Regular readers will know that I occasionally overflow with odd, random thoughts that – while they don’t warrant an entire column – do somehow manage to find their way onto this page as things that I wonder about. For example:
I wonder … if the superbly talented and funny Betty White regrets her decision to host the Saturday Night Live show first broadcast in May (and re-broadcast in mid-September). Having worked professionally with this sophisticated lady years ago, I know her to be just as nice and classy in person as she seems on camera. So why did this revered 88-year-old drop her standards to do some of the most perverted “comedy” sketches of the entire SNL season? The show’s writers went out of their way to put her in terribly demeaning, double-entendre-laced skits. To hear her spouting all sorts of juvenile slang for genitals, bodily functions and other gross topics throughout the show was embarrassing. She wound up covered with more metaphorical mud and filth than the real stuff that covered her from shooting that exceptionally funny Snickers commercial earlier in the year.
I wonder … why it’s so difficult for some Crescenta Valley drivers to count all the way to two? Seriously. Sit on the onramp to the 210 Freeway at La Crescenta Avenue any weekday morning and you’ll be caught in a line of cars waiting dutifully for the blasted traffic flow control signals to allow you to pass. I still think the expense and inconvenience of the onramp signal system is a waste of time and money, but that’s another topic. It’s here, it’s a part of our lives now, get used to it. Which brings me full circle back to – why can’t some drivers count? There’s a large sign in big, bold letters in front of the signal that says, “Two Cars Per Green Light.” Try as I might, I can’t think of any other way to interpret that other than – every time the light turns green TWO cars should proceed onto the freeway. Not just one car. Not three or four. But two – one, two. And yet, you’d be amazed at how many people seem boggled by the concept. Maybe they’re too busy texting.
I wonder … while we’re on the subject of traffic – who pulled the major string that must have been pulled in order to have left turn signals installed at the intersection of Ramsdell and Foothill. I’ve wasted many hours of my life over the years sitting and waiting and creeping and burning fossil fuel trying to get off Foothill and onto Ramsdell when CV High is either about to start its day or is just letting out. Now that’s one signal I can live with. I just wonder how many years it will be before they actually turn the thing on.
I wonder … now that school is back in session, how long it will be until a Rosemont Middle School student is involved in a serious traffic accident (God forbid) while jaywalking across La Crescenta or Ramsdell Avenues from El Caminito, Alabama, or Stevens streets on their way home? Some adult-type person should impress upon their pimply, little heads that you do not – under any circumstances – cross a major thoroughfare while staring down a vehicle that weighs many tons, and then nonchalantly turn back to your conversation as the vehicle screeches to a stop mere inches away from you. This isn’t a new phenomenon, but it already seems worse this school year than last. Please know, young men and ladies of Rosemont, that no matter how much of the “cool factor” you think you have, you cannot stop the above mentioned car, truck or motorcycle simply because you exist. You’re just not that amazing. Sorry. Do not play chicken with cars just because your levels of self-esteem are stupidly high. Trust me – in a battle of physics vs. attitude you will lose every time.
I wonder … will anyone listen?
I’ll see you ‘round town.

Jim Chase is an award-winning advertising copywriter and lifetime CV resident. Find him online at www.wordchaser.com.