QUESTION: We’re the parents of three great kids, ages 7, 9 and 11. We want them to learn about caring for others, so we’ve taken them along to help at soup kitchens and various other community projects. Just recently, when our 11-year-old told some of his friends how important it is to share with others, they laughed at him. When he was telling us about this, he had tears in his eyes. He told us when they laughed he just didn’t say anything else.

After hugging and comforting him, we told him he did the right thing and not to worry about what the other kids think. We also told him that we’ll continue as a family to help out whenever we can. Please get the word out to parents how important it is for children to give and not just receive.

~ Parents Who Care

Dear Parents Who Care,

Thank you for teaching your children the value of caring for others. Just about every religion has some version of the Golden Rule. As people of faith, as good human beings, it is our responsibility to help take care of others, to treat others with respect and kindness and to share love wherever we go. It is often hard to do this in a world that applauds other values. But I want to commend you for teaching your children how to care for others and for comforting them when the world says otherwise.

As we enter the season of Thanksgiving, I want to encourage you, and all families, to be thankful. May we be thankful for what we have, thankful for one another, and thankful for the gift of life itself. And then, in a spirit of thanksgiving, let us turn toward our neighbor and help one another. There are people right in our backyard who need to feel the tender, caring touch of another human being. So maybe we can all reach out to offer care and kindness this season. Collecting toys and crafts for a children’s hospital is a great way to comfort a child who will spend the holidays in the hospital. Gathering used blankets or towels for an animal shelter helps to make sure the animals are warm this season. Donating food to a local food pantry can feed hundreds of people. And there are thousands of people in California who have lost their homes in the fires. Organizations like the American Red Cross, the United Way, CCF Wildfire Relief Fund and the Humane Society of Ventura County are all collecting funds for the fire victims. Your own house of worship or denomination may also be collecting funds and supplies to help those affected by the fires. This season there are many ways we can all help our neighbors both near and far.

Keep up the good work, dear Parents. And may we all be kind, gentle and loving to one another this season and always!

Rev. Karin Ellis

revkarinellis@gmail.com

Dear Parents Who Care,

Having a heart to care for and help others is so Christ-like. We see that in so many ways in the life and ministry of Jesus while He lived here on earth. Encouraging your children to have a giving, caring heart like our Lord is an absolute treasure you are depositing in them … something for them to treasure all the days of their lives.

Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

As caring parents, hold that in your heart … and hold it before the Lord as a truth you are trusting Him to have fulfilled in your own children. As your children continue to grow and actually do things to give to others, you might tenderly express to them something like this: “Because of what you are doing to help these people, God is smiling down on you right now.”

One other thought that comes to me: there are some strong examples of Bible characters who made good choices to honor God with their lives, like David, Daniel, Peter and Timothy. Sharing those examples with your children could be an encouragement to them.

One other thing; be sure to lovingly express to each of your children how much you love them and how proud you are of their giving hearts.

PS: What happened with the kids at school is so sad and such an indication of the self-centeredness of so much of today’s society … very sad.

Pastor Tim Beck

snoopytpb@gmail.com

QUESTION: I’m a widow, 70 years old. I’m active and go to a senior center for lunch and I exercise, volunteer at my church and occasionally take care of my grandchildren. My problem is a couple of men are interested in me. They both have said they’re interested in marriage. I’m not.

A couple of years ago I had the same problem; I told the man I wasn’t interested and, from that time on, he barely spoke to me.

What I’d like is a relationship that would include dining, movies and hiking. I like these men who have expressed interest and I don’t want to lose any friendships. What I’d like to know is how can I gently tell each of them marriage is out, but companionship is a possibility?

~ Happily Single

Dear Happily Single,

It is so refreshing to hear the heart of someone who knows what she wants and desires in order to uphold healthy boundaries. Regardless if you are 25 or 70 years old, it is important to know what we sense is best for us in the season of life we are in. The challenge in all of this is being able to communicate to others (in your case, the men who have an eye towards marriage) what it is you feel is best for you.

Being clear in relationships, through honesty and vulnerability, is always our best practice. The Bible teaches us to speak the truth in love. It is most challenging when our desires/pathways are different than those we have become close with, although true friendship allows us the freedom to be who we are. It’s important to be true to ourself and our faith in God and not allow ourself to be swayed or controlled by others. It can be hard to stay firm in our resolve, but having a healthy community that supports us through accountability and prayer is vital.
It may be a bit more difficult to find companionship/friendship as opposed to marriage with the men in your life, but it can be done and has great rewards! Hang in there!

Hoping you remain “happily single!”

Pastor Debbie Sayovitz

debbie@epicentrechurch.org

Dear Happily Single,

Relationships between different genders are often filled with different expectations. The key to having a healthy relationship from the start is to set those expectations quickly and correctly. It is not always an easy task, but it is necessary in order to save people from the feelings of rejection, etc.

As a man, I dreaded the “Let’s be friends” talk. No matter how kind and gentle it was delivered I was never very receptive on the inside as the purpose to the pursuit was to obtain a wife. On the outside I would smile, grin and perhaps say a joke, but on the inside it was only rejection I felt. I would be friendly with the lady from then on but we were never very close as I was still looking for Mrs. Right. 

As I matured and found my wife, I began to realize that I could have a healthy friendship with someone of the opposite sex without additional expectations. In fact, I had to learn to set boundaries to protect the both of us. In ministry, creating and maintaining the correct boundaries is imperative to having a pure relationship with the opposite sex. In order to serve the community around us we must learn to work together in a way that preserves the dignity of everyone in purity and in truth.

Jesus taught us that the truth must be spoken in love. In other words, we need to speak the truth while putting the other person first in our hearts. Failure to do so will only lead to a further misunderstanding with deeper feelings of rejection and mistrust.

Pastor David Richardson

david@firepointchurch.com