Question: I am an Army veteran. I was in Vietnam and two of my friends lost their lives in that conflict. I am really angry about recent sports figures not honoring our country. The most recent was the U.S. women’s soccer team. Some sang our national anthem, but many did not. Those who did not had their fists behind their backs. This might seem hard-nosed, but my position is love it or leave it. I understand free speech, but this is getting out of hand.

My father was in the Army and as a kid our family lived in several countries all over the world. Many of those countries did not have the freedoms we do. I really don’t know how to reframe my opinion. What do you think? ~ Love the USA

Dear Love the USA,

First, thank you for your service. As a fellow VFW veteran I can relate to the anguish you must have experienced while servicing in Vietnam. It’s impossible to imagine what it would be like to lose two friends in combat.

You have every right to be infuriated over the disrespect our athlete’s demonstrated for a country that offers them so much! It’s difficult to understand this behavior other than they obviously need psychiatric help. For sure they need lots of prayers! Recognition is one of the greatest needs for all humans and people will seek it by either being good or bad. When one is insecure there is no saying how they will behave.

It’s obvious you have a tremendous love for our country and I would suggest you ask God to give you strength and courage to not let this contempt they demonstrate affect you. By allowing them to irritate you, you made their day by letting it affect you. We just cannot allow people like this control us! You have much to be proud of; enjoy it.

God bless you for caring!

Andy Gero, VFW Chaplain
ajgero46@gmail.com

Dear Love the USA,

We must be around the same age; the Vietnam War or, as it is called there, the American War, also shaped my life. First, thank you for your service. I appreciate you doing your civic duty. Although it’s been roughly 50 years, that war is sill controversial. It spanned 20 years from the mid ’50s to the mid ’70s. The National Archives document 58,220 U.S. military deaths and their names are on a wall in Washington, D.C. A high school classmate of mine is among them.

Wikipedia estimates the grand total of military and civilian deaths in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia to be between 1,450,000 and 3,595,000. Agent Orange was responsible for many of those deaths and is still killing descendants of Southeast Asian civilians and foreign military personnel three and four generations later. VA care for wounded and PTSD-suffering veterans is notoriously poor. Homelessness is famously high for veterans, especially for those from the Vietnam era as they age. There is much to be angry about.

You ask how to reframe your opinion. That’s a great idea; anger often turns inward and increases pain. I suggest you consider the issue from other viewpoints and try to let go of the anger.

Members of professional sports teams who kneel, show a clenched fist or fail to sing are protesting the systemic racism that prevents all Americans from full participation in society. “The Star-Spangled Banner” was written about the War of 1812 and most present day Americans know only the first verse. The third verse includes “No refuge could save the hireling and slave” referring to the escaped, formerly enslaved people who were fighting alongside the British. Francis Scott Key and other enslavers also wanted to stop the British from helping indigenous groups who were resisting settler expansion.

Perhaps studying more about this era can help you see why some descendants of formerly enslaved people and those with indigenous background do not want to celebrate their ancestors’ exploitation. I don’t think war should be associated with sports in the first place. War is not a game.

One key thing is to separate the warrior and the war; enlistees and especially those drafted into Vietnam did not make policy. Then and now, the protests are directed at government actions. U.S. involvement in Vietnam started with support of the French colonial powers in their efforts to keep the area under European rule. Ironically the U.S. was on the exploiting colonial side in Vietnam. Consider that people protesting government actions are exercising the very rights many military personnel signed up to protect. In essence protest honors the troops.

The U.S. left many land mines and other unexploded ordinance (UXO) when they had to abandon Saigon in 1975. Innocent civilians are still dying today from what was left behind. Groups such as PeaceTrees Vietnam and Veterans for Peace work to remove UXO and restore the land. They also provide care for Agent Orange and UXO victims. Some veterans are finding peace in atonement for their participation in the destruction.

Your mention of the old slogan “Love It or Leave It” reminds me of the response “Change It or Lose It” … and you have the power to change.

I hope you are able to find your peace,

Sharon Weisman
sharon@jetcafe.org

Question: I have a granddaughter who I love dearly. She is about 75 pounds overweight. I was very overweight as well and decided to do something about it. Two years ago, I began working with a trainer and a dietitian. After a year, I had dropped 90 pounds and have kept them off. I continue to eat healthy foods and exercise. I’ve offered these services to my granddaughter telling her I would pay for them. She said she doesn’t want to work that hard. I’m concerned about her health because she has hypertension. ~ Worried Grandmother

Dear Worried Grandmother,

It is quite clear you do love your granddaughter. Anytime we seek to raise up someone and free them from the same suffering we have experienced by sharing, giving or offering the solution we found that liberated us – that is a pure act of love and compassion for another human being. You have been there, done that and stepped out of it to something better for yourself. I can appreciate your frustration and disappointment when you offered such a gift, that it was not accepted or maybe not even appreciated, especially when it would be so helpful and needed for someone you deeply care about.

Sometimes people are just not ready to accept such a gift for whatever reason. In time that may change. But even if it should not, we must accept and respect another’s right to make a choice for themselves, even if they may not have a desire for the change we hope for, and even if their reasoning for not changing seems flawed in light of the facts.

You made your best case to your granddaughter and she passed. That is her right, as hard as it may be to graciously accept. But I wouldn’t despair. In my opinion, you actually opened a door for her to goodness and health. It is like planting a seed. When we plant a flower seed, it doesn’t immediately blossom. It takes its own time and sometimes the flower may look a little different than what we expected. The same is true with us. Sometimes we need to grow into the realization of our good. That doesn’t mean it will never happen. Healing can take many forms besides what you offered. What may have worked for you doesn’t mean there are not other solutions that will resonate with her and result in the healing and good health you desire for your granddaughter. It is all a matter of patience and faith.

In other words, it is having patience without fear. To roughly paraphrase St. Paul, we can either lead a life of faith or fear. Too many of us lead lives of fear, especially imaginary fears. A life of faith is a life where we choose to believe in our good, that we can and will have our good (whatever we choose that to be) or that things will end in goodness (either for ourselves or others we care about) … no matter our numerous fears to the contrary.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 8:13 that whatever we believe (be it good or bad) is what we will get. It is done unto us we believe. So getting back to Saint Paul, let us choose to lead a life of faith – that is, a firm belief and conviction in the triumph of the good occurring in your granddaughter’s life. In other words, believe in the good and not in the fear.

So how do we do this? The answer quite simply is prayer. Prayer is the act of faith. Affirmative prayer (not the begging kind of prayer we think of and often say) is the statement of faith. It is the water and the warmth needed for the seed of goodness to grow. You have planted the seed. Now you only need to nourish that belief within yourself that your granddaughter will find her right healing. All of this is done within you, and only within you. As Ernest Holmes (author of the “Science of Mind”) once said, any changes outside of us begins within us, even when that involves another.

Here is an affirmative prayer of faith you can say for your granddaughter’s healing. Repeat it daily and especially when you feel challenged by your own fear thoughts. As a little aside, pay no attention to such fear thoughts. They are like undisciplined teenagers running amok in our heads. Close your inner door to them, and make your statement of faith: My granddaughter is perfectly guided, healed and protected by the hand of God. He always leads her to her perfect good, which is one of health, wellness, wholeness and an abundant, happy and fulfilling life. I give thanks for this miracle with deep and profound gratitude, and I rejoice and delight in it. And so it is. Amen.

Anthony Kelson, RScP
penworth3@yahoo.com

Dear Worried Grandmother,

You do not mention the age of your granddaughter, so I’m responding to a young granddaughter’s frame of mind.

First of all, I would suggest that she have a physical to see if there are any underlying conditions that would cause extra weight. And maybe there is some depression involved that causes a lack of motivation. There could be a reason for her hypertension, too.

After that, I would have a good heart-to-heart discussion with her about her feelings. There are a lot of emotions involved when someone is overweight, particularly having to do with self-esteem. And when people already don’t feel okay about themselves, it becomes a vicious cycle of low self-esteem, shame, not good enough, peer pressure. It’s a challenging place to be in, particularly for a young girl trying to find out who she is and how she fits in. Those emotions carry into our adulthood until they are addressed. So it’s best to speak from your heart about your concerns in a loving manner that is supportive and understanding and encouraging her to make good decisions.

Think about yourself and your weight loss journey, how long it took you to go to a trainer and change your eating habits. Reinforce in her that she is okay – perfect – just the way she is and the way she is not, and that you have faith in her ability to make right decisions for her health and that you are there to support her along her journey … because you love her and care about her.

Perhaps if she came with you to your own training and saw what was involved, she might be more amenable to join you or to participate. A good trainer knows how to handle dealing with weight loss from an emotional standpoint and could be encouraging to her.

Also taking up some physical activity that she might enjoy could help her. I’ve read that being with horses and riding is wonderful for young girls. Maybe explore those kinds of options rather than training. Ask her what she likes to do for fun and support her in that.

Patience, love and understanding can go a long way in helping your granddaughter. She is fortunate to have someone who cares and wants to help.

I wish you both well.

Blessings,

Laney Clevenger White, RScP Emeritus
laneycl@ca.rr.com