QUESTION: We have a relative who tells us she’s mean and she knows she’s mean and she wishes she wasn’t. We tell her to pray and ask God to help her be kind and loving. Mostly, she’s mean toward a certain person. We pray for her but nothing seems to be changing.

Is there something we can say to her to help her change the way she thinks toward the individual? The one she is mean to is a close relative.
~ Concerned Siblings

Dear Concerned Siblings,
There is a saying that goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.” People who have been hurt can hurt other people. It is possible that your sibling is simply hurt. It could be one thing or a multitude of things that caused this hurt. Discovering what that hurt is and dealing with it can be a challenging process, but it will be worth the effort. This may be from where the mean responses are coming. Finding that splinter or splinters of hurt and pulling them out will begin the healing that is needed. The mean responses will then be controllable and, with proper coping mechanisms, will be manageable as desired.

Remember that when acknowledging and mitigating something that has hurt you is not agreeing it was right or acceptable, it just releases the hold it has over you.
Blessings,

Mark Yeager
verdugohills@live.com

Dear Concerned Siblings,
You’ve heard the one about the man and the flood. The weather people and authorities were saying, “Please evacuate your homes, a storm is coming and flooding is likely.” The rains came, the water rose and a man was standing on his porch. A woman on a motorcycle drove up and said to the man, “Hey, dude! Hop on and I’ll give you a ride to higher ground.” The man said, “No, thanks. I’m praying to God and he’s going to save me.” Then the man had to go to his second floor balcony and a motorboat came. “Hop on, I’ll save you!” said the captain. “No thanks,” said the man, “I’m praying to God and he’s going to save me.” The rains came and the waters rose and the man was now on his roof. A helicopter came, “Come on! Grab the rope!” said the pilot. “You’re going to drown! Let me save you and take you to higher ground!” Again, “No, thanks,” said the man. “I’m praying to God and he’s going to save me.”

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a motorcycle and a motorboat and a helicopter; what more did you expect?”

John 14:20 says, “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” Consider suggesting to your relative that there may be something much deeper going on, that something in her is being triggered, an ancient hurt or wound, and that’s why she reacts with so much anger. Perhaps it’s something the other person did or said or perhaps the other person is only triggering the past hurt. Suggest she find a therapist and then pray that God brings her the person she needs to help her understand herself and heal. God works through us if we allow him to.

My prayers are with you and your relative.
Peace,

Holly Cardone
hollycardone1@gmail.com
QUESTION: Our oldest son is graduating in 2018 and wants to pursue a degree in law enforcement. We’ve always believed we should let our kids make their own choices but this one is difficult for us because he wants to be a police officer. With the anti-law enforcement sentiment that seems to be present everywhere, we would much rather he would choose a different vocation. He’s great at math, is a computer whiz, and has incredible leadership skills. We’ve hinted at him choosing another career, but he won’t budge.

Shall we just back off and let him go ahead with his plans?
~ Worried Parents

Dear Worried Parents,
Philosopher Kahlil Gibran wrote in “The Prophet,” “And a woman who held a babe … said, ‘Speak to us of children.’ And he said: ‘Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you.’”

They aren’t ours. We raise them up as best we can, to know the difference between right and wrong, with compassion thrown in, and then we must let them go to pursue their own interests. This is where “Let go, let God” really has to be your mantra. Perhaps he will choose another path down the road, but he needs to figure that out for himself. And I’m sure you know that our kids don’t listen to us anyway!!

Carolyn Young
cjymesalila@gmail.com

Dear Worried Parents,
Thank you for your letter. You want the best for your son, and have raised him with the freedom to make decisions for his future. As a parent myself, I have experienced the emotions of worry when my daughters make decisions that I know could expose them to harm. I have also experienced joy when they meet a challenge and succeed in their quest.

I am a voluntary chaplain for the LA County Sheriff, stationed here in La Crescenta. I am aware of the dangers the deputies face, the risks they take to protect and serve the community. So the risks that your son will face are real and should be considered as he studies to be a police officer.

I have become convinced that, like ministry, you have to feel called to be in law enforcement, it is not an easy job, and yet it can be a very fulfilling at the same time. And there are many ways he can serve; there are those who work behind the scenes, evaluating evidence, for example. So as he studies he may find a particular line of work that appeals to him under the umbrella of law enforcement.

Yesterday, I was preaching about our earthly pilgrimage, our journey through life. We cannot always predict what will happen, where the path will lead. Sometimes we hope for security and predictability, but life is often a storm of chaos and confusion. Through it all, we have to be vigilant to use what we can – prayer, conversations with wise teachers, friends to support and for us to be supported by, even strangers we meet – to endure the journey.

Keep the lines of communication open with your son as he weaves his way through his training, talk to others who have gone into law enforcement (often they have wisdom that helps), pray for protection of all our first responders, for their safety and wellness. As for the world, it will always be unpredictable and unfair. All of us [would] do well to live each day with courage and perseverance, trusting in God to guide and strengthen us.

Pastor Steve Marshall
planetarypilgrim@gmail.com