Question: What’s to be done with people who try to impose their way of thinking on those who would rather not have to listen to the hype? A co-worker is a vegan and is constantly talking about the benefits of a plant-based diet. Other co-workers are as annoyed as I am by this person who seems to be on a mission to change others’ diets. Other than this, she is a good at her job, good with customers, is reliable and responsible. Most of the time we politely listen to her; perhaps that’s the reason she keeps talking about a subject we have little or no interest in.

Is there a way to stop this intrusion and still let her know we value her as a co-worker? ~ Not a Vegan

Dear Not a Vegan,

While I personally have tried to cut back on beef and pork, I certainly understand your frustration at your co-worker’s apparent mission to “convert” you to veganism. My wise-guy response would be to call her, “Megan the Vegan” every time she starts into her spiel. My wife is a little more sensible than I and she suggests this: Have your boss invite Megan the Vegan (sorry! I just can’t stop!) into his/her office and very gently tell her that she’s a good worker and a good employee but she should stop trying to proselytize others to her point of view. In fact, she has already made her point and the rest of the staff wishes not to hear it again and again.

I hope that gets to the meat of the issue!

The Rev. C. L. “Skip” Lindeman
lindemanskip@yahoo.com

Dear Not a Vegan,

I have thought about this dilemma a lot. It seems to come up more and more nowadays.

There are many reasons someone turns vegan. And there are many reasons why someone doesn’t turn vegan. Our feelings about nutrition, food sources, etc. are all different. Just because something feels right to one person doesn’t mean it’s right for another.

Now I am happy that vegans have found the right solutions for themselves; however, their solution might not be right for me. Being told once or twice about the benefits of a vegan diet is fine. After that, being told that their way is the only “right” way gets tiring.

It is normal that anytime we find something that works for us, and is successful in our own lives, we want to share our excitement with others. We feel as though our new path is so wonderful it will help everyone if they would just try it. People who do this don’t realize that insisting, and repeatedly bringing up, what they think will help someone else is actually control under the guise of being helpful.

We cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves.

Bring God into the situation. Remember God is love. God’s presence in your life means you have the ability to hear what someone is saying and to respond with words that reflect kindness and understanding on your part. This is a wonderful chance to step back and let God do the heavy lifting.

Have a discussion with your co-worker and encourage them to keep doing what feels right for their body while reminding them that what you do, for your body, feels right to you. Then invite them to step away from any further food discussions with you. Let them know the constant scrutiny is driving you apart and you really want to keep them as a valued co-worker: “Let’s agree to disagree.”

Breathe and channel God’s love to light up the situation. Not sliding into the rabbit hole by stepping back means both sides win. Trust God. Know Divine Spirit is with you. You are a vessel for God’s goodness. You can do this.

In love & light,

Michelle Gillette
mgillette24@aol.com

Question: We’re in our 60s and have raised three wonderful children who are now married with their own families. A few Sundays ago, our pastor asked if anyone was interested in hosting a family from Ukraine. After looking through the list of families, we found one family who has two pre-teen children. We have a large home with three bedrooms available. The family is Christian and they also speak English. We excitedly told our children about our plans and two of the three are totally against it. We just plain don’t understand. They all live locally, so staying with us has not been necessary. We raised them Christian so not being willing to help other humans baffles us.

We do have several meetings with the family until they decide they like us and vice versa. We’re going to go ahead and adopt a family but we don’t want to upset our otherwise happy family. We’re beginning to have our doubts. Are we doing the right thing? ~ Perplexed Parents

Dear Perplexed Parents.

You are to be commended for your generosity. All of us are blessed to be brought up in a country that advocates freedom as one of our most valuable assets. Christianity has taught us the value in helping the deprived and helpless. It is clear that those who practice this belief will have a high place in heaven.

The benefits these two pre-teen children will acquire from your kindness will most certainly last their lifetime.

As for your children, they have nothing to gain or lose from your compassion to help someone in need. They should thank God for the wonderful and charitable parents they have who are willing to make a meaningful contribution to God’s children. The day may come when your children will praise you to your grandchildren for living up to the religious tradition they were taught in their youth. God is certainly on your side! Love and kindness are most certainly among our greatest possessions.

God bless you.

Dear Perplexed Parents,

Whenever we don’t follow our heart we travel off the path that we’re meant to follow. I applaud you and your husband for following yours. I am sure the two of your three children who disagree with you have their reasons, and they are following their hearts as well. It’s when we start to tell others they must follow what our heart says rather than following their own that we get into moral tussles. It’s just as Christian to say yes to sponsoring a family as it is to say no – as long as you’re being true to your own guidance.

You don’t need to convince your children – they have established their own way of life and living. You don’t make decisions regarding their family procedures and it’s best they don’t make them for you. They aren’t un-Christian or unloving because they don’t want you to sponsor a family. They probably feel they are showing loving kindness by being protective of the both of you while showing cautious skepticism of the unknown.

It sounds like you’re aware that compatibility is a key component to establishing a good relationship with the Ukrainian family. When you meet in advance the family you’re to sponsor, it would be a good idea to include your kids. That’s one way to relieve their concern and perhaps even open their minds to seeing the good in the sponsorship. If not, it’s time to agree to disagree.

There are also some essential questions to consider and prepare for before you make your final decision. The timeline is important and I didn’t see that detail mentioned. How long will the family be living in your home? Preparing for a month’s stay with guests is much different than preparing for a year’s stay. Is their stay open-ended or will you have a term end time established? Will you be financially supporting them? If so, do you have a definite plan as to how long you can support a family of four as well as yourselves? Will they only be living with you until they get acclimated to the U.S. and secure jobs? If so, will they be contributing money towards their cost of living while in your home? Will you be providing a vehicle with insurance?

Those are some of the practical issues to think about in order to create a harmonious relationship. As for the spiritual issues – only you and your husband will know if this is right for you. Pray for guidance for divine right action and know that it will be revealed to you once your meet the family. You will know what to do, just as you have in other situations you have faced.

Whichever decision you make, trust that prayer will lead you to find the best solution for you, your husband and your family.

In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com