Question: I have an acquaintance who I have lunch with once a month. My challenge is she likes to gossip. I’ve told her many times I don’t need that information and she gets upset. I’ve tried often to steer the conversation away from gossip and she just keeps hammering away at it. I’m thinking I either give up the relationship or find another way of approaching this.

Your guidance is appreciated.
~ No Gossip

Answer: Ernest Holmes, author of the “Science of Mind,” once said that if we wish to change anything unpleasant that is occurring outside of ourselves, we first only need to change it within ourselves. Now – what does that mean?

It simply means this. Life reflects back to us what we think (i.e. imagine, feel and say) into or about it. This is not to suggest you caused your friend’s gossiping. But by believing (thinking) she is a gossip, you are essentially supporting the continuance of that behavior in spite of the change you wish to see and are presently doubtful of seeing. What is required to change this situation is a new way of seeing … and it begins within you. Let me explain.

Several years ago, a young lady in her early 20s came to me seeking a spiritual mind treatment. She had just emigrated to this country from Eastern Europe and, after some difficulty, managed to get her first job, which she needed and was very happy to have. The problem was with her manager. He was in his 50s, and they were not getting along. She worked hard at her job but she was unsure she could continue working under him because of their personality clash. After explaining to me in great detail her grievances, I told her, much to her surprise, that none of this mattered. I explained to her what I just told you – that she had the power to change this situation to one that she wanted rather than dreaded; and the way she could to that was to begin changing the way she saw her manager. I said, “Think of how you want your relationship to be.” She said she wanted a relationship of mutual good will, respect, kindness and consideration. I said “Fine. Here’s how you do that.” We worked on crafting an affirmation for her to repeat daily and/or whenever she felt challenged mentally by their relationship. She left and the next day she called me, excited and completely amazed by the transformation of her manager saying they not only had a wonderful but a fun day at work together.

She continued to work with him for several years afterwards until he passed and considered him a good friend. I once read a meme that said “At any given moment, we have the power to choose how our story is going, or not going, to end.” It all comes down to a matter of belief. Choose to believe in the good you desire with your friend and drop the fear belief that is burdening you about her.

Here’s a little affirmation to help you; say it daily and whenever you feel challenging thoughts about your relationship. It will work wonders.

“My friend is a beloved daughter of God. God delights in her and so do I. I know my relationship with her is one of mutual respect, consideration and goodwill. Our talks and time with one another are rich and rewarding, interesting and fascinating. Our conversations are expansive and illuminating, and we greatly enjoy our time together. And so it is. Amen.”

Anthony Kelson, RScP
penworth3@yahoo.com

Dear No Gossip,

I do not know the level of faith that your lunch acquaintance is a follower of but here is what the Bible says about gossip: Gossip is the closest you can get to murdering someone without killing their body. It is a killing of their reputation, their friendships, their truth and all of their connections to those around them.

There is a story about a man who spread gossip about a rabbi. After realizing his mistake, he went to the rabbi and begged for forgiveness saying he would do anything to make amends to him.

The rabbi said to bring the best down pillows he owned. The man brought them immediately thinking that the rabbi just wanted pillows for compensation. 

The rabbi told the man to take the pillows up to the top of the hill. When he got there, he instructed the man to cut the pillows and let the feathers fly to the four corners of the land. 

The man eagerly did what he was told and ran back to the rabbi’s house to report that he had done what was ordered.

The rabbi then told him to go and collect all the feathers and pieces of down that had been released from the pillows. The man responded with wide open eyes in terror, realizing that he would not be able to do what the rabbi ordered.

“I cannot find all the feathers and down as they have been blown to the four corners of the earth,” shouted the man.

Rabbi replied, “The feathers show you what you have done with your poisoned words. They are everywhere and cannot be retrieved.” 

Gossip cannot be taken back or unsaid as it has flown to untraceable places and has corrupted the truth forever and irretrievably. 

The power of words is great and mighty. After all, God created the world with words: “Let there be light, and there was light.” We marry each other with words: “You are betrothed to me for all time.”

Please share the story with your acquaintance. If she is not moved by the message, she will not change. Also know that she not only spreads gossip about others to you, but probably to others about you as well.