitor local media, local transportations sites and apps like MTR Mobile or Citybus NWFB (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/hong-kong-travel-advisory.html#ExternalPopup) and the Hong Kong International Airport website (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/hong-kong-travel-advisory.html#ExternalPopup) for updates.

* Avoid the areas of the demonstrations.

* Exercise caution if you are in the vicinity of large gatherings or protests.

* Avoid taking photographs of protesters or police without permission.

* Be aware of your surroundings.

* Keep a low profile.

* For the Hong Kong SAR, review your Hong Kong flight status with your airline or at the Hong Kong International Airport website. (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/hong-kong-travel-advisory.html#ExternalPopup)

* Enter the PRC on your U.S. passport with a valid PRC visa and keep it with you.

* If you are arrested or detained, ask police or prison officials to notify the U.S. Embassy or the nearest consulate immediately.

* Enroll in the Smart Traveler Enrollment Program (STEP) (https://step.state.gov/step/) to receive alerts and make it easier to locate you in an emergency.

* Follow the Department of State on Facebook and Twitter (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/hong-kong-travel-advisory.html#ExternalPopup). Follow the U.S. Embassy on Twitter, WeChat (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/hong-kong-travel-advisory.html#ExternalPopup (https://china.usembassy-china.org.cn/social-media/wechat/), and Weibo. Follow U.S. Consulate General Hong Kong on Facebook (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/hong-kong-travel-advisory.html#ExternalPopup and Twitter.

* Review the Country Security Report (https://www.osac.gov/Content/Browse/Report?subContentTypes=Country%20Security%20Report) for the PRC and the Hong Kong SAR.

* Prepare a contingency plan for emergency situations. Review the Traveler’s Checklist (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/before-you-go/travelers-checklist.html).

Number one is that you will be quarantined in your room for 14 days.  That doesn’t sound like any kind of a vacation to me. Here is my advice as to if you should go to Hong Kong: Do Not Go At This Time! Find a lovely alternate destination with your friends and go with God. 

Rabbi Janet Bieber
jbieber1155@aol.com

Dear Going Anyway,

I’m trying to put myself in the shoes of your kids. I suspect I’d pitch a fit too if my father passed away from the Wuhan Virus only a year ago and then Mom wanted to go to Asia. On the other hand, it’s good to get Mom out of the doldrums. On the other hand, the virus did originate in Asia. On the other hand, it’s good to give Mom something to look forward and enjoy. On the other hand, there was a surge of virus cases in Hong Kong a few months ago. On the other hand, now cases are plummeting and Hong Kong is opening up and thankfully enjoying more freedoms. You’ll probably be just fine.

In truth, let’s face it: There is nothing you can tell your kids to make them happy about your trip. In answer to my prayers, God has loosened the strangle hold this virus has had on the world and He hasn’t done it through human genius or mankind’s superior scientific knowledge. He has done it on His terms. The virus has continued to morph into something more contagious and less lethal. Both of these are good things. More people now, millions worldwide, have contracted and beaten a virus that is more common and with less symptoms. That means more and more people are immune. The virus is losing places to go. We had hoped that the vaccine would be a magic bullet to COVID. It was not. But, by God’s grace, the new COVID is proving to be significantly different than the old COVID. Which reminds me: Who is the final arbiter when it comes to things like health and disease and life and death? Scientists? Doctors? Fauci? The TV? Or is it God Almighty who decides your fate and length of your days?

And haven’t we always, for our whole lives, enjoyed life and raised our families under the specter of risk? Including medical risk? Isn’t that part of life on this beautiful but dangerous planet?

You are going anyway. I applaud your robust spirit. Good for you! As I said, I suspect you’ll be fine. Nevertheless, if it were me I’d probably go to Banff, or Jerusalem or the Swiss Alps.

Rev. Jon Karn
pastorjon@lightonthecorner.org