Dearly Beloved

I love weddings, don’t you?  It’s touching to witness true love and the promise of a bright future together.  I always cry even if I don’t know the couple very well.  It’s magical, or at least it’s supposed to be.  We have all seen the wedding videos where something goes terrible wrong–the slip and falls, the family fights, the “had one too manys.”  After all, weddings are big, gushy family affairs–wonderful, dysfunctional, blended families with members who sometimes focus on the wrong things and forget that they are supposed celebrate the bride and groom.  It should be all about them, right?

Back when I was a wedding consultant, I told brides to expect that at least one thing will go wrong with their wedding and not to panic when it does.  The key to a successful wedding is attention to detail but also having back up plans for life’s little mishaps.  If the bride and groom can turn on a dime, all will be seamless.  If the families can be supportive no matter what happens, that’s even better.

The first wedding I ever coordinated was for a young couple who were married in Burbank and held their reception in Universal City.  My job was to get them down the aisle then hightail it to the venue to ensure all was going well.  Imagine my surprise when I left the church, hurried to the parking lot and realized that one of the guests had blocked my car in.  I was trapped.  So, I quickly shifted gears and called my sister-in-law who was able to pick me up in 10 minutes and drop me off soon after that.  Luckily, she picked up the phone.  The reception details were finalized before the guests arrived and thankfully, my scrambling to get there was the only hitch that night.

Weddings always bring me back to my own wedding, 35 years ago this month.  There were plenty of things that went wrong that day, but my memories of it are mostly good ones.  I remember smiling all the way down the aisle, a genuine smile, and I wasn’t nervous with all eyes focused on me.  The only eyes that mattered though, were the groom’s down front, waiting for me with an even bigger smile on his face.  Everything was perfect and we couldn’t wait to say, “I do” and continue our life together.  The milestone of marriage came at just the right time for us.  We would go on to find success in our careers, buy a house, and have three amazing children.  We are living the American dream.

Now, all these years later, I find myself planning a wedding again.  This time, it’s for our son and his soon-to-be wife.  I am the Mother-of-the-Groom and we are hosting the reception at our ranch house in the Eastern Sierras.  With my experience as a wedding planner and devotion as a mom, my primary goal is to do everything to make the bride and groom happy, to be as supportive as possible.  It is bittersweet to see your child reach this milestone but exciting too.  This couple has so much fun together and have proven not only do they know how to go with the flow but embrace the different and unusual.  I am comforted to know that even if something unexpected happens, they will have a great wedding day and a happy marriage together.

My advice for young couples:

Marry when you are ready but waiting a bit has value.

Enjoy your time together and don’t sweat the small stuff.

Share the responsibilities of the household and taking care of the children.

Know that little habits now will grow exponentially in 20 years.  “Do you have to chew so loud?”

And, say “thank you” and “I love you” often.

Susan Bolan

susanbolan710@gmail.com

  Susan BOLAN