Question: I recently heard about a teenager who was run over by two cars. He died. He was at what is now considered an “underground” or illegal gathering. This happened at 3 a.m.!

My question is what is a kid that age doing out at that time? My heart goes out to children whose parents aren’t setting boundaries to keep them safe. By the way, the news report didn’t have anything about the parents – only about friends who had gathered at a makeshift memorial where the incident happened.

These situations seem to be happening more and more. Police are expected to show up and restore order. Police are not our children’s keepers! I know many, many parents are caring and responsible but what about the ones who are not? What suggestions do you have for parents to keep better tabs on their kids? My children, now adults, in their 20s never were involved in these kinds of situations. ~ Worried Member of the Community

Dear Worried Member of the Community,

The news about the teenager who was run over was very concerning to many of us. To try and understand why this happened, I started making a list of all the reasons this teenager might have been out at 3 a.m.

Does the teen come from a one-parent situation? Is their parent working at night? Do they even know their child is out?

If there are two parents, is there physical/verbal abuse at home? Does the teen leave the house to escape that?

Are there other kids at home? Are the other kids older? Are alcohol or drugs part of the problem?

Are video games/movies and the constant violence they portray on constantly at home, making everyone numb to what happens in real life violence?

Did this teenager, encouraged by others, say something cruel and the two people ran him over for revenge?

Was killing him an online challenge of some sort?

Did a mob mentality take over and shift from conscious behavior to unconscious behavior? From real communication to winning through violence?

There has been such a huge shift in the way we use our words. They are now being thrown out as weapons instead of being paths to clarity. Our words are now being used to threaten and incite physical violence as the solution to everything.

Try not to lose heart. Our human fragility creates many tragic situations. But God is love and present in all things. God’s love holds us, surrounds us and lifts us up through all types of situations.

God’s love also gives us strength and purpose to help change the violence and hate in our world. As we pray, send loving thoughts out into every part of our world; our individual and collective love can change things.

We know what parents do is recreated by their children. And this re-creation can go on for generations.

If our parents reach out to us with love and understanding, avoiding confrontations that create defensiveness, we learn that understanding is a way to get along with all people. We learn to de-escalate situations by stepping back.

If our parents make sure we know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it lessens our egoistic need to be “right.” We learn we don’t have to agree with someone else’s opinions and we also don’t need to strike back.

Education opens doors and gives us ways to connect with all people. We hope the way children are taught at school corresponds with the way their parents teach them at home. If not, are there people/programs that can help connect the two? Are there classes for teens on how to interact with others in a loving way, no matter the circumstances?

We know that once the police get involved the situation is at its breaking point. The emotional extremes are so high that people are in an unconscious state of reaction. All is reaction; no one is stepping back and taking a breath.

A few minutes ago, my phone rang. It was my beloved niece who lives in Boston. She was with her 1-year-old child at the park. She put her son on a swing and they enjoyed the fresh air, the movement of the swing and the beautiful day outside. She then took her son over to a bench to relax in the shade under the tall trees. They were calm and content. God’s presence was in every leaf, bird song and gentle ray of the sun.

An older boy she didn’t know ran over and started to grab for her baby. My niece said, “Excuse me; please don’t touch the baby.”

She said this in a soft, smooth, respectful voice; there wasn’t any defensiveness or anger. It was very simple without emotional attachment. The older boy stopped, looked at the baby for a bit and then walked off.

Hearing this interaction on the phone, I commented on how effective her response was. She said she didn’t know the boy. But, as he walked over to them, she noticed his aggressive energy. She wanted the boy to feel he was welcome to say hello but quickly reaching for the baby wasn’t okay. My niece demonstrated her position, in a safe and non-combative way. She didn’t grab her son and tell the boy to get away or scold him. She acknowledged the older boy, he felt seen, and then walked away. Possible trouble had been avoided.

This is what we need to teach our children through our words and actions. There are loving ways to sidestep a possibly explosive situation. Notice, listen and be kind. Step back from instantly reacting and condemning.

Love is the answer. Yes, it will take time. We know, through our relationship with God, that every person has the capacity for love and understanding. As parents, the more we teach our children that love is the best choice in any conflict, the more our children get used to that as the norm. They, in turn, share their love and understanding with the people they know. And, that love, God’s love, multiplies and goes out into the world.

Let us all join together.

In love& light,

Michelle Gillette, Unity Prayer Chaplain
mgillette24@aol.com

Dear Worried Member of the Community,

Your concern as to the change in today’s generation values verses the values of previous generations is an ongoing saga in the history of mankind. Trying to understand and justifying bad behavior is difficult for some people who were raised to respect their fellowman and basically have good values. Our laws have changed considerably since the end of WWII. Back in that era the need to survive was way different than that of today’s needs. Discipline as a factor is different today, so much so that our judicial system ruled to punish parents, teachers, law enforcement officers or just about anyone who would punish children for bad behavior by changing justifiable punishment to child abuse. It goes to the old cliché of “spare the rod and spoil the child.”

When children misbehaved in school the teacher would punish them … and they often got more when they went home! It certainly was a reminder to clean up their act! “Justified punishment” should have never been changed to “child abuse” because there are mentally ill individuals who mutilate their children for little to no reason! The problem still exists resulting in the lack of discipline when needed.

In an attempt to express love to children today many parents are remiss by showering them with monetary items, such as cars and just about anything they desire. As a result, the child has little appreciation or concept of the sweat the parent endured to buy them such luxuries. The difference is obvious; generations ago children had to work for everything and thus they appreciated what they had and cared for it. Having good manners, treating others as they wanted to be treated, respecting their elders, helping their neighbor, participating in positive community activities, obeying the law, avoiding controlled substances and forms of misbehavior were avoided because they were taught that good behavior will get them more recognition than being bad.

Generations ago, moms stayed home and dads worked to provide for the family’s financial needs. In many cases moms acted as a substitute teacher and chief cook and laid down the law at home. Many moms were active members of their church, PTA and other organizations that would occupy their time and ultimately would benefit their children. Basically, that is the duty and responsibility of a parent! It’s difficult to teach children values when both parents are working. My mom would always say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” A parent should always be available when children are left to fend for themselves! One cannot hug children via a cellphone! These values remain in children’s minds into their younger and adult years.

However, it is consoling to know that there are many responsible adults and children who live among us today. Many participate in youth programs, volunteer in our churches and community activities and step forward when a neighbor is in need. There are still many role models in our society today and they should be emulated at all times. Just being aware that there are problems in our society will never make them go away! One must become involved so they too can become a role model for at least one young person in their lifetime. Sharing your love and understanding will make a difference! Good behavior is contagious and it starts with oneself!

Pray for more love and peace.

Andy Gero, VFW Chaplain
ajgero46@gmail.com

Question: I volunteer at an animal shelter. I’m saddened by the number of people who drop off their pets and expect someone else to take care of the dog, cat or bird. Yes, we have birds, as well! Many people adopted during the pandemic and it seems since many of them are back at work they think the animal they adopted is too much of a burden.

I have two dogs and a cat that I love and care for. I can’t imagine how some people can be so selfish. I know that may sound too judgmental, but this is how I’m feeling in the moment after observing caged animals obviously sad and depressed. Most shelters are screening folks who want to adopt and yet many are falling through the cracks and are doing a miserable job of animal care.

I appreciate any suggestions you may have for me to look at this problem in a different way. ~Animal Lover

Dear Animal Lover,

Thank you for volunteering at an animal shelter. And thank you for caring for your own pets. My wife and I had three rescued dogs until one died of cancer of everything (it seemed) and now we have two, and we are considering adopting another.

I am afraid that I have nothing good or hopeful to say. Before I read your lament, I had heard of what you talked about in a news story: people actually returning animals to shelters. So sad! Just as you can’t understand the blindness or insensitivity or selfishness of some people, neither can I. There is a quote from a rabbi or the rabbinical tradition that says he who saves one life saves the world, or something like that. (Perhaps there should be a corollary that says the opposite: whoever turns in an innocent animal because caring for it is too much trouble is saying To Hell with the World, or something like that!)

I have said before that loving someone can be hard work and the same goes for caring for an animal: it can be hard work and also expensive. Perhaps we should be more forgiving of those who found out that caring for an animal is harder work than they wanted to do. But it’s pretty hard, and I do not think you are being too judgmental. In fact, I hope everybody who returned an animal because it became “inconvenient” to care for it reads this column and squirms a little bit!

Someone asked American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr what the minister’s job was. He said, “Comfort the afflicted,and afflict the comfortable.” Let’s hope that any pet returner is feeling somewhat afflicted right now!

The Rev. C. L. “Skip” Lindeman, dog lover and minister
lindemanskip@yahoo.com

Dear Animal Lover,

Thank you for the great working you’re doing! It takes a special type of person to show care and compassion for animals. St. Francis of Assisi was the patron saint of animals and lived by the belief that all animals that need help should be assisted. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same love and respect for animals.

Your question posted in this column can help raise the awareness for people thinking about adopting a pet. There is a new level of education that needs to be imparted at the time of the adoption to people adopting pets. Their heart may be in the right place at the time of adoption but they need to understand the level of commitment a pet takes – not only financially, but also physically and mentally as well. Perhaps addressing the “what if” scenarios during the interview process will help expand their understanding of what owning a pet entails.

We may never know the circumstances behind why a pet is returned. It may be due to the owner’s illness or financial hardship or a sense of being overwhelmed at knowing how to deal with the unanticipated responsibility of caring for a pet. Perhaps people think they’re doing the best thing for their pet by returning them to where they purchased them and they have run out of any other solution.

The most important thing is to stay as caring toward the owners as you are the pets. I realize many pets seem much more tolerable than their owners but keeping a compassionate heart toward them will not only benefit them, but most definitely help you keep your sanity. When we don’t like how other people are behaving, it’s important to remember that we can’t change people, but we can change how we view and respond to them. Having a negative judgment about someone builds a wall of bitterness that can produce negative repercussions in our life. It serves no one. If you can bring yourself to see the people returning the pets in the same compassionate light that you see the pets, healing occurs. It doesn’t mean pets won’t continue to be returned but you will be able to be at peace knowing that the pet was not in its rightful place and is released from a household that couldn’t care for it.

Let’s pray that, with continued screening and training, the level of pet adoption responsibility will improve and there will be less pets returned from adopted homes.

In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com