Question: We’ve been married for five years and for three years we’ve been trying to have a child. So far, nothing has happened and we’ve done everything the fertility doctors recommend. Our challenge is relatives who keep asking if/when we plan to start a family. When we tell them we’re trying a couple of them have even suggested adopting. We are okay with adopting but only after we’ve exhausted everything we can do to have our own child.
What can we tell them in a kind way that we’d rather not discuss this and when anything happens we’ll let them know? Right now, we’re weary of these continuing comments.
~Wannabe Parents

Dear Wannabe Parents,
One of the dilemmas of today’s culture is that so many people seem to have their own opinion about everybody else’s personal life and affairs. And not only do they have an opinion but, somehow, they feel a sense of entitlement to share it with others. Our own adult daughter had a very similar experience that you’ve had with others always asking her and her husband when they were going to start a family. Having lived through the private heartbreak of miscarriages and multiple invitro failures, she struggled being around others at all fearing their questions.

I asked her how she would respond to your inquiry and this was her response: “Everyone has their advice and their opinion and all it does is make a bad situation worse.” She said, “I came up with a pat answer like ‘We would love to grow our family, but we don’t know what that is going to look like yet’ but it didn’t always curb the opinions.”

Ultimately she said, “I just ended up having to be direct and say that as much as I appreciated their opinion and concern, I didn’t have the emotional energy to entertain anyone else’s feelings on the matter.”

It’s hurtful when others feel they have a right to share their opinion of your situation, even when their words are well-intentioned. Even strangers sometimes think you want to know what they have to say and that’s just as hurtful.

Our daughter shared some helpful thoughts I’d like to pass on to you: “There’s no cut-and-dried manner to deal with others. And it’s very important that you and your husband are on the same page regarding how you will respond to others. Above all else, go to the Lord and not away from Him during these times! Go to each other and not away from each other. Don’t let what others think or say to you drive a wedge between you.”

I pray that the words of Romans 15:13 will encourage you today: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Pastor Randy Foster
randy.clc@att.net

Dear Wannabe Parents,
It can be a difficult task to let concerned relatives know that your family decisions are private and not open for discussion. People that care about us, especially family members, tend to want to fix the situation. Their concern is borne out of love but often puts us in the awkward position of having to graciously repeatedly say it is none of their business. It’s important for the both of you to let them know you appreciate their care, but that you are following your heart as to the best decisions to make about starting a family of your own.

There is an interesting expression, “Don’t let anyone ‘should’ on you” as in “You should do this or that.” Yes, you can listen to other people’s ideas and opinions but it is important to remember that they are just that – theirs. I am sure their sharing is done out of love and concern for you both and is meant to be helpful. It sounds like you have been able to consider some options, such as adoption, because of what they have shared. Let their ideas serve as a springboard for finding your own solutions while still maintaining your boundaries about discussing the start of your family. If you remain open to the spiritual guidance from God, you can then look at everything – every interaction and conversation – as a divine right action. There is strength in trusting God. The best path for you both to take will open for you when you release your affairs to God’s keeping. Be willing to let God’s will be done, in and through you and the perfect words, decisions and right action will happen with grace and ease.
In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com

Question: My family is split – some of us are on one side of the political aisle and some of us on the other. Although I happen to be on the winning side of the Presidential election, I don’t gloat about it. In fact, I say little or nothing. The other side of the family is what I consider poor losers and post on social media horrible things about the winning candidate. We’re all Christians and, frankly, it seems this is not Christian behavior.

I have no intention of responding to their posts; however, I’m interested in knowing what makes a person depart from Christian teachings in these instances. What say you?
– Family Divided


Dear Family Divided,
Well, today is ironically Thanksgiving (i.e., a day of coming together in the spirit of gratitude and gratefulness for all we’ve been blessed with) and your question could not have come at a more relevant moment. I’m imagining millions of families gathered hungry around a table full of food but also full of opinions – political opinions that is! Who won? Who really won? Was there fraud? There’s a massive cover up going on! Cold War 2.0 is upon us! How do you know? “Trust me, I know the truth (i.e., I’ve Googled it).”

And before two bites are in, the amateur political pundits (aka: YouTube scholars) and mail-fraud experts (aka: news media addicts) in the family ascend to the head of the table with their rigid one-sided verbal dissertations in order to enlighten the rest of the family (while still chewing on their turkey) on what they believe to be true – all in the spirit of thanksgiving, gratitude and unity.

Boy, what a mess we’ve gotten ourselves into! And even more so for those who claim Jesus as Lord and savior over their lives. It’s like asking someone to drive your car, yet you constantly reach over the armrest trying to pull the steering wheel as an act of fear, control or both. We cannot claim Jesus as king while we’re still wearing the crown of our lives.

The relational dynamic in your family is an accurate description of what is occurring on television, social media platforms, churches, within our political leadership and within households just like yours and mine. Yet, for people of the Christian faith, I believe the way persons of polar political persuasions can move away from exclusion and tribalism and into a more honest and wholistic posture of embrace and unity is when we have: (1) yielded ourselves to Christ’s Lordship and authority over our lives and our attitudes, (2) embrace Scripture as our source of eternal truth, and (3) find our core identity in Christ alone.
The fact is either the Gospel of Jesus and His kingdom shapes our values, outlook and meta-narrative or something else is – conservatism, progressivism, capitalism, Marxism, nationalism, nihilism, conspiracy theories, or fill in the blank. The Scriptures tell us in Ephesians 4:13b-15, “…be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. Then you will no longer be immature like children. You won’t be tossed and blown around by every wind of new teaching and philosophy. You won’t be influenced by people’s cunning trickery with lies, so clever that they sound like the actual truth. Instead, speak the truth in love, growing and maturing in all aspects, like Christ, who is the leader and life source of his Church.”

Jesus didn’t come to give us a blueprint for political arrangements. Many kinds of political arrangements are compatible with the Christian faith, from monarchy to democracy. But in a pluralistic context like ours, God commands us, “in everything do to others as you would have them do to you.” And “if we have all the knowledge in the world, and have faith to move mountains, yet if we don’t have love and charity, we amount to nothing!”

So, maybe tonight’s Thanksgiving meal could be the much-needed reset button for ourselves and our loved ones. Maybe we can model the embracing of those who hold contrasting views than us. Maybe we can pray over the disunity, division and tribalism that wages over us before we devour the turkey and mashed potatoes.

In conclusion, the positions we hold do not have to taint or sabotage our posture for loving others. We can still hold various ideas while still embracing people. I’ve heard it said, “In essentials -–unity, in non-essentials – liberty, and in all things – charity (or love).”
Happy Thanksgiving!

Pastor Emanuel David
emanueld@madeforcommunity.com

* * *

Dear Family Divided,
You are not alone. A lot of family and friends are divided politically. And it is sad that people let that affect their relationships so much. Time is valuable, relationships matter, and they should be spent enjoying each other, honoring each other’s opinions, and still caring and loving each other. We are all human; we have feelings and emotions. We have free choice. There are times, like these times, when one’s values and behavior take a backdoor to one’s usual positive self. The media and energy that is happening in the world certainly doesn’t help. It feeds on people’s uncertainties and emotions and fears.

You commented that you consider them poor losers; “Judge not that ye be judged.” I’d like to offer a possible remedy to any kind of negative or uncomfortable feelings about this situation. It’s forgiveness. And not from the standpoint that anyone is wrong but from the concept that we are all in this life together, in our interactions and with our thoughts. So when we practice forgiveness we clear the energy field of differences between each other and healing takes place.

The ho’oponopono Hawaiian prayer is a practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. The term “ho’oponopono” can be translated as “correct a mistake” or “make it right.” It is powerful for purifying one’s body and getting rid of bad memories or feelings that hold the mind in a negative tune. There are four steps. Step 1: I’m sorry. Step 2: Please forgive me. Step 3: Thank you. Step 4: I love you.

You can also start with “I love you” as step 1. When you say these steps, put your full intention into the words and your feelings. Say them with an objective, detached but powerful feeling. You can use this process with any situation. Just know it is all energy … all energy … and the more you give out positive energy, the more healing there will be – for yourself, for your family and friends, and for the world.

Love is the most powerful healing agent and when we practice love, regardless of the situation, things get better. You can feel it in your body … when you are in anger … and when you are in love. Love feels much better.

Check out Dr. Joe Vitale and the ho’oponopon prayer for further information and insight as to how this works. He has quite a remarkable story of healing using this process.

I wish you peace and love with your family.