QUESTION: We’re a peace-loving couple who have lived in these beautiful foothills for over 40 years. We’re not exactly a-political. We’ve always voted for the person, not the party. These past few years have brought out strong, not necessarily nice, expressions from people all over this great country of ours and, more recently, in our local community. We believe individuals should be able to express their thoughts without being chastised, which is happening in a local forum we subscribe to. Our thoughts are that even though we don’t agree with what an individual has written, they deserve the opportunity to express themselves. We also have learned from others’ viewpoints.

We’re dismayed that many of the individuals who claim to have faith-based lives are not allowing others freedom of expression. Many of the remarks are calloused and biased. We choose unity and harmony but that seems to have fallen by the wayside.

Is there anything we can do to help bring our community together in a more positive way?
~ Perplexed Senior Citizens


Dear Perplexed,
I’ll say this for you: You’re ambitious! Here’s what you’ve said: 1) “individuals should be able to express their [political] thoughts without being chastised;” 2) “We’re dismayed that many … are not allowing others freedom of expression;”
3) “Many of the remarks are calloused and biased;”
4) “We choose unity and harmony” and you’d like to “bring our community together in a more positive way.”

On the one hand, I’m old enough to remember the Free Speech Movement at Berkeley. But these days on campus, there are only free speech zones. I’ve seen video clips of college students being arrested for passing out free copies of the Constitution. Our free speech rights in America have never been more at risk. Internet search engines censor us. School boards censor us. Corporations censor us. Just try having an office-wide “Christmas” party. Things have changed. I maintain that free speech is at risk.

On the other hand, free speech is just that: free. Should the people who are calloused and biased have the right to express themselves? Should the people who chastise others have the right to do so? The more I read and re-read your letter and the more I reflect on what you’ve said, the more I suspect that you’re not talking about politics or freedom of expression as much as manners and courtesy. Things have changed here as well. My grandmother would not be able to believe what passes for public discourse these days. We have become more coarse, less patient, more vulgar and less respectful than the last generation. And they weren’t angels, either.

I guess the ongoing question I have is this: If you choose unity and harmony and would like to bring our community together in a more positive way, why on earth would you ever want to have a political discussion? George Washington warned about this kind of thing. He loathed the idea of a two-party system. He foresaw only squabbling and strife. He was right of course. But those who came after knew that Americans deserved a choice. They were also right. And Americans have been raising their voices and arguing politics ever since. I still agree with you that public decorum used to be more courteous. I’d like to return to those days. We used to call that “class.”

But class seems to be in short supply these days. You may have to decide what you want most, unity and harmony or a free wheeling political discussion.

Rev. Jon T. Karn

www.lightonthecorner.org

Dear Perplexed,
For the last three years, you and I and everyone have been enduring the onslaught of those at the highest levels of our society who willfully put out lies in the hopes of creating a false version of reality. This altered “reality” (called “alternative facts by some) serves their purpose of manipulating others. These lies have further confused our national narrative to such an extent that many people don’t really know what is true or not. Not everyone can spend endless hours in search of the truth and, therefore, run their lives by the lies they have taken in.

Some people don’t even care anymore about what is true or what isn’t true. They only listen to the pundit of their choice and spout whatever bit of “information” that pleases them. Everyone knows how to do this as they learned it on the schoolyard when they were kids.

You remember Jimmy’s dad was a no show at the Dad and Son event at school. One kid who didn’t like Jimmy tells other kids that Jimmy’s dad is in jail or some other vicious lie that causes some children to avoid Jimmy and treat him badly.

As we grew older and learned that gossip is wrong by seeing the destruction that falsehood can unleash onto individuals and communities, adults with a consciousness of helping to fashion their world on goodness and truth learned to stop repeating gossip. Further, if they knew it was tainted with resentment or anger at the subject of the tidbit, they learned to refocus their attention toward the one who was spreading the incorrect garbage and analyze their purpose in doing so.

Yes, we believe in free speech here in our beloved country. However, that rests on the knowledge that most people are good at heart and others are not trying to manipulate their behavior and level of fear to their own purposes.

In addition to the lies themselves, there is a latent rage that accompanies much of this false rhetoric. Those who swallow these misleading rants pick up the tone that they are distributed in. There are often claims of nefarious purpose when pointing at the actual truth to make the actual truth feel like a lie so as to further manipulate those with not enough of a picture of what is really going on to figure it out. That’s where the callousness and bias you spoke of comes from.

When the ceremonies for John McCain were going on, I commented to a lady at the gym offhandedly how pleasing it was to hear all the love and respect people had for this man of integrity, honor and personal courage. She just couldn’t let that go without repeating a vicious lie about him that I will not spread by repeating it.

I did not have enough information, so I went to many sources until I finally inquired of the Navy to find the truth. They assured me that John McCain never did what this woman had repeated in her calloused condemnation.

I understand your discomfort and despair. What can we do but keep ourselves informed to the best of our ability? Never repeat the lies. Don’t fight with those who will not hear you anyway. Wait for the “teaching moment” that may arise (as I have done today).

There is an old story of a man who realized that he had told lies about a rabbi and wanted to apologize to him. He went to see the rabbi to make atonement. The rabbi told him to bring his finest feather down pillow. The man came back and the rabbi told him to go up the tall mountain near his house and let the feathers fly out to the four winds. The man came back and told him it was done. Then the rabbi said, “Now go and gather every feather that has floated in all directions.” The man rightly replied, “I cannot. It is impossible to find every feather as it has gone places I can’t possibly locate.” “Exactly,” the rabbi said, “just as your lies have done.”

I don’t think you can stop them; however, you can continue to be the peace-loving couple you are. Be as well informed as possible so you can answer with the authority of truth. Don’t be rattled or depressed by something you are told. Get to the bottom of it and focus the disinfecting light of truth on the “alternative facts” you encounter.

May faith and truth overwhelm the misinformation put out to manipulate.

Amen.

Rabbi Janet Bieber
jbieber1155@aol.com

QUESTION: I have a neighbor I’ve known for 35 years who has been a good wife and mother. She’s been very lonely since her husband passed away two years ago. Even though she has a large family, including two children, three grandchildren and two sisters, they seldom visit. She’s easy to get along with, not a grouch at all. I take her to church and on outings as often as I can, but I’m still working.

Would you please say something about families staying in touch with their older family members? 

~ Troubled Neighbor



Troubled Neighbor,
Thank you so much for caring about your neighbor! When Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39), this is exactly the kind of love he means.

In the Ten Commandments that God gave to his people, one of them was “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12) and Jesus rebuked those who made excuses and neglected to do that (see Matthew 15:1-9). Also, Leviticus 19:32 states to “rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly.” Of course, there are some important things that I don’t know. Where do her family members live? What is going on in their lives? What is the history of the family’s relationship with her? How often does she visit them? How often does she call them?

I do know that it can be terribly painful when people lose a spouse and are left by themselves. Fortunately, there are excellent grief recovery programs that are readily available. If your neighbor isn’t already involved in one of those, you might suggest that for her.

There are a few other things you could try to do to help. Perhaps you can talk with some of her family and see what they say. You may learn some things from them that you could use to help your neighbor. Are there other neighbors you could also encourage to serve and love her? Are you (or her) a member of a church that could also do that? Living in a community of love can really help someone who is lonely and going through a tough time.

I will pray for you and your neighbor.

Pastor Reese Neyland

r.neyland@live.com

Dear Troubled Neighbor,
What a blessing you have been to your neighbor! I’m sure she appreciates your company and everything you’ve done for her to provide companionship. Growing up I often heard “you can choose your friends, but not your family” and sometimes it is our neighbors who become our families over the years. This is especially true when families live far away and have busy lives. Your neighbor’s family may never come visit to the extent that she’d like, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love or care about her.

As a parent and a daughter, I can appreciate your concern. I hope that, when my children move out, they return to the nest and visit often, especially as I get older. As a daughter, I wish I could have visited my mother more often after my father passed. But I had so many responsibilities at work and family obligations that it wasn’t always possible. The most extended families can do sometimes is to express our love across the miles.

As a friend, you may suggest to your neighbor that she get involved in her community. There are many organizations that need volunteers and support. My mother volunteered in the schools as a reader and found it extremely rewarding. She also volunteered at her place of worship to assist in the office. It was another opportunity to be around other people and feel valued and it helped with her loneliness. She also got a dog for companionship.

You don’t say whether your neighbor can drive or get around but, even if she can’t, there are still many opportunities for her to get out of the house and meet new people. Community organizations have many programs where they can also pick people up from their homes. We’re never too old to make new friends! And we’re never too old to find purpose, passion and meaning in our lives.

Loneliness can be debilitating or it can spur us to make changes in our lives. We need to have the courage to let go of the past or the way we wish it would be and accept the way things are now. We can decide to be happy by choosing uplifting thoughts, focusing on gratitude and finding joy in every day things.

Love and Light,

Rev. Dr. Ellen Contente
efcontente@gmail.com