Question: My parents left our daughter more than adequate funds for college. She’ll graduate this coming June and would like to go to a college in Texas. She made this choice after a lot of research about colleges all over the United States. Even though she has always been responsible and never caused us any trouble, her father wants her to stay here, live with us, attend a junior college and then transfer to a four-year college in California. He hasn’t told her of his concerns but he told me he’s worried that being far away from home would give her the opportunity to live a wild college life. I seriously doubt she’d behave that way because she wants to be a doctor and knows that course of study requires focus and commitment.

At this time, our conversations are at a standstill. I have to say he is a good father and our daughter has many times thanked him for his support. She has thanked me as well. I support her decision and her father does not. Is there a way to get us to a place of agreement? ~ Perplexed Mom

Dear Perplexed Mom,

Once children finish high school one of their greatest dreams is to go off to college. When they are raised in a loving home and are taught values of love, kindness, support and responsibility they have a natural sense of being morally trusted.

The best way for a parent to disillusion a youth’s dream is to deny them the freedom to pursue their aspiration by not letting them go. Too often parents think they know what’s best for their adult children, which is rarely the case. Each of us are individuals and most of our happiness comes from within ourselves by being successful.

An accusation that they may possibly become involved in an immoral lifestyle while away from home is counterproductive. Many children have turned away from their parents by such a denunciation and it may affect their ability to become successful. It is essential that parents show their love, trust and support when their child goes off to college or leaves home for a career.

Having spent my life time in the medical profession I can’t help but have the highest respect for anyone who is willing to make such a sacrifice and commitment to become a physician. Let her go, love her, support her and God will bless you for it.

Andy Gero
ajgero46@gmail.com

Dear Perplexed Mom,

When my daughter graduated from high school in 2020, the pandemic lockdown was just beginning. For her, there was no senior prom or grad night party. She had planned to move to a top university, but spent the first year of college at home. I felt so bad that she didn’t get the chance to start her journey of independence and fully experience college life, yet part of me was grateful to postpone the big goodbye. She finally got to go off to college in 2021. I cried for a few days but I knew in my heart that it was the best possible thing for her. My baby bird had to leave the nest and it was overdue. Now she is thriving, independent and happy.

It sounds like your daughter is a responsible person and a serious student. She hasn’t given you or your husband any reason to think that the moment she leaves home she will suddenly turn into a party animal and lose all sense of herself. By the way – living at home is not any guarantee that she wouldn’t be partying if she really wanted to. I believe the core issue here is that your husband is having a hard time letting go (totally understandable) and isn’t trusting in the process of life unfolding for the highest good. He appears to be living in fear instead of living in faith. Remember, all of your combined parenting thus far has produced your wonderful daughter and it is time to let go. Whatever she has learned from you both she has already learned. Your husband can’t stop a rose from blooming or the tide from reaching the shore, and he can’t stop your daughter from growing up and moving away. No matter how much control he thinks he has, she can’t stay with him forever. If he refuses to trust her, she may feel resentment toward him.

Trust is one of the most important parts of every relationship, especially our relationship with God. She is a grateful person, an intelligent person, who appreciates her parents as well as her grandparents’ funding of her education. That is the kind of person she is and that will not change just because she leaves home.

Please talk to your husband and remind him to trust your daughter to be who she is, to be there for her when she needs guidance, to live in faith, knowing that we are all surrounded and indwelled by love itself, and to bless her on her journey, wherever that takes her.

Rev. Karen Mitchell
www.karenmitchellmusic.com

Question: My husband Justin lost his job three months ago when the company he was working for moved to another state. We could have moved with the company but both of our families live here. We have two children, ages 6 and 9.

To say finances have been a struggle is putting it mildly. I work and he is getting unemployment. Our pastor knows of our situation and asked if he could put our family on a list for assistance from a local organization. The organization provides food and toys for the kids. This has turned into a minor argument between my husband and me. He says he doesn’t want to be known as a charity case. I tell him this doesn’t have to last forever and, right now, we could really use the help. He is actively looking for another job. I don’t see anything wrong with temporary help, do you? ~ Financially Cramped

Dear Financially Cramped,

Growing up, my mom raised five boys as a single parent on a teacher’s salary. We were poor but proud that we only relied on family to help – and only when we were desperate. In high school, I became involved with a church. We soon found ourselves the recipients of an anonymous donation that changed our lives. Our first reaction was to reject the gift, but we couldn’t; we didn’t know who gave it.

In my ministry, I have had the chance to do for others what was first done for me. Each time, as the saying goes, I have found it more blessed to give than to receive. There are people who want to make the world a better place for others. It is an act of faith to receive such a blessing. I would encourage you and your husband to see this moment as an opportunity to simply receive the goodwill of others.

When you get back on your feet, I think you will find a heart to pay it forward, to help those in the way you’ve been helped. And the truth of the matter is that you will end up giving far more in your life than you would receive!

When I was young, my instinct was to reject even simple gifts from others. My pastor gave me great advice: the best prayer you can say is “thank you.” Receiving from others opens your heart to grace, to knowing that you are loved without anything needing to be given in return. That can be a hard lesson to learn in a world when everything is a transaction. But as the heart grows tender in acknowledging our own needs, it also grows to see the needs of others around us and gives us imagination of how we might help.

My hope is that you have the merriest of Christmases knowing that you have a beloved community of support and care and that in that knowledge you give peace and joy to others throughout the year.

Rev. Kyle Sears
kylesears@lacanadachurch.org

Dear Financially Cramped,

It’s a challenge facing the situation you’re in but it’s important to remember that it is temporary. Asking for help can be one of the most difficult things to do. Your husband may feel disheartened or maybe even ashamed, but those feeling won’t solve the issue. It takes courage to ask for what you need. Success can be defined as accomplishment and attainment of a goal. The road to success includes deciding what you need and the path to attaining it. Refusing to avail yourself of all the opportunities to further your progress is counteractive and defeating. There are numerous assistance programs that were created to help people in your exact situation. If your husband wasn’t taking any initiative to move on and find a job that would be a different story. You can look at this acceptance of assistance as an embarrassment or as an act of courage that you reached out for help when you needed it.

The principle of Religious Science is the study of the Law of Life – the law of cause and effect. For every action there is a reaction. How we respond to circumstances will determine if they serve us positively or negatively. That means that whatever we focus our attention on will expand and draw more of the same to us.

A good way to glean the best from any circumstance begins with asking what is the gift this brings to my life? What message is the spirit waking me up to? It may sound odd, but it’s best to seek the benefits of any situation rather focusing on the difficulty because, in the end, it’s all for goodness sake, even if it doesn’t appear to be so at the time. Encourage your husband to contemplate where he is putting his belief – in hopeless and shame or support and success? Changing his belief will bring about a change in results.

Think of a radio station; when we dial into a particular station’s frequency we are able to receive that station. It is the same with our desires. The Law of Attraction is simply responding to our vibration or how we are directing our energy and providing more of the same. When we dial into faith that everything is working for good in our life; not only is our attitude uplifted but results will shift. With the right mindset, focusing on faith and trust in the ideal solution and the belief that life is improving, it will happen.

Continued success in your resolutions!

In Light,

Rev. Mary Morgan
mormari@aol.com