Question: My neighbor and I are widows. We each have two adult children. Almost every evening we have dinner together, either at my home or hers. We watch a little television or discuss books we have been reading. Last evening, I found her in tears. She hadn’t heard from her children in about six weeks even though she has left messages for them. She’s asking herself what she did to offend them. I told her nothing – they’re just busy with their jobs and kids. Although my kids are great about staying in touch and so are my grandchildren, I wasn’t about to mention that in the moment.

About the only times she sees her family are holidays and some birthdays. Please remind adult children that older parents get lonely. Life is shorter than most people realize and one day, inattentive adult children may be visiting a gravesite. ~ Sad Neighbor

Dear Sad Neighbor,

This is a heartbreaking story. Sadly, as you point out, it is common to others as well. Thank you for being such a blessing and good friend to your neighbor. I have no doubt that your kindness, loyalty, attention and support are a great comfort and strength to her. In your own way, you are doing God’s important work in her life just by being such a loving and caring human being.

The question is how to deal with and resolve this particular situation. How can it be changed for the better and the good of all involved? It sounds as if a talk with her children about how they are affecting their mother may not be possible, and maybe doubtful in some minds, if it would have any result. It doesn’t matter. We don’t even need to go that route. Why is this so?

Ernest Holmes, founder of the Science of Mind, tells us that if we wish to change anything outside of us, we merely need to change what is inside of us. To change the outside, we change the inside. We change the mind, how we think about it, believe about it and even feel about it … because what we think is what we get. Life mirrors back to us what we think/imagine/feel into it.

But Ernest Holmes was not the only one who saw the truth of this. Saint Paul tells us in Roman12:2: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Both of them are merely underscoring a truth that Jesus taught – namely, it is done unto you as you believe (Matthew 8:13). To put it another way, it is done unto you as you think.

So how do we use this knowledge to benefit your friend?

The answer is affirmative prayer. Affirmative prayer is not a begging prayer. Affirmative prayer is a commanding prayer. Moses didn’t beg for the waters to be parted. He commanded it. Jesus didn’t beg for the dead to rise. He commanded it. Jesus didn’t plead for the lame to walk. He commanded it. By what authority did both of them do this? As Isaiah pointed out in Isaiah 45:11, God tells us concerning the good work of his hands we wish to see, you command. You tell me and I will do it. In like manner, we will use affirmative prayer to command a manifestation of divine good for your friend.

This is an affirmative prayer you can say on behalf of your friend. You can say it daily or when you think about her situation or whenever you see her challenged with sadness. Affirmative prayer works miracles.

“My friend is completely and fully loved and cherished by both family and friends. She is supported by a loving and caring family that actively involves her in their lives. There is a perfect healing in their relationship where each sees the value of the other, and there is a renewed and wonderful intimacy among them that is lasting and fulfilling for each party involved. And so it is. Amen.”

Anthony Kelson, RScP
anthony@apkelson.com

Dear Sad Neighbor,

You are kind to worry about your neighbor and gave her good advice. She shouldn’t assume she offended her children, it’s much more likely they’re overwhelmed with daily life during a pandemic. Jobs and child rearing can be difficult anytime and now we have climate change, a rapidly evolving virus, and political upheavals to deal with. I think she is wise to leave messages for her children and hope she can keep the lines of communication open without having too specific expectations about a response.

All families are different; some stay close and others have less frequent contact. Those dynamics usually change over time as circumstances change. Grandchildren may choose a college nearer grandparents, teens can benefit from a summer visit without parents, and special events such as graduations, marriages or births often bring together a far-flung family. I think it’s healthy to anticipate such possibilities and meanwhile your neighbor friend can take pleasure in having raised self-sufficient children.

You and your neighbor are lucky to have each other to share evening meals. Perhaps enlarging your contacts a bit with other friends and neighbors, particularly other generations, would create outlets for mothering moments. There may be someone missing their mom and needing a sympathetic, experienced ear near by. She can possibly overcome her own sadness by easing someone else’s.

I echo your plea to adult children to check in on their parents as well as any family members living alone. Those caring for disabled or memory impaired family members may be in need of some other contact, too. It’s also a possibility there are neighbors without family or a friends to dine with who will notice their tears. We can all keep an eye out for anyone who might enjoy a call or visit. Kindness can multiply.

Question: Before our children, ages 8 and 10, return to school we decided to take a road trip with no destination in mind. Along the way we took photos. We stopped outside a small town in northern California to take photos and when we got out of the car we heard crying. We found a puppy half submerged in water in a drainage dish. Our thinking was he was dumped there. He certainly couldn’t have gotten there by himself. We drove on into Trinidad to see if someone had lost a puppy, but we didn’t think so. We asked around and no one seemed to know. We wanted to have the puppy checked out by a veterinarian, but there wasn’t one in this small town; however, a man directed us to a nearby town where there was one.

We’re Christians and believe we stopped at the roadside by “divine appointment.” At the same time we are having a difficult time believing this could happen to a puppy. The Bible tells us we have dominion over the animals of the earth and that means taking good care of them. What are your thoughts about taking good care of animals? By the way, we’re keeping the puppy, which will grow our menagerie to three dogs. ~ Animal Lovers

Dear Animal Lovers,

What a wonderful story of adoption! I agree with you; God placed you in the right place at the right time to care for this puppy. One of my fondest memories of childhood is growing up on my grandfather’s farm. We were surrounded by cows and dogs and chickens and cats and, since my grandmother operated the local animal shelter, there were always new visitors joining us.

One of our universal callings as humans is to care for creation, to love it and nurture it. Unfortunately, I have heard teaching that concludes “dominion over” means that creation and creatures are simply disposable resources to be used then discarded when inconvenient. However, the proper understanding is not the rule of a tyrant, but the rule of a parent, one of self-giving love and compassionate nurture.

Jesus taught that God provides for creatures as common as sparrows, and clothes the lilies with splendor befitting kings. He concludes that, if God’s love for creation is abundant, then just imagine how abundant God’s love for humanity is! And if we, as people of faith, commit to follow God in all of God’s ways, we should practice that same abundant care.

Sadly, we limit the idea of Christian practices to singing hymns, praying prayers, and reading our Bible. What if we were to recover spiritual disciplines like playing with our puppies, conserving energy usage, or hiking along the trails in the mountains? What if we started a garden as an act of devotion or, like you showed, adopted a forsaken pet? I think we might have a better appreciation of how God has gifted every good thing under heaven to us.

I hope that your experience and especially your children’s experience is that each of us is capable of standing against the callous abandonment of God’s creatures. We do this best when we respond in love, in welcome, in adoption.

And I hope you continue to see how this little pup is a gift to you and that it brings happiness to your family.

Rev. Kyle Sears
kylesears@lacanadachurch.org

Dear Animal Lovers,

How great that you got to take a road trip with your family. Family vacations are great opportunities to make good memories together and establish all as a cohesive group providing foundation for lifelong connection.

It was definitely “kismet” that you got out to take photos within earshot of the struggling pup. However he arrived in that terrible predicament, I’m sure he was overjoyed to be rescued by your family that he has become a part of.

I am surprised that you have a hard time believing this could happen to a puppy.  There is so much that is wrong in our world. There are people who live their lives without examining their own motives and reflexively hurt others that can’t hurt them back.  We have all been hurt or damaged in some way. We all carry these hurts inside and have the impulse to recycle them to others. I am surprised that you haven’t been aware that all kinds of helpless animals and human beings are not only abandoned out of negligence, cruelty and lack of empathy and caring; countless numbers are hurt or killed for sport or profit or absolute disregard for how our world is made worse by their actions.

I am glad that you have rescued this puppy. All who care and are empathetic rebalance the world by such loving and altruistic acts of kindness. We have a saying in Hebrew that commands us human beings to repair the world in the way that God would: “Letakane Olam Malchut Shaddai.”

This is our work, to make the world better. The more of us that take this seriously, the better our world will be.

May we all learn how to be of service to improving our environment and bring healing wherever we go and whatever we do. Pay attention to the ripples you cause in this world.

“Do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)

Rabbi Janet Bieber
jbieber1155@aol.com